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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25737655">Lost Words and Impassioned Hearts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlocked729/pseuds/PeakyFookinBlinders'>PeakyFookinBlinders (Sherlocked729)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Peaky Blinders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Sex, Bisexual Disaster Tommy Shelby, But James is already roommates with Ada, Cocaine Use, Consensual Sex, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, From business partners to friends to lovers, Gen, Good Sister Ada Shelby, Grace also isn't in this, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mostly canon but I changed up a lot of plot things, OC workers, Patient Alfie, Period-Typical Homophobia, S1 Homes, S4 &amp; S5 Finn, Sexism, Smoking, Stuttering, Tommy likes his prostitutes, Tommy's just starting out, Violence, a lot of smoking, antiziganism, bad language, because it's Tommy Shelby, like everything Tommy did in the beginning, lots of f-bombs, references to alcoholism, references to past suicide, some Hebrew references</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:08:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>41,792</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25737655</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlocked729/pseuds/PeakyFookinBlinders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy Shelby is cursed with a stutter that just won't quit. It's causing him problems with his family, and there's only a handful of people that aren't constantly against him. He starts a partnership with Alfie Solomons, but it develops into something much more than that. One thing he can't get out of his head is how Alfie is unrelentingly patient with him, even when he doesn't have to be. Tommy finds himself wanting to see more and more of him, but he also doesn't want to push his luck either.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ada Shelby &amp; Tommy Shelby, Finn Shelby &amp; Tommy Shelby, Tommy Shelby &amp; Ollie, Tommy Shelby/Alfie Solomons</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>102</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. a business partner</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So... I'm still going to update my other fics I have going, but this was something I realized I had to write, sort of for my own self than anyone else, but I hope it speaks to others with the same kind of problems as myself. </p><p>On a happier note: I've sort of taken different aspects from different seasons of Peaky Blinders and squished it into one thing. For example, I'm using adult Finn from season 4 and 5 in this fic, but they are just starting off Shelby Company Limited and have their S1 homes. I hope this isn't too confusing.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>.   .   .</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“M-m-my… my m-m-m-men will…” Tommy sighed in frustrated and closed his eyes tightly before he opened them again looked at Alfie who was watching him curiously, but patiently. “They’ll take care of your rum for you,” he finally finished, swallowing the lump in his throat.</p><p><em>Fuck if he was going to look weak in front of fucking Alfie Solomons. </em>He had managed to finish his thought, but at what cost?</p><p>His fucking dignity, that’s what it was.</p><p>Alfie gave a nod of finality before he watched Tommy spit in his palm quickly and hold it out in expectation. The Jewish man raised his eyebrows but then did the same before shaking his hand, making the deal official.</p><p>Alfie cleared his throat before he leaned against his cane and looked at Tommy. “You know, mate, I know someone who might be able to help you with that stutter if you’re interested, Thomas. A good man, he is, and discrete.”</p><p>If Thomas Shelby hadn’t been embarrassed before, he sure as hell was now. He looked at Alfie and then turned on his heel before he showed himself out of the bakery. He found his way back to the boat right outside on the canal and hid himself away in the cabin underneath.</p><p>He let out a heavy sigh and buried his face in his hands.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck, fuck, fuck.</em>
</p><p>This wasn’t how the deal with Alfie was supposed to go. Tommy had to look impressive, in charge, powerful, and instead he found himself looking weak and pathetic. If he were a horse, his uncle would shoot him.</p><p>There was something wrong with him, something wrong in his genes. He had been like this as far as he could remember, and the only person who seemed to be able to keep their patience with him when he started stuttering was Ada.</p><p>She wasn’t sure how to help him, but God knows that she tried. Everyone else grew impatient, despite who he was, especially Arthur.</p><p>Finn, young but old enough to know the business and how it was run didn’t understand either, but he also didn’t remark on the speech impediment whenever it happened. He just waited until Tommy either walked out mid conversation in frustration, or waited until his older brother had finished his thought.</p><p>He grew up relatively normal, as normal as anyone who grew up in Small Heath would be, anyway. His parents had fought while his mother drank, and when she drank, she’d say hurtful things to him, about him. Tommy didn’t really blame either of them for his speech impediment, though. He just blamed himself.</p><p>By the time he arrived back home, he knew that he had to have a family meeting to let the others know what was going on with Shelby Company, Ltd. They hadn’t known about Tommy going to Camden to visit Alfie, or even knew much about him.</p><p>He told Finn to round everyone up for the meeting and walked into the room. Tommy grabbed some whiskey and poured half a glass for himself before taking a drink, hoping that maybe the liquid would help him relax enough to talk properly.</p><p>He hated looked so vulnerable in front of his own family. He despised it, maybe just as much as he despised himself.</p><p>After taking a couple sips as his family started to trickle in, he placed a cigarette between his lips and took a long drag from it before he exhaled slowly.</p><p>“Another family meeting? What the fuck is this one about then, Thomas?” Aunt Polly chided. “Couldn’t this one had been done yesterday with the other?”</p><p>“No, Pol,” Tommy spoke softly, simply.</p><p>He waited until everyone else was inside and then shut the door behind Ada as she came in as well. There was a small amount of chattering among them, but they ceased once they saw Thomas looking at them all.</p><p>He could feel anxiety starting to creep in, but he took another drag to help push it back down inside of him and then cleared his throat.</p><p>“Right, so I’ve made a deal with a man in Camden, that we would move his rum for him.”</p><p>He could see conflicted looks be exchanged all around the room, and he dared one of them to speak against him about it; he didn’t have to wait long.</p><p>“Fucking what?” Aunt Pol asked, in disbelief. “And you didn’t see it fit to pass it through any of us first? No voting?”</p><p>Tommy shook his head. “No voting, Pol. This wasn’t up to a vote. This was business to help move our business forward.”</p><p>“Fucking hell,” John swore, shaking his head in disbelief.</p><p>“What fucking man in Camden, Tom?” Arthur asked now, looking at him. “Who?”</p><p>Tommy’s anxiety increased another notch. He took another drink. “His name is… Alfie Solomons, and he is to be trusted among us,” he declared. “We discussed it and made a deal together, and now he’s a business partner.”</p><p>“For fuck’s sake, Tommy!” Arthur cursed him. “You’re trusting a Jew now, Tom? Everything needs to be put up to a family vote! We didn’t fucking vote on this as a family!”</p><p>Tommy could understand his brother’s anger towards him. For all means and purposes, he had every right to be upset right now. They had a system that their business was run, and this time, Thomas Shelby had simply bypassed all of them.</p><p>He sensed Arthur’s anger also had something to do with the own war in his head; Arthur had a routine, a way of doing things, and once that routine was upset, his world turned upside down and something broke inside his mind.</p><p>Similar to what happened to Tommy and his stuttering. He shouldn’t have been so anxious about Arthur as he was, but it was happening again, and he couldn’t stop it.</p><p>Thomas cleared his throat and found that his tongue failed him yet again. “Arthur, just f-f-f-fucking… stop,” he said to his brother. He finished his drink and nearly slammed it down as he continued to speak, despite his slip up. “This was business, Arthur! This business is to get our business going, get off the ground. T-T-T-This…” he cringed at himself and exhaled sharply, clenching his jaw.</p><p>“Oh for fuck’s sake, Tommy… just get it out, will you?” Aunt Pol ordered.</p><p>The room was spinning now, and he was finding it difficult to take in air, but then somewhere in the room, he heard Ada’s gentle, patient voice.</p><p>“It’s all right, Tommy. Take your time, yeah? Just breathe.”</p><p>“Breathe? He can barely talk!” John snapped at her.</p><p><em>What the fuck was happening? </em>He was supposed to be the one in charge, the only one talking, and John was right; he couldn’t even fucking talk.</p><p>
  <em>This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be. This was a fucking disaster.</em>
</p><p>Tommy tried to take Ada’s advice and took a deep breath before slowly letting it out, and then took another drag from his cigarette. The room stopped spinning, but he still felt that tightness squeezing his chest, tightening his tongue.</p><p>Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore.</p><p>“Just fucking shut up, all of you!” he yelled, “It’s done already! We’re moving his fucking rum, and that’s fucking that!”</p><p>There was a hushed silence that fell in the room now, all of their courage seemingly faltering at his anger. It was the only thing that made them listen to him at all.</p><p>“What do we get out of this deal then, Thomas,” Aunt Polly inquired, “of moving this ganger’s rum?”</p><p>Everyone’s eyes turned their attention back to him now, also wanting to know.</p><p>Tommy scratched absentmindedly at his temple and looked at her before looking around at the rest of his family. “We get money, Pol. We get money to get us off our feet and make the bar bigger and better. He’s giving us a thousand pounds to run his rum.”</p><p>This seemed to quiet her now, the prospect of Shelby Company Limited earning money in a short period of time. That’s all Aunt Polly cared about, was that the company didn’t go under and she wouldn’t have to worry how she was going to live.</p><p>He looked around at them, but made sure to not include Ada in this; she had been the only one not complaining about the deal.</p><p>“Any more fucking questions, then, eh?” He looked at Arthur pointedly who averted his eyes before he shook his head. “Good. Meeting’s over.”</p><p>They all started to leave the meeting room now, but Ada stayed behind after Aunt Polly left last. She made her way over to her brother and placed a kind hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“Are you all right?”</p><p>Tommy gave a soft hum now before he put his cigarette out and looked at her, loathing seeing the pity in her eyes. It was the same look he had seen from her growing up. It seemed worse seeing it now as adults.</p><p>“You did good, Tom,” she squeezed his arm softly.</p><p>He instantly shook his head. “No, Ada, I didn’t do good,” he brought this voice low even though they were the only two ones in the room. “What good am I if I can’t even fucking talk?”</p><p>She gave him a weak smile. “You’re good enough, Tommy. You are… fuck everyone else. You’re trying your best, I know you are. You obviously did well enough to make the deal with Alfie, right?”</p><p>He sighed through his nose, shaking his head, and scoffed. “I fucking… did it in front of him too, Ada. In the middle of the deal. I’m half surprised he didn’t laugh in my face and tell me to fuck off.”</p><p>She could see the frustration in her brother’s eyes and hear it in his voice. She stood in front of him now and looked up at him with soft eyes. “He didn’t laugh though, so… he obviously still took you seriously. That’s good, at least.”</p><p>Her tone was hopeful, but Tommy felt that there was no hope to be had.</p><p>“He told me he knew of a fucking doctor that could help me,” he shook his head. “I’m not going to pay someone to help me t-t-t-t…” he stammered before he punched the table with his fist in frustration. “Talk.”</p><p>
  <em>How fucking ironic was it that he stuttered on the word talk? </em>
</p><p>She sighed gently, crossing her arms in front her chest. “If he can help you, maybe he’ll be worth it? It won’t kill you to get help, Tommy.”</p><p>“It might, actually, Ada.”</p><p>“Would you prefer to stutter your way through business dealings?” Her question was rhetorical but a part of him knew she was right. “I know I don’t have to be the one to tell you this, but I’m afraid it’ll put you in danger one day.”</p><p>He didn’t have to ask her how, because the very thought had crossed his own mind more than once. Tommy gave a thoughtful nod regardless, and his sister finally let the subject drop.</p><p>“So when are you going back to pick up the rum?”</p><p>Tommy lit up another cigarette. “A few days. Why, Ada?”</p><p>She looked a bit nervous now and dropped her arms from her chest. “I want someone to go with you when you do. Arthur or… John. I know this Alfie man was kind enough to you this time, but what if you… trip over yourself again next time and he’s not as kind about it?”</p><p>Tommy shook his head. He’d be damned if he were going to take the two brothers who were most impatient with him and questioned his every motive at every turn. “I’ll take Finn with me.”</p><p>Ada scoffed now. “You will not!”</p><p>He met her eyes now, knowing the thoughts that were in her head. “He’s not a boy anymore, Ada. He’s old enough for man’s business, yeah? Let him be a man. I won’t let anything happen to him. I’ll bring him back in one piece.”</p><p>Ada sighed heavily, looking at Tommy hesitantly. They both knew that she didn’t truly have a say in the matter, though. Finn wasn’t her son.</p><p>He didn’t wait for her reply before he walked out of the room, grabbing his cigarette case and his matches before stuffing them in his coat. He’d be dead before he decided to go to a doctor, and if Alfie thought him a joke and decided that Thomas Shelby wasn’t worth his time or his presence, then so be it.</p><p>Put him out of his fucking misery.</p><p>What good was Tommy if he couldn’t even be taken seriously? He was Shelby Company Limited. Without him, there was no company. There was no business, and if he was dead, then there’d be no family.</p><p>Everything rode on his shoulders.</p><p>He locked himself away from his family until the day he had to go back to Camden. He got dressed and practiced talking to himself in the fucking mirror even, trying to get his words out but it was fucking ridiculous, to be honest.</p><p>He was practicing hypothetical conversations he probably wouldn’t even end up having with Alfie, but he didn’t know what else to say to himself.</p><p>The anxiety inside of him was too much. It just grew bigger and bigger with every passing minute. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore and just decided to leave early. He picked up Finn at his flat in Watery Lane and got on the boat with him.</p><p>The two men didn’t talk much on the way there, but it was the last ten minutes some hours later where Finn had become antsy and talkative.</p><p>“What’s Alfie Solomons like, Tom?”</p><p>Tommy sat up and rubbed his eyes, having been taking a nap and only had woken up a few minutes ago.  “Hm?”</p><p>“Alfie, what’s he like?”</p><p>There was an uneasiness in his younger brother’s voice and Tommy almost felt bad for him, but he wasn’t a little boy anymore, as he had reminded Ada earlier; he was about the same age as Tommy had been when he had cut his first man.</p><p>He couldn’t think of how to describe Alfie though. Finally, words came to him.</p><p>“He’s a good man to know,” he finally answered after a few minutes. It was difficult to describe a giant like Alfie Solomons. He was powerful as well, like Tommy. “He’s not a force to be reckoned with , Finn.”</p><p>The younger Shelby man nodded. “So… what do you want me to do?”</p><p>Tommy thought back to Ada’s words from a few days ago, and then pulled out a second pistol that he had stashed away in his coat. “I want you to help Alfie’s men load up the boat with the rum, Finn,” he ordered gently before checking the pistol and making sure it was loaded before he handed it to his brother. “Don’t use it, unless you feel threatened, yeah?”</p><p>He looked at the gun with wide eyes but then nodded before he took it and put it in his own coat.</p><p>The boat finally made a jolted stop and both of them got out in time to see Alfie walking towards them in his large stature. He held his hand out to Thomas to shake, which he did briefly and then looked at Finn.</p><p>“Ah right, is this your brother then, Tommy?”</p><p>He gave a nod. “Yes, this is my brother Finn. He’ll help your men put the rum in the boat.”</p><p>Alfie sized up Finn quickly and then nodded approvingly. “Yeah, that sounds good. Let’s talk in my office while they do that then, right?” He didn’t give Tommy any room to argue before leading him inside the large bakery and up to his office.</p><p>Tommy felt tense as he heard Alfie close the door and lock it, obviously not wanting them to be interrupted. He took out his cigarette case and placed a fag between his lips before he lit it with a match, shaking it out once he was done. He took a drag.</p><p>Alfie shook his head disapprovingly. “Every time I see you, you’re putting fuckin’ poisons in your body, Tommy…”</p><p>“You make rum, Alfie,” Tommy replied quietly. “You never taste any of it yourself?”</p><p>Alfie looked at him now with an unreadable expression before he sniffed. “Of course I taste it, but I don’t… overindulge like yourself and your people do. You and those fuckin’ cigarettes though, mate. Those will kill you faster than anything, I imagine. The rate I’ve seen you smoke those terrible things, I don’t expect we’ll still be doing business together in five years.”</p><p>Tommy decided to ignore his lecture. “Why did you want to talk alone, Alfie?” He looked out the window of the office, but of course he couldn’t see Finn. He forced himself to look back at the other man.</p><p>“I’ve heard a lot of interesting things about you, Thomas Shelby, right, but I figured since we’re business associates now, I should get to know you better, yeah?” Alfie half sat, half stood by his desk and crossed his arms in front of him as he looked down at Tommy.</p><p>“Don’t believe everything you hear, Alfie.” He took another drag.</p><p>“The funny thing about rumors and fuckin’ gossip is that there’s usually a half truth to them. For instance, I heard that your mum fell into the canal and drowned. Is that true, Tom?”</p><p>He swallowed hard now, and cleared his throat even though the anxiety inside of him suddenly was blowing up like a balloon inside his lungs and chest, tightening around his throat. He took another drag of his cigarette but found that it was only making everything worse.</p><p>“Y-y-y-yes….” Tommy stuttered before internally cursing himself. He cleared his throat. This was a hell of a time to show weakness if ever there was one. Maybe Alfie was doing this on purpose to him.</p><p>Alfie still watched him, but there was something in his eyes that were different that he hadn’t noticed before. He couldn’t identify what it was, though. He didn’t say anything, so Tommy decided to keep talking, despite his hang up.</p><p>“She didn’t fall into the cut,” Tommy explained now. “She d-d-d-d…” he stopped his thought, clenching his jaw in frustration as he angrily put his cigarette out in the nearby ashtray. “S-S-She…” He hesitated, and then tightly shut his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck. It was worse today.</em>
</p><p>To his surprise, he heard Alfie’s usually firm voice become calm. “It’s all right, Tom, innit. Just take your time. Try taking a breath, right. It’ll help some.”</p><p>It was Ada’s words coming out of Alfie’s mouth.</p><p>Tommy found himself obeying the other man and slowly inhaled before he exhaled again. He did it a couple more times before he found himself relaxing a bit finally. He opened his eyes slowly and looked at Alfie who looked like he had all the time in the world to wait for Tommy.</p><p>“Better, mate? Right, now go on.”</p><p>Tommy wet his lips before he tried again. “She didn’t fall in the cut. She purposely threw herself in there, but she did die from drowning.”</p><p>Alfie looked strangely satisfied, a look in his eyes now that Tommy identified as pride. “See? I knew you could get there in the end, didn’t I? Also, like I said, there’s always a half truth to these things…”</p><p>Tommy didn’t say anything, but simply gave a curt nod.</p><p>“Don’t suppose you’ve gone to see anyone about your speaking disability, have you?” Alfie asked curiously now. When Tommy shook his head, there was the same look of pity in his eyes as Thomas had seen in his sister’s. “You’re a man of few words, Thomas. I can understand why, of course… can’t say I fuckin’ blame you, can I? I’d probably be the same if I were you.”</p><p>
  <em>Fucking hell. Was any of this suppose to put his mind at ease? </em>
</p><p>“Are we through here, Alfie?”</p><p>The other man narrowed his eyes at Tommy, but it wasn’t out of anger. It was like Alfie was trying to understand his business partner better. It was innocent enough.</p><p>“I don’t know why I’m doing this, right, but I’m going to give you someone’s number,” Alfie spoke as he grabbed a piece of paper and flipped it over before he started to write down something. “He’s a decent enough man, right. He specializes in these types of things. He helped someone else I knew, and I think he’d do you some good.”</p><p>He held out the piece of paper to Tommy, who reached out and grabbed it, their fingers momentarily grazing before Tommy folded the piece of paper up and tucked it away in his jacket pocket.</p><p>“What, not going to even look at it?” When Tommy shook his head, Alfie shrugged. “Fine, mate. Do whatever the fuck you want with it, then, I suppose. Fuck me for trying to be helpful, yeah? Just trying to be a decent fucking person, right.”</p><p>Tommy slowly stood up now and he found himself thinking how Alfie had been so patient with him earlier, and felt mystified. He still hadn’t laughed in his face or tried to rush him into speaking, or anything like that; he had been the same way Ada was with him.</p><p>He fixed his coat and then looked at Alfie. “Thank you, Alfie,” he spoke quietly now, searching his face.</p><p>Alfie looked at him curiously but nodded before giving a dismissive wave. “’s nothing, Tom. Go ahead. You can fuck off now if you like,” he shrugged, his words no longer having bite behind them.</p><p>Tommy couldn’t shake the emotions he was feeling now as he walked out of the office and headed outside, praying that Finn hadn’t had to shoot any of his men while he had been trapped in Alfie’s office for all that time.</p><p>When he came out, only a few of the men were standing there, keeping an eye on Finn, but their guns were at their sides. Tommy looked at his brother now.</p><p>“Rum loaded up?” Finn nodded. “Good. Come on, Finn. Let’s go back home.”</p><p>The two men made themselves at home on the boat once more as it started back home to Birmingham. As Tommy went down for a nap, he found that he couldn’t get his mind off his new business partner.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. understanding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>.     .    .</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The next few weeks went smoothly, or rather as smoothly as Thomas Shelby could imagine. Finn managed to get into a couple fights with his mouth, and then his fists, they earned a lot of money from the people in Small Heath who bet on the horses, the bar earned revenue as well, and when the rum had been all sold, Alfie stuck to his promise of giving the Peaky Blinders a thousand pounds for moving it discreetly and quickly.</p><p>Tommy had to go back to Camden town tomorrow to get more rum to sell, thereby also receiving one thousands pounds more. Between the horses, the Garrison, and Alfie, the Shelby family were already making money hand over first.</p><p>Tommy rubbed his eyes roughly before he glanced over at the women he had slept with last night. For once, it wasn’t Lizzie, because it couldn’t be her this time; he needed a stranger who didn’t know him. He felt a part of him sink inwardly when he saw the bruises on her waist from his hands.</p><p>He hadn’t meant to hurt her. He had drifted off somewhere, back to the Somme, and wasn’t thinking clearly. She hadn’t complained about it last night, though.</p><p>Tommy dragged himself out of bed and got dressed before he left several pounds on the bed beside her body and pocketed his cigarettes and his matches before he headed downstairs. The first person he bumped into was Ada who looked like she had been on her way to his row house on Watery Lane Street.</p><p>“Ada…”</p><p>“Tom, have you seen Finn? He was in bad shape yesterday and I wanted to take a look at his face to make sure none of the cuts were infected.”</p><p>Tommy placed a cigarette between his lips. “You’re not a nurse, Ada,” he replied in surprise. “He’ll be fine. I was in worse fights at his age.”</p><p>“I took a class in first aid, Tom,” she sighed. “Anyway, I <em>know</em> you were in worse fights. I watched you. Do you have any idea how easy cuts can get infected?”</p><p>Tommy took a drag of his cigarettes, his mind going back to France again. “Y-Y-Yes, Ada… I d-d…” he stopped himself, cursing himself before he looked back at her and saw her soft eyes. “Yes. Finn will be fine. Have you seen Pol?”</p><p>“She’s in the shop, counting the money. What do you want with her?” Ada looked as if she were about to go somewhere herself. </p><p>Tommy took another deep drag, letting the smoke enter his lungs. “I need to let her know where I’m going to be tomorrow. I have business in London, and I’ll be gone for a few days. Where are you off to?”</p><p>Ada looked like a young girl again. Tommy knew that look in her eyes and he shook his head. “Freddie fucking Thorne, eh?”</p><p>She rolled her eyes before she walked past him now and started down the street. “Good thing you have to seen Aunt Polly, because she wants to see you as well, Tom.”</p><p>Tommy watched her walk away from him now and rubbed the bridge of his nose tensely. He knew he couldn’t stop her from seeing him, or at least stop her in the only way he knew how. He was his friend as well, whether or not they shared the same ideas. He had business to take care first; then once that was done, he told himself he’d take care of the Freddie problem.</p><p>He exhaled the smoke and started towards the betting shop to find Pol. He walked inside and found it busy with the rest of his men writing down bets and taking money. Tommy walked deeper into the shop and found Polly sitting in the meeting room alone. He sighed, not ready to go inside yet.</p><p>It was at that time when he looked around and saw Finn talking to Isiah and was writing down information in the books at a desk.</p><p>Tommy hadn’t properly seen Finn since his fight but even from where he stood, he could see several still fresh cuts on his face; maybe Ada wasn’t overreacting after all. He sighed to himself and walked over to his brother, who stopped laughing and looked up at him.</p><p>“Oh come on now,” Finn swore, seeing the concern in Thomas’ eyes. “Not you too.”</p><p>Tommy reached over and gently moved Finn’s face off to the side so he could get a better look. He cleared his throat. “You should get cream on those cuts before they get infected, b-b-brother.”</p><p>Isiah looked down, knowing better than to say anything about Tommy’s stutter. Finn continued the conversation as if nothing had happened. “I’m fine. I’ll put cream on them later, Tom.”</p><p>Tommy just gave a nod, knowing that Finn would do actually do it, so he decided not to nag him anymore about it. He was an adult now and he could make his own decisions. “Fine. Hey, no more fights, Finn, yeah? We’re not common Londoners, eh? You get involved in fights, you make sure it’s for a good fuckin’ reason.”</p><p>“It was a good reason!” Finn protested now.</p><p>Tommy looked at him skeptically. “What happened? What was it even about?”</p><p>He saw Isiah look at Finn pointedly and shook his head. There was regret on his brother’s face now even trying to defend his own actions, but he knew it was too late and he had to confess. “This kid I was boxing with started running his mouth about the family, Tom. I had to do something.”</p><p>“So you were boxing and that’s how you got cut up? You sure you weren’t running your mouth back, Finn?” He sighed, seeing his younger brother sink a little bit.</p><p>“Fine, I did, but you weren’t there!”</p><p>“That’s right, Finn. I wasn’t. Listen to me… the next time you’re boxing someone outside of Small Heath and they’re talking about us, fucking just cut him instead of using your knuckles. You’re a man now, eh? Start acting like that. Boys use their fists. Men use weapons,” Tommy explained before he left both men alone now and finally forced himself to go face Pol.</p><p>He closed the doors behind him just in case this turned into a shouting match. She turned around and set her pencil down before she looked up at him expectantly.</p><p>“All right, let’s have it, Pol. What’s your issue with me, then?” Tommy asked impatiently.</p><p>“Your brother, Finn –ʺ</p><p>“Is perfectly fine. I already talked to him about the fight.”</p><p>“What did you tell him, Tommy?” Her voice was cautious, bordering on angry already.</p><p>Tommy finished his cigarette before he put it out. “I told him to cut the next bastard next time, Pol. He’s a man now, he shouldn’t be fightin’ with his fists anymore if it’s not even for money.”</p><p>Polly exhaled heavily and took a sip of her whisky before she went back to counting the money in front of her. She looked at him and stood up. “He’s still a <em>boy</em>, Tommy…”</p><p>“Oh g-g-get off of it, already, P-Pol!” He half stammered, half-shouted at her. “If he can fuckin’ drive us around and run errands, then he can cut people that wrong the name.”</p><p>Polly turned on him now, piercing daggers in his eyes with her own. “Look at you, you can’t even talk, Tommy! How the fuck are you going to do this business in London with Solomons? He’s going to think you weak and kill you.”</p><p>The Shelby man swallowed back the anger he wanted to spit back at her. He knew if he got too angry, he really would just be stuttering like crazy and then he’d really be in trouble. “I’ve already done it in front of him, Pol… and he doesn’t give a shit. He’s even tried to help me, which is more than any of my own -family have done for me, except for Ada and Finn.”</p><p>She looked at a loss for words now and shook her head. “You need to step down, Thomas. You’re going to get yourself killed and put the rest of us in danger. Have John or Arthur take over. We’ll call another family meeting -ʺ</p><p>“No,” Tommy said shortly now. “No more fuckin’ family meetings. I’m stayin’ and you need to forget this conversation, Polly. I just came in here to let you know I’m going to Camden for a few days, and I’ll be back on Saturday.”</p><p>“Of course you’re going to Camden town, Thomas… you’re going to come back by way of the cut,” she warned.</p><p>He was done with her and this whole conversation now. He had planned on not leaving until tomorrow, but he couldn’t stay here. He would lose his fucking mind.</p><p>“Take John or Arthur with you.” There was no room for discussion, as if she was the boss.</p><p>Tommy shook his head. “No, if I take one of them, then <em>they’ll</em> get me fuckin’ killed. I’m not taking Finn. I’m going by my fuckin’ self, yeah?” He started out of the room now, feeling the anger raging though him.</p><p>“Fine, if you get killed, though, we’re not having a funeral for you, Thomas!” She yelled at his back.</p><p>He continued to walk and didn’t stop until he arrived at Charlie’s yard. He saw Curly coming towards him with a smile. “Hiya, Tommy… what can we do for you?”</p><p>“Curly,” he spoke gently, lighting another cigarette. “Please get a boat ready for me. Make sure it’s empty except for enough rations for two days, cigarettes, and three bottles of whiskey.”</p><p>“Right, okay. Right away, Tom,” Curly hurried to gather the supplies.</p><p>He took several drags from his cigarette and had nearly finished it when he saw Finn running over to him, out of breath.</p><p>“Finn, go back home,” he ordered in a gentle, but firm tone.</p><p>The younger man shook his head stubbornly before he pulled the gun from his coat and opened up the chamber to make sure that there were still bullets in it and Aunt Polly hadn’t emptied it behind his back. It would’ve been a very Polly thing to do.</p><p>“No, Tom. I’m coming with you, like last time. I can do it. I’m a man, I’ll fuckin’ prove it!”</p><p>Tommy was beginning to regret their earlier conversation now. He should’ve used better words. <em>Fuck, he couldn’t even use words at all lately. </em></p><p>He put his cigarette out on the ground and looked at Finn, placing a hand on his shoulder. This young man reminded him of himself, and he felt closer to him than his other two brothers; he felt like this brother would at least listen to him when he came commands or requests without question.</p><p>“Listen to me, Finn. You’re a man, as long as you don’t go getting into anymore bare knuckle fights. You also don’t need to shoot down every man you see. You’re not comin’ with me this time, F-F-Finn,” he struggled to get out, and saw his brother’s face drop in disappointment.</p><p>“Listen to me, listen to me, eh? It’s not because I don’t think you’re a man. You are. It’s dangerous in London, and you need to take care of things here for me while I’m gone. Don’t let Arthur or John do anything stupid, and if they fight you on it, then have them ring me up at the Camden hotel in London. Do you understand?”</p><p>Finn straightened his spine now, and nodded. He could tell that he had said the right thing this time around. “All right, Tom.”</p><p>“Good. Now go on back home, put cream on those cuts and take care of business for me. If you have questions, then ring me tomorrow afternoon,” Finn nodded obediently, and Tommy squeezed his shoulders. “Good. Now fuck off,” he said, not unkindly.</p><p>Finn chuckled goodheartedly and started back to Watery Lane. Tommy felt pride towards him now and felt more comfortable leaving Small Heath a day early.</p><p>He waited until Curly filled the boat up with provisions and Tommy made himself comfortable it about an hour later, heading towards London. He set aside one of the bottles of whiskey, to make sure he didn’t drink it.</p><p>That bottle would be for Alfie, he decided.</p><p>The Jewish man could’ve killed him where Tommy had stood three weeks ago, no problem. His men had frisked him at the door before he came inside, so Thomas had no gun or hat on him. He wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it.</p><p>It seemed downright silly to kill a man just because he had difficulty speaking. If the tables were turned, Tommy wouldn’t think Alfie weak if it were him with the speech impediment; as long as he could conduct business, take money, give money, come up with schemes and ideas, then that seemed all that mattered.</p><p>Maybe that’s how Alfie Solomons thought as well. Tommy could hope.</p><p><br/>
<strong>…….. … ………</strong>
</p><p>As soon as the boat pulled up in Camden, he saw Alfie’s men come over to Tommy, suspicious of him being early.</p><p>He cleared his throat and looked at them. “You can put the boxes of rum on board. Tell Alfie I’ll be coming back here tomorrow, for our scheduled meeting, yeah? I’ll be in the hotel on the next street.” He saw the men nod in approval now.</p><p>Tommy grabbed his bottles of whiskey before he grabbed the bottle for Alfie, grabbed three more packs of cigarettes and another few small packages of matches and then checked himself into the nearby hotel.</p><p>It was late afternoon, but he was tired, and decided to make himself comfortable.</p><p>He polished off the rest of his cigarettes in the case before replacing them with new ones, and then proceeded to finish off one of the bottles of whiskey he had brought for himself.</p><p>He had done it to calm himself, calm his nerves, but it seemed like it just made his anxiety worse. He nearly jumped when he heard the phone ring. He groaned as he staggered over and picked it up.</p><p>“H-H-H… what?” He asked instead when he couldn’t get the proper greeting out first.</p><p>He heard a familiar hum on the other line. <em>“Right, I heard you was in town, Tommy,”</em> Alfie announced casually. <em>“Don’t need to ask which hotel you’re in since there’s only one in the whole fuckin’ city on this side.”</em></p><p>The tone was gravely, but not impolite exactly. It was just how Alfie Solomons talked.</p><p>“Alfie,” he greeted. “Did your men tell you what I told them?”</p><p>“<em>Yeah, they told me how you’re going to our meeting tomorrow still at the bakery. This might seem a bit… improper, right, but I’m going to come to your hotel room now, is that all right, Thomas?”</em></p><p>Tommy tensed a bit now, wondering why he wanted to meet up with him early. He couldn’t exactly say no to this man, and the way that Alfie asked him wasn’t even as a question. There was no doubt that he would be showing up at the hotel shortly if he weren’t already calling from downstairs.</p><p>Alfie wanted to hear his permission, though, anyway.</p><p>“Y-Y-Yes, Alfie,” he tripped over his words. “Come on up. I’m in room ten, on the second floor.”</p><p>
  <em>“Excellent! I’ll be there in a bit, Thomas.”</em>
</p><p>He hung the receiver up and walked into the bathroom to splash cold water on his face, trying to sober himself up a little, but the whiskey was already swimming in his head. He took out another cigarette and started to smoke it as he put on his pants that he had just taken off, and then his button down shirt, opting to leave his coat off.</p><p>He did, however, put his shoulder hoister back on and made sure that his own pistol was loaded still, just in case.</p><p>Tommy didn’t have to wait long; about twenty minutes later, he heard a heavy knuckled knock on the door and cleared his throat, not feeling up to standing up to get the door.</p><p>“C-C-C-Come in…” he spoke, burying his face in his hands once he had got it out.</p><p>The door opened slowly, and he heard footsteps walk in before closing the door again. He forced himself to look up at Alfie who had his hands in the air, in a surrendering motion.</p><p>“I’m unarmed, yeah?” He walked closer to him and then eyed the hoister at his side before he pulled up a nearby chair and sat down in front of the Shelby man. “It’s no wonder you can’t speak today, is it? You’re already drunk and it’s barely evening!”</p><p>He looked up at Alfie and sighed. “I’m not d-d-drunk,” he got out. “That does remind me, though. I’ve brought a g-g… brought you something.” He reached over and grabbed the unopened bottle before he held it out to Alfie who reached over and took it.</p><p>“Oh, well that’s very gracious of you, indeed, Thomas… I don’t imbibe in this stuff, however. I try to drink only when testin’ out rum, but… I’ll keep this for special occasions, right. Thank you again, Tom… very thoughtful,” Alfie nodded at him and set the bottle down on the floor before looking back at him.</p><p>The men stared at each other for nearly ten whole minutes as Tommy smoked and occasionally glanced out the window. Finally, he couldn’t hold his thoughts back any longer.</p><p>“Why, Alfie?”</p><p>The question out of the blue made the other man knit his brows in confusion. “Sorry, why what, mate? You’ll have to be a bit more specific.”</p><p>“Why haven’t you tried to k-k-kill me yet, Alfie? With me like this,” he waved at his mouth, “I can barely t-t-talk. So… why haven’t you taken the opportunity to k-k… finish me?”</p><p>Alfie looked even more confused now. He searched Tommy’s eyes. “Among other reasons, you’re a business partner, ain’t you? You’re movin’ my supply, right. Why would I kill you when you’re doing <em>me</em> a favor?” When he saw Tommy give a shy shrug, he continued, looking perplexed. “This type of disability isn’t weakness in my eyes, as I imagine it is in others.”</p><p>Thomas Shelby forced himself to keep their eyes locked. He couldn’t deny that he felt a bit more relaxed knowing that he wasn’t in danger of being hurt while he was here, at least not because of his speech issue. He took a drag of his cigarette.</p><p>“Anyone else might think I’m weaker,” he admitted. “Not being able to t-t-talk correctly is seen as a problem in the head. It’s looked down upon.”</p><p>“Well, you and I would know a lot about problems in the head, wouldn’t we, Tom? I was in the war too, right. Whenever someone took mortar fire or hit their head when they fell, it was fairly common for them to be a bit changed. I don’t know how much you experienced it, but I saw it a lot more than I cared to,” Alfie massaged his beard in thought.</p><p>Tommy listened to him, feeling afraid to talk and ending up embarrassing himself any more. Alfie took this as an opportunity to speak more, which seemed like something he enjoyed doing anyway. He was Tommy’s opposite.</p><p>“I had a sister who had a speech impairment,” Alfie confessed casually, causing Tommy to pay attention. “Yeah, she had the same thing as you, Tom. She died just last year of pestilence, but she suffered similarly, she did. Now, I don’t believe my parents noticed this, but I noticed the more she drank alcohol and smoked those awful fuckin’ cigarettes you two both like, her speech worsened. Now obviously, neither of those things would make anything better, but I thought it curious that the more upset or anxious she was, that’s when her speech also worsened.”</p><p>Tommy gave a nod and realized that Alfie had spent several minutes just talking to him without him saying anything back. He put out his cigarette now and rubbed his face. “So I shouldn’t drink or smoke anymore, is that it, Alfie?”</p><p>He shrugged. “That’s entirely up to you, mate. I was just tellin’ you a story. I’m curious, so humor me a bit here, Tom, but does it get worse when you’re upset or nervous?”</p><p>Thomas Shelby sighed, feeling like some kind of freak. “Yes, Alfie,” he nodded reluctantly. “It does get a bit worse.”</p><p>“Yeah, I thought so,” he grunted. “How does your family act towards you when… when it happens?” He asked curiously.</p><p>He didn’t know why he was choosing to air out his vulnerabilities like this to a man he barely knew, but that was the thing; it felt like he had known this man forever. Alfie was just as ruthless as himself, and he respected that ruthlessness.</p><p>He felt like they were one in the same, and there was obviously some level of trust between them already as well.</p><p>He fought the urge to open up the other bottle. “They just…yell at me to talk,” Tommy shrugged, coughing a bit.</p><p>“Ah right,” Alfie grumbled disapprovingly. “Well that’s pretty fuckin’ unhelpful, isn’t it? Well, you obviously know that you’re welcome to come here whenever you feel like when you need an escape.”</p><p>Tommy wet his lips. “What makes you think that, Alfie?”</p><p>“Our meeting wasn’t until tomorrow, you could’ve left Birmingham tonight instead of yesterday. You needed an escape, right,” Alfie answered knowingly. “It’s fine, Tom. I don’t mind, honestly. To tell you the truth, I’m a bit lonely so you bein’ here early is nice. I have Ollie, but…” he waved his hand, his thought going untold.</p><p>Alfie wasn’t sober enough for this conversation. He felt out of his element. “Right, well… I ought to be getting to bed, Alfie.”</p><p>The other man gave a nod now, taking the hint and stood up. “Right, I’ll let you sleep, then, mate. I’ll see you tomorrow at our agreed time, Thomas. Sweet dreams.” He quickly showed himself out, making sure he grabbed his gift from Tommy before exiting the room.</p><p>Alfie was a certain kind of man that Tommy had never met before. He’d been in this business for a couple years now, but he’d only been able to build Shelby Company Limited up now that he had taken Alfie’s money for running rum for him. Alfie Solomons was the reason why Tommy and his family had been able to get nicer clothes and they were making a decent profit.</p><p>He wouldn’t forget that fact, but it was the man’s kindness and understanding that made Tommy’s cold bones feel warm and make his heart beat faster than normal. He knew what these feelings were; he had felt this way towards other men he had met before, but Alfie felt different.</p><p>Not like he was sure if the man felt the same about him, but once again, a part of Tommy found that he hoped so.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. stay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>.    .     .</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The next morning, Tommy made sure he woke up early enough to have time for a bath and a couple cigarettes before he got dressed and then walked on over to Alfie’s bakery. He straightened out his jacket and let the men at the door pat him down, taking his hat and his gun once again before letting the Shelby man go upstairs to see him.</p><p>“Thomas,” greeted the older man, raising his arms up. “Please, come in, mate. Come have a seat, yes?” He waited until he had sat down before he also sat down across from him.</p><p>Tommy took a long drag of his cigarette and rubbed his eyes sleepily before he exhaled the smoke, staring across the desk at Alfie patiently, afraid to say anything.</p><p>It took Alfie a few minutes to speak as well, but he looked as if he were trying to pick and choose his words carefully. “How’d you sleep, Tom? Good, I hope?”</p><p>He sighed heavily and shrugged. “I don’t sleep all that much anymore, truth be told, Alfie.”</p><p>“Right, do you have the Flanders blues, then?” He saw Tommy raise his brows in surprise at the suggestion. Alfie pointed at him. “See, that’s how I know I’m right, that look you just gave me right there. I know many friends who came back to England with those same types of blues. It didn’t make them all exactly… melancholy, you see, Tommy, but it made them act… irrationally, shall we say.”</p><p>Tommy had an inkling what he meant, but he wanted to make sure he was right before he assumed anything. He took another drag. “What d-do you mean?”</p><p>“Irrationally, you know, like… erratically, right. Not in the right behavior as they normally would act. My one friend was the kindest bloody folk you would’ve ever met, went to France, came back, and started having these outbursts, right. He saw things too, Thomas… sometimes he thought he was still back there, getting fuckin’ shot at. It was madness, it was,” Alfie explained casually.</p><p>Tommy gave a nod, knowing that experience well. “I had a friend like that too. His name was Danny. He’d have these outbursts where he thought he was back in Flanders as well.”</p><p>Alfie seemed to relax a little but looked curiously across the desk. “What do you mean… you ‘had’ a friend. Is he not with us anymore?”</p><p>Tommy gave a short shake of his head before dragging again. “For all intents and purposes, Danny is dead. He had an… episode in the wrong part of town, and they wanted revenge for the man Danny took, so… I had to kill him.”</p><p>Alfie ran a hand through his hair. “Where is this Danny fellow now, then?”</p><p>Tommy remained silent, deciding not to fully trust him quite yet, at least not until they had more experience with each other under their belts. He didn’t want to chance telling him how Danny was in London, and then have a deal with Alfie go sour and have the Camden man either go after him or get another gang to.</p><p>Alfie seemed to catch on quickly when Tommy didn’t say anything for a few minutes and he just sat there, staring at Alfie, smoking his cigarette. The other man looked a little impressed, if not also partially annoyed.</p><p>“You’re a smart one, ain’t you, Tom? You know, trust is a funny thing, right. Right now, you have no weapons because my men took them, so you’re trusting me not to just… shoot you right now when I so easily could. You’re not telling me things though because you also don’t trust me. A bit of a conundrum, isn’t it?”</p><p>Tommy didn’t say anything and finished his cigarette before he automatically lit up another, as if on reflex. Alfie gave a disapproving look as he watched the man do this, probably thinking about their discussion last night.</p><p>
  <em>“Now, I don’t believe my parents noticed this, but I noticed the more she drank alcohol and smoked those awful fuckin’ cigarettes you two both like, her speech worsened. Now obviously, neither of those things would make anything better, but I thought it curious that the more upset or anxious she was, that’s when her speech also worsened.”</em>
</p><p>“I’ll trust you when I trust you, Alfie,” Tommy replied, shrugging. “Why are you s-s-so… so t-t-t-trusting towards me, then, eh? I’ve given you no reason t-t-to be.”</p><p>He clenched his jaw now; he was stammering all over the place now, but he was feeling defensive.</p><p>“Now, now,” Alfie chided lightly, putting a hand up, his palm facing towards Tommy. “Don’t get your knickers in a twist, right, I just thought it was fuckin’ curious was all. Take a deep breath, mate. I didn’t mean no harm by it, right, and put out your fucking cigarette! It just makes you worse!”</p><p>Tommy felt too tired to argue so he <em>did</em> put his cigarette out and then he <em>did </em>take a breath before he let it out. Why he did these things, he wasn’t sure, because he barely even knew this man. Maybe he just was trying to avoid conflict with a business partner.</p><p>
  <em>Yeah, that’s what he’d keep telling himself.</em>
</p><p>Alfie’s demeanor seemed to change for the better after Tommy put his fag out, more relaxed. He searched the other man’s eyes. “Thank you, Thomas. Now, let’s talk business, shall we?”</p><p>“That would be nice,” Tommy noted, feeling fidgety without a cigarette between his fingers.</p><p>Alfie seemed to ignore his comment and continued talking. “I’m going to give you…” he paused to think for a moment, “four thousand pounds, right. Consider this myself paying you to distribute my alcohol for the next four months, still a thousand a month. Is this acceptable for you, mate?”</p><p>Tommy nodded once, but inside, he felt the urge to say something else. He knew it would be smarter to get more money out of him ahead of time in case this business deal went sideways later on, at least he’d have the money for anything else he would need.</p><p>He was afraid to speak, though. He was afraid Pol was right and he wouldn’t take him seriously.</p><p>Alfie could see the conflict behind his eyes because he straightened up and he cocked his head to the side a little. “Speak your mind, Tom. I can see it on your face that you have something you’d like to say. By all means, please say it.”</p><p>Tommy swallowed the lump in his through, his anxiety increasing with every minute that went by. “I j-just… I want more,” he spit out quickly before he could stumble on his own words. “I want six thousand pounds.”</p><p>Alfie was looking a bit confused, but he was still oddly calm. “Six thousand, right… now is that for four months still?”</p><p>Thomas Shelby should have said yes. He should’ve told Alfie that he’d have to pay Shelby Company Limited six more thousand pounds after four months, but he didn’t say any of that. Instead, he cleared his throat.</p><p>“We’ll make it for six months, so it’s still fair t-t-to you,” Tommy reasoned, closing his eyes for a few seconds, feeling embarrassed that he was stuttering during a deal.</p><p>Alfie either was ignoring his stuttering now, or it was causing him so much grief that he didn’t want to blow their deal with an outburst; Tommy couldn’t really tell.</p><p>He massaged his beard with two fingers and then opened up his drawer. Tommy tensed slightly, wondering if the other man thought him a cheat and was deciding to just end his life right here, right now. He relaxed, though, when he saw Alfie throw a large pile of money onto his desk. He could tell by the stack that they were two thousand pounds in three different smaller stacks, tied together.</p><p>“Right, Tom. Here’s how we’re going to do this now. I’ll give you the six thousands pounds right now, but in exchange, you must not only carry on the distribution of my rum, but you have to also pay me visits here a few times a week.”</p><p>Tommy felt confused, unsure where this was going. He looked at the piles of money and felt his greed taking him over, but he needed to ask. “Why?”</p><p>“Why, what? Christ, you’re never fucking specific about anything, you people…”</p><p>Thomas rubbed his temple. “Why do you want me t-t-to come here three times a week? I don’t mind distributing your rum, Alfie… but why have me make the trip out here? What do you get out of my being here, eh?”</p><p>Alfie was looking a bit sheepish now, and he shrugged. “I’m not sure yet, Tom. I just… I can tell that you’re an important person to have around, and I think it might be in both our best interests if you just do what I say instead of fucking questionin’ me at every turn, right.”</p><p>Tommy wasn’t sure what to make of this; it sounded slightly threatening, but the way Alfie was acting made it seem otherwise. He stared at the other man for several moments, aching for another cigarette, but fought the urge to light up.</p><p>It would get him away from the family who didn’t accept how he was, if nothing else. He wouldn’t have to deal with Aunt Polly’s disapproving looks or her fake premonitions of being killed over his stammer.</p><p>“Please, stop staring at me with those dead Gypo eyes of yours, yeah, Tom? They’re fuckin’ unnerving as all get-out.”</p><p>Tommy ignored his remark, already feeling used to his anti-Romani comments. “All right. You have a deal, Solomons.”</p><p>Alfie looked delighted now, clapping his hands together as he stood up and placed the money in front of Thomas on his side of the desk. Tom stood up as well and he spit in his palm before he held it out to him. Alfie didn’t look as fazed by it this time around as he had the first time, and did the same before he shook hands with him firmly.</p><p>He placed a hand on the Shelby man’s shoulder, gently pulling him I closer. Tommy could feel electricity flowing through their arms and hands, like a circuit. “So you’ll join me tomorrow for tea, then, to start your three days here.”</p><p>“I came here yesterday, Alfie. That would’ve been the first day.”</p><p>Alfie looked thoughtful before he shook his head. “No, let’s count tomorrow as your first day here, shall we, just to make things easier, right.”</p><p>Tommy let go of his hand now, still staring at him. “I can’t stay here for three days in a row, Alfie. I have business back home.”</p><p>The other man gave a tight smile. “There’s a phone right there on my desk if you’d like to use it to make arrangements. If you choose to go back home, though, then… you can give me back my six thousand pounds, if you please.”</p><p>Tommy realized what he was doing now, and he had mixed feelings about it. There was a part of him that wanted to stay here, get to know this man better, maybe instill a bit more trust, but the other part of him knew that his family would reign hell down upon him for wanting to stay in Camden doing business with this man they didn’t even trust.</p><p>Maybe he should’ve brought Finn with him, after all. Not so much for protection, but for company.</p><p>“I’ll call home when I get back t-t-to the hotel,” he declared, clearing his throat. He was starting to get nervous about what he just agreed to, however.</p><p>Three days in a row anywhere didn’t always mean good things were going to happen. He spent three days with Lizzie once, and they basically just smoked and drank and fucked all day long. Thomas Shelby knew how to read other people, just by looking at them, watching them.</p><p>Alfie was a little more difficult to read, but years of being around other men taught him that he could tell what they wanted. The Camden man’s eyes told him that he was desired, and this worried Tommy a bit. He was all right with hooking up with other men if he trusted them with his life, so this rarely happened. </p><p>He just met Alfie a month ago; he trusted him not to shoot him where he stood, but that was about where the trust stopped.</p><p>“I’ll pop by for a nightcap tonight, I think. I don’t usually drink, as you know, but… I believe this is a cause for celebration.”</p><p>Tommy gave a nod, but he felt his hands starting to tremble a bit. He shoved the money into his coat, along with his shaky hands, and avoided eye contact with Alfie as he left the office and walked out of the bakery, grabbing his hat and his gun on the way out.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>……….. … ………</strong>
</p><p><strong><br/></strong>Tommy had never done a deal like this before, and he wasn’t sure what to expect. It almost scared him, but he tried not to overthink this.</p><p><em>It’s a business transaction</em>.</p><p>That was how he had to think about tonight, and possibly the next three days of every week. He might as well fucking buy a house near here just to save time until his debts were paid. With the money he was making, he probably would buy a house in here.</p><p>He couldn’t imagine going by Canal back and forth every week. He was going to get cabin fever. It would be smarter to just live here and walk to the bakery; he knew that would be risky to do when he didn’t know this man very well and he wouldn’t have to do a lot of searching if something went wrong between them.</p><p>He glanced at the clock. Alfie would be here soon.</p><p>Tommy grabbed the phone and told the operator to put him through to Aunt Polly’s number. He figured that she could at least do some business for him and have the others do the same while he was here.</p><p>A minute later, he heard her voice.</p><p>
  <em>“Tommy, you need to get back here.”</em>
</p><p>He coughed softly. “I just got here, Pol. I’m going to be here for three days. I’ll see you on the fourth morning, yeah?”</p><p>“What exactly are you doing in Camden, Thomas? Are you messing about with Alfie Solomons again?”</p><p>Tommy rubbed the bridge of his nose tensely. He didn’t want or have time for this conversation. “Yes. I don’t have a lot of time to explain what I’m doing, but I need you and Arthur and everyone else to take care of business while I’m here.”</p><p>“What business?”</p><p>Tommy took a deep breath. “I need… t-t-to take care of IRA business. We promised to give them money in return for guns and ammunition.”</p><p>“Guns and ammunition. Fuck, Tommy…  what are you getting us into? What are you doing –ʺ</p><p>Tommy was getting tired of this now. “I’m doing what I need to, Pol! I’m doing this to keep the family safe and making sure we have a backup plan in case we’re no longer safe. I’m doing this b-b-because I fucking need to! If you don’t like the way I’m running this, then you’re welcome to fucking leave, eh?”</p><p>There was momentary silence before he spoke again. “You’re going to get all of us killed doing business with the IRA. You need to pull us out of Camden, Thomas.”</p><p>“Fucking what now?”</p><p>“You heard me. Fucking pull out of Camden. We don’t need whatever he promised you. We can make do, just as we always have. Come back to Birmingham and run your business.”</p><p>Tommy rubbed his eyes now. “No. Alfie has promised us six thousand pounds as long as I come here three days in a row a week, for the next six months. We already shook on it. I’m running my business, Pol,” he said shortly now, losing patience. “I’m running it, but I’m doing it my way.  Like I said, you’re welcome to leave. Don’t get in my fucking way.” He hung up now, not waiting for her reaction.</p><p>He knew she was going to be upset with him when he came back, but he’d deal with it when the time came. His anxiety only let him deal with one thing at a time, and soon it was going to be Alfie.</p><p>He wasn’t sure what to expect from tonight, and it made him nervous. He took a deep breath and tried to relax, and then he heard a knock from the door.</p><p>He stood up, straightened his clothes out, and then opened the door. “Alfie.”</p><p>“Thomas,” he greeted back easily, walking inside with a bottle of rum and two glasses in his arms. “Hope you don’t mind; I thought we’d drink from my own private reserve.”</p><p>“Not at all,” Tommy let him lead them and he felt his blood turning cold when he saw that Alfie had stopped near the bed. He watched him set everything down and loosened the cuffs on his wrists after he unbuttoning them and rolled them up a little.</p><p>He walked over to where he was and sat down, not having realized what this deal was going to entail exactly when he had made it. He looked at the Camden man with fascination, despite his own reserves about the situation; Alfie Solomons was a very handsome man, strong, tall, and seemingly kind when he wished to be.</p><p>
  <em>Why did he feel so fucking nervous, then? He should want to do this.</em>
</p><p>Alfie poured them both rum and took a drink before watching as Tommy did as well and chuckled lightly as he saw Tommy scrunch his nose up.</p><p>“Not your taste, is it?”</p><p>Tommy shrugged. “My taste lies more with whiskey, I think.”</p><p>“Oh, right,” Alfie nodded. “Well, like I always say: rum’s good for fighting and fucking, isn’t it? I thought that the situation called for it.”</p><p>Tommy gave a nod, but didn’t say anything. He quickly swallowed the rest of the rum, trying to get his courage up for whatever Alfie had in mind.</p><p>
  <em>He had made a deal, he had to go through with it. Otherwise, what kind of man was he, really? </em>
</p><p>Alfie took one drink before he set the glass down on a nearby table and moved closer to Tommy. He searched his eyes and then found his trembling hand with his own still one. He gently caressed his fingers lightly and then he let their rum soaked lips kiss, leaning in.</p><p>Tommy was surprised at Alfie’s confidence, but he let him do it. He could feel that electricity again between them, but his body was betraying him; his insides were shaking uneasily, his knees felt weak. He was feeling a thousand other things as they kissed.</p><p>He was not scared, but it was more like several things were happening at once right now that were making him overwhelmed.</p><ol>
<li>He could smell rot, and dirt, and damp earth.</li>
<li>Tommy felt like it was suffocating him, entering his lungs so he couldn’t breathe.</li>
<li>He could hear screams, and bombs, and gunfire all at the same time.</li>
<li>The room was spinning, and he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t</li>
</ol><p><br/>Tommy was gasping for air and holding himself. <em>No wait, he wasn’t holding himself; Alfie was holding him.</em></p><p>He could faintly make out his voice, but he could faintly hear him talking.</p><p>“My God, Tom, breathe! Fuckin’ breathe, mate. You’ll be all right… get some air into your lungs, right. Take a breath,” Alfie ordered.</p><p>Tommy was still closing his eyes tightly, but he did as he was told and let oxygen into his body. He felt like he was choking on it, though. He felt like dirt was clogging his throat so much that he couldn’t breathe.</p><p>“Hang on, Tom. Just hang on,” Alfie let him go gently and stood up. Tommy wasn’t sure where he had gone, but he felt the bed sink again under his weight, and then felt a glass of water in his hands. “Come on, mate. Drink this… it’s water, water’s purifyin’, ain’t it. Go on, Tommy.”</p><p>Tommy started drinking the water like he was a man lost in the dessert, and didn’t stop drinking until it was all gone. He still felt cold and damp.</p><p>“I-I’m there… I-I’m f-f-fucking there,” Tommy felt tears in his eyes now. “I c-c-c-can smell i-it… I’m fucking there…”</p><p>Alfie placed a hand on his shoulder gently. “It’s all right, mate. Just try and calm a little, right. You’re safe and home, back in England. Hang tight for a sec, I’ll be back in a minute…”</p><p>Tommy felt him leave him again, and when he came back again, he felt a hand on his back, while another hand held a cold, wet, cloth to the back of Tommy’s neck now. <em>Oh god, it felt so fucking nice. It felt like what he had been taught what Heaven felt like.</em></p><p>He could feel himself start to calm down now, and as he calmed down, he was reminded how much of a fucking idiot he had acted like minutes earlier. It felt like the cloth had grounded him and he couldn’t smell any of that anymore.</p><p>He was back in Birmingham.</p><p>
  <em>No wait, Camden. He was in Camden.</em>
</p><p>Alfie sat down beside him again and when Tommy held the cloth to his skin as he sat upright again and looked at the other man, he saw shame in his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>But why?</em>
</p><p>“Are you feelin’ any better?” Tommy gave a nod. “Good. It seems like your friend Danny isn’t the only one to have a post-war episode, is he? Do you get these a lot, Tom?”</p><p>He shook his head. “I usually… just get nightmares at night, or early morning.”</p><p>Alfie looked at him a bit uneasily still, distractedly scratching at his arms. “What usually happens in your nightmares?”</p><p>“I’m underground, tunneling. I’m attacked and… a friend of mine kills the enemy to protect me, but he gets hurt too.”</p><p>Alfie tensed a little, quiet for a long time as he took this. “Right,” he grunted. “Well, you’re not back there anymore, Thomas. You should keep this in mind whenever you have these… attacks, right. You’re safe and sound, back at home.”</p><p>Tommy nodded and took another deep breath before he let it out. His heart was starting to calm down; it wasn’t trying to beat its way out of his chest anymore, so he used the cloth to wipe his face off, realizing that he had been perspiring.</p><p>“My… my apologies, Tom,” Alfie spoke awkwardly now, watching as he did this. “That never usually happens when I… do that.”</p><p>“You make these kinds of deals often with people, Alfie?”</p><p>Alfie looked ashamed of himself still, but still found the courage to joke. “Only if they’re as cute as you, sweetie,” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “In all seriousness, I do apologize. I just… assumed that you knew what you were getting into, right. I didn’t think it would be so dramatic for you that you’d have an episode of sorts, but perhaps looking back now, I should’ve been a bit more thoughtful, shouldn’t have I?”</p><p>It was a rhetorical question and Tommy just shrugged.</p><p>“No, I should’ve,” Alfie answered his own question with more confidence now. “It was the fuckin’ wrong way to start a partnership with us, and I just want us to move past this. I’ll even recede the agreement for you to have to stay here three days a week. Just forget it, right. You’re free from that particular obligation. I take it back. Just… run my rum for me, and you can do whatever you want.”</p><p>Thomas Shelby wasn’t sure if this was some kind of trick Alfie was doing, but by the look in his eyes, it was genuine. He really did seem sorry for his actions, and this kind of apologetic conversation was new to Tommy in his business dealings.</p><p>He couldn’t describe the feeling inside of him. It was electricity, only… hotter.</p><p>“It’s fine, Alfie.”</p><p>“No, it’s not fuckin’ fine Tommy,” Alfie shook his head, but he didn’t appear to be angry at Tom, but rather at himself. “You can leave in the morning, if you like. It’s a bit late now to be travelin’.”</p><p>Tommy just nodded and saw Alfie standing up, his shoulders tense and his face uneasy and heavy with guilt now. Guilt was a look that Tommy had seen a lot on his brothers’ faces during their lifetime.</p><p>He saw as the other man started towards the door, not even bothering to take his rum or his glasses back with him, and opened the door.</p><p>“W-Wait,” Tommy stammered, except this time, it didn’t have to do with his brain having difficulty spitting out words from his mouth, it was a different feeling. Tommy knew what he was feeling towards Alfie, and he knew it could be dangerous.</p><p>It could come back to bite him later on, but this stammer was one that made him want to take it.</p><p>Alfie turned around.</p><p>“Stay,” he pleaded quietly. “Please. I…” Tommy looked around and shook his head slowly. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”</p><p>Alfie looked apprehensive, but he nodded and closed the door. He walked over to him but made sure to still keep his distance and give Tommy space. He sat down in the chair across from the bed, and the two men sat together in silence, but this time, it felt more comfortable.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. deals done</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>.    .    .</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Tommy woke up abruptly with a short gasp the next morning, his heart pounding hard against his ribcage like horses’ hooves on a racetrack.</p><p>He looked around, trying to gather his surroundings and saw Alfie watching him with what appeared to be concerned eyes; he only recognized the look because it was identical to how Ada looked at him most of the time.</p><p>He cleared his throat and rubbed his eyes. “How long have you been awake, staring at me like that for?” He took out a cigarette and placed it between his lips.</p><p>Alfie was sitting in the armchair across from Tommy’s chair where he had fallen asleep. He reached over and grabbed the unlit cigarette out of Tommy’s mouth before he threw it in the garbage can beside him. “Just a few minutes. You whimper in your sleep. What do you dream of, Tom?”</p><p>The other man ran a hand through his hair and glanced over at the clock. 8:30. This had to be the longest he had managed to sleep in quite some time. He stood up and stretched, unbuttoning his shirt. “The war, mostly. Can’t say it was the best experience of my life. What do you dream of, Alfie?”</p><p>Alfie remained sitting but took in Tommy’s bare chest and stomach before he met his eyes again. “I dream of all the money I can choke on. That’s what life revolves around, right, time and money.”</p><p>“Sometimes my life revolves around women.”</p><p>The Camden man narrowed his eyes, trying to figure Thomas Shelby out. “How many women does your life revolve around, Thomas?”</p><p>“Too many.” Tommy sat back down now, not ready to go anywhere quite yet.</p><p>Alfie chuckled a little and gave a nod. “Well, can’t say you’re not honest, right. You know… I did mean it yesterday when I said that you could leave if you wanted.”</p><p>It was only partially tempting to Tommy to leave; he wasn’t eager to go back home to face Aunt Pol, or John or Arthur. He searched Alfie’s face curiously. “It’s all right. I’m going to stay, I think. Could I ask you a favor, though?”</p><p>“A favor?” Alfie took this in, the cogs turning in his mind. “What favor would that be?”</p><p>Tommy rebuttoned his shirt, deciding that there would be time to bathe later. “Tea, Alfie. I’d like to have a cup or two of tea, or coffee, if you don’t have it.”</p><p>“Of course I have tea. What kind of man do you think I am, Tom? Follow me to my house. We don’t have tea at the bakery, right. Are you all set to go out?” He turned to look at the other man, who grabbed his jacket, and put his shoes on quickly before he gave a nod. “Right, let’s go, then, shall we?”</p><p>He led Tommy out of the hotel, and the two of them walked towards Alfie’s house. Tommy noticed that he was glancing around cautiously, and recognized this feeling.</p><p>“Have many enemies around here, Alfie?”</p><p>“What? Oh, well… sort of,” he admitted, shrugging. “I’m mostly able to keep them at bay with rum and the occasional buyoff, but some of them slip through the cracks, don’t they?”</p><p>Tommy followed him a bit closer now, but he wasn’t sure if he was trying to protect himself or if he was protecting Alfie. He felt maybe it was a bit of both.</p><p>They finally made it inside his house some minutes later, about ten minutes away from his bakery. Tommy looked around; it was similar size to the one he had on Watery Lane.</p><p>Alfie turned to him. “I can see it in your eye, Tom, that you would like to take a bath, yeah, so I’ll fill you a warm bath, yeah, and then I’ll start your tea while you’re doing that.”</p><p>Thomas was surprised at the generosity Alfie presented him right now. He felt on guard suddenly and had an uneasy thought: <em>would Alfie try to kill him in the bath? </em>He hadn’t finished what Alfie had wanted to do last night, so perhaps he was upset about that.</p><p>He just nodded anyway, and he waited until Alfie drew him a bath and came back downstairs before he went up there. Tommy stripped off his clothes and got into the small bathtub in the room and started to wash himself up.</p><p>He was dying for a cigarette, but he realized that he hadn’t stuttered once yet today, and wondered for a brief moment if that was because of Alfie, or because he hadn’t had a cigarette yet today. Alfie Solomons was making him wonder about too much lately.</p><p>He just wanted to shut his mind off for two minutes, but being here, in Alfie’s flat kept him on his toes. He could easily die here, and no one would know.</p><p>He was almost done with his bath when he heard Alfie knock on the door and let himself in before he took a seat on the closed toilet. This didn’t upset Tommy as much as he thought it would; his brothers interrupted his baths all the time. Nudity was nothing between the four of them.</p><p>He glanced over at Alfie, waiting for him to speak.</p><p>“Your tea’s almost ready, Thomas. I just thought I’d come up and see how you were feeling,” his demeanor had changed, and he looked nervous. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I know last night didn’t go the way either of us probably thought it would, right, well… I came again to apologize for it. There’s no excuse for my hideous fucking behavior.”</p><p>Tommy blinked now, wondering if this was going to be the end of him, just as he imagined it. “It’s fine, Alfie… really. If anyone should be sorry, perhaps it’s me. I had an episode, last night, and I didn’t go through with the part of our deal.”</p><p>Alfie shook his head and grunted. “I don’t… normally do deals that way, Tommy,” he spoke gently. “What I mean to say, is… that you’re different than other people that I do business with. I’ve taken a liking to you, right…”</p><p>Tommy squinted his eyes, having an inkling of what this man was trying to say to him, but he didn’t want to assume anything, in case he was wrong. He also didn’t want to be in the bath for this conversation, so he pulled the drain and got out, drying himself off with a towel before he wrapped it around his waist and turned to look at Alfie.</p><p>“Sorry, what is it you mean to say, exactly?” Tommy crossed his arms in front of him.</p><p>Alfie wet his lips and then looked up at him. “We’ve been doing business for a couple months together now, and I’ve had a lot of fucking time to think, haven’t I? I… think that I might be… falling for you, Thomas Shelby,”</p><p>Tommy raised his brows in surprise and felt his own feelings for Alfie also confirmed simultaneously. He was quiet for a long time, taking this in.</p><p>“For fuck’s sake, Tom, say something, will you?”</p><p>Tommy sighed and shook his head. “What the fuck do you want me to say, Alfie?”</p><p>“Either tell me you feel the same way, right, or tell me to fuck off,” the other man growled, throwing his arms up helplessly.</p><p>Tommy knew he was at a crossroads: he <em>did </em>feel something towards Alfie, but he also wasn’t sure he trusted this man fully yet. If he didn’t tell him he felt the same way, though, he might back out of their deal, and Tommy and his family wouldn’t get the money from the rum.</p><p>He remembered how it had felt to taste Alfie’s lips though, and he felt his stomach start doing flips. Alfie was patient, understanding, helpful, and just at the same time, just as selfish, greedy, and dangerous as Thomas Shelby.</p><p>Alfie Solomons might even be his destined other half for all he knew.</p><p>Tommy gave a nod now and decided to let himself be as vulnerable as Alfie was being. “I feel something for you too, Alfie,” he confessed, albeit a bit fearfully, although he would not show it.</p><p>The other man looked relieved and he nodded. “Good, then. That’s good,” he searched Tommy’s eyes for any signs of lying. “Now, it’s completely up to you, mate… do you currently have plans to go home today, or would you like to spend it with me. I mean it, there wouldn’t be any… fucking repercussions or anything if you didn’t want to spend the day with me. I’m just giving you options. You still have free will, right.”</p><p>Tommy thought about it for a moment, and now that he had gotten his feelings out in the open, he felt like he could breathe a bit easier. “I’ll spend it with you, but I really do need some tea to help me wake up.”</p><p>“Right, fuck. Sorry, Tommy… follow me, it should be done now,” he started out of the bathroom to head downstairs.</p><p>Tommy quickly put his underwear on and then followed Alfie downstairs before walking into the kitchen and sat down just as Alfie placed his tea in front of him on the table. “Cheers, Alfie.”</p><p>Alfie nodded politely and poured a cup of tea for himself before sitting across from Tommy.</p><p>The two of them sipped their tea quietly but Tommy couldn’t help himself from smirking at him from across the table. Alfie rolled his eyes before he looked at him. “What are you fucking gawking at, Tom?”</p><p>Tommy shook his eyes before he shrugged, somehow able to hear the kindness in the older man’s gruff voice. “The way you ask me to be yours, is all. I thought you’d have more balls, honestly.”</p><p>He saw Alfie’s jaw clench but instead of yelling or violence, Tommy was met with a laugh of disbelief. “Excuse me, Thomas Shelby. You’re the first man that I’ve ever actually said that to, right, so fucking forgive me if I’m a bit rusty.”</p><p>He laughed now and took a sip of tea, still smiling. “Look at us, eh? A couple of gangsters falling in love with each other in dangerous times.”</p><p>“I just can’t believe I fell in love with a man from a fucking razor gang,” Alfie teased, sipping more of his tea as well. “Am I your first too?”</p><p>Tommy thought about lying to him at first, but that would’ve set things off on the wrong foot, so he decided to be honest.</p><p>“No, Alfie. You’re not the first.”</p><p>A disappointed look came across his face, but just as quickly, it faded again. It was replaced by an unreadable expression. He cleared his throat and looked across the table at Tommy, his eyes turning dark and serious now.</p><p>“This has to be a secret, right, between us.” It wasn’t a suggestion, but a demand.</p><p>Tommy nodded knowingly, relieved to hear that Alfie wanted to keep it a secret. He had no plans to announce their new relationship to all of Camden and Birmingham. He knew that his family would have a thing or two to say about this if they knew.</p><p><em>“It’s not fucking natural, Thomas,”</em> he could already hear his Aunt telling him.</p><p>He was good at keeping secrets, he just hoped that Alfie was just as good, if not better at it. The last thing he wanted was for this to get out. Maybe this kind of behavior was more acceptable in London than Birmingham, but he didn’t want to test it out.</p><p>They continued sipping their tea when there was a knock at the door. Tommy tensed and looked at Alfie with wide eyes.</p><p>“Stay right there, Tommy. It’s all right. I’ll be right back, yeah?” He left Tommy in the kitchen. The Shelby man could hear talking and he wondered who it was.</p><p>His family knew he was visiting Alfie. Had one of them followed them to his house? Tommy sipped his tea but still felt tense, wishing he hadn’t left his gun upstairs, but now wondered if he should sneak up there to grab it, if nothing else to protect Alfie.</p><p>The door closed a few minutes later, and Tommy saw Alfie move back into the kitchen, looking a bit worried.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>Alfie sighed and shook his head. “Just business,” he glanced over at Tommy, conflict in his eyes. There was a definite apprehension in his eyes of whether or not to tell his new boyfriend about it, whether it could be used against him, and <em>if</em> Thomas would use it against him or not.</p><p>Tommy sighed, afraid to push the topic, but it was evident that whatever had happened was emotionally affecting this man. He finished his tea and turned to look up at him.</p><p>“Alfie, what is it?” He asked kindly. “Can I help?”</p><p>More mental deliberation.</p><p>Then, “Maybe. You were in the war, right?” He saw Tommy reluctantly nod. “Thought so. Get dressed and meet me at the factory. Bring your hat.” He looked down at Tommy for assurance, and when he saw him nod again, Alfie quickly headed out.</p><p>Tom’s heart was pounding in his chest with anxiety. Whatever had happened, wasn’t good. He hurried upstairs and got dressed before he grabbed his hat and hurried out of the house, hurrying towards toward the bakery.</p><p>The fact that Alfie had specifically wanted Tommy to bring his hat wasn’t a good sign. It was common knowledge that the Peaky Blinders had razors in their hats. The doubtful part of Tommy told him maybe he was setting him up to have him killed.</p><p>He shook that thought out of his head. He thought back to Alfie’s proposal of being in a relationship. He had been so nervous, so <em>shy.</em> He wouldn’t have talked that way if he were just setting Tommy up to be killed.</p><p>When he arrived in the bakery, he was stopped by three of Alfie’s men who grabbed him before he could make his way to Alfie who was hunched over something on the ground.</p><p>Alfie glanced over to see the commotion. “Fuckin’ let him through!” he barked at his men. They exchanged confused looks but let go of Thomas Shelby and huddled around whatever was lying in the middle beside Alfie.</p><p>When Tommy neared Alfie, he saw it was not a <em>what </em>on the floor, but a <em>who</em>. A pool of blood was surrounding him, and Alfie was kneeling in it, but he didn’t seem to care. Tommy kneeled on the other side of the man, <em>no, boy</em> and quickly looked him over.</p><p>He was screaming in pain (<em>he couldn’t be any older than Finn)</em> and had his hand on his shoulder. Tommy gently grabbed the boy’s hand to look at the wound. There was a bullet lodged in his shoulder somewhere and blood was pooling down his chest.</p><p>“Alfie, get some rum,” Tommy ordered gently, glancing over at him. Alfie didn’t question him and hurried over to a nearby table and grabbed a full bottle of rum off the table and went back over to them, handing the alcohol to Tommy.</p><p>He wasn’t sure what he was exactly expected to do here, but he was remembering a similar circumstance that happened during the War and there was no medic around. He remembered what one of his men had done. He had been so fascinated watching that it had become something he never had forgotten.</p><p>“What’s your name, lad?”</p><p>The young man looked over at Tommy. “S-Samuel,” he stammered. He groaned in pain again.</p><p>Tommy didn’t want to ask Alfie what had happened, not yet, at least. First things first. “All right, Samuel, I’m Thomas… let’s get that bullet out of your shoulder, eh?” When the other man nodded, Tommy took off his hat and saw Samuel flinch away. “No, no… it’s all right, Samuel. I’m going to help you. I’m a friend of Alfie here.”</p><p>The young man looked over at Alfie who nodded. “That’s right. Tommy here is my mate. You be a good boy for him, and you’ll come out of this in one piece, right, but decide not to, then… you’ll end up fucking bleeding out on this floor.”</p><p>The boy nodded now and looked up at the ceiling. He didn’t appear to be even crying; he was tough. Tommy ripped his shirt open at the shoulder. “All right, Samuel… this is going to hurt so I want you to bear down on Alfie, yeah?” Samuel nodded and saw Alfie lean in. He grabbed his arm in anticipation.</p><p>“Take a deep breath,” he ordered and waited a moment before he took the razor out of his hat and started to dig the bullet out of the young man’s shoulder. He heard Samuel’s screams penetrate the room, but they were screams he had heard on multiple occasions before. “You’re doing great, Samuel… hang in there.”</p><p>Once he found the bullet, he gave a quick glance over to Alfie who was surprisingly letting this man hold his arm and give it a death grip. It didn’t appear to have much affect on the Camden man who was pretty bulky anyway. It probably just felt like a pinch for him.</p><p>He felt the bullet give way, and used the razor to pull it out of his body. He held it and smirked. “There it is. See? You did it,” he set the bullet down and grabbed the rum before he handed it to him to drink. He watched as the young man started chugging it down before he handed it back to Tommy. “Deep breath,” he ordered before he shoved the top of the bottle into his shoulder to help disinfect it.</p><p>Samuel screamed again, but it didn’t seem as bad as it was earlier, and his energy quickly depleted. Tommy set the bottle down and looked around for what he needed but he didn’t see it anywhere.</p><p>“What’re you lookin’ for, Tom?” Alfie asked him now.</p><p>“A lighter, or… a poker or something to cauterize it,” Tommy explained.</p><p>Alfie stood up and hurried over to the large fireplace that was against one of the walls of the bakery. He came back with a red hot poker and handed it to Tommy. “Do you need me to hold him down?”</p><p>“Yes, Alfie. Hold him down.” Tommy nodded before taking the poker in his hand and gripped it low. He waited until Alfie was holding the kid down before he pressed the poker against his skin to close up the hole to stop it from getting infected.</p><p>Samuel thrashed on the ground momentarily before he gradually passed out from the pain. Tommy finished cauterizing it and wiped his forehead with his arm before he handed the poker to some unknown Camden man nearby, who took it.</p><p>Tommy was beginning to realize how quiet it was now in the bakery. He glanced around and saw everyone staring at him. He was an opposing gang; they were supposed to despise him. They were looking at him almost in awe though.</p><p>He didn’t understand it, but he also didn’t need to. He looked at Alfie who was looking at Tommy with gratitude and love in his eyes before he stood up.</p><p>“Come on. We can head back now,” he looked over at Ollie, his right hand man. “Find Samuel a bed to lie in, yeah? We’re not fucking savages.”</p><p>Ollie nodded and then ordered two others to help carry Samuel towards the back.</p><p>Tommy watched them leave and looked back down at the pool of blood before he followed Alfie back to his house. Alfie looked more paranoid now as they walked to his house, neither man saying anything until they were safely inside once again.</p><p>“Cheers, Tom… for helping Samuel back there. That was a rather nice thing you did for him, right. I suspect you might have even saved his life.”</p><p>Tommy was starting to become impatient. “Why couldn’t your men do that for him instead of me, Alfie? Surely, that sort of thing must happen a lot, eh?”</p><p>Alfie twitched his mustache and then caressed his beard, looking a bit uneasy. “We don’t really spend a lot of time trying to get bullets out over here, Tommy. You people might have all the fucking time in the world, right, digging out bullets with fuckin’ razors… but we usually leave them in because we have other things to get done.”</p><p>“And then they die from infection,” Tommy predicted.</p><p>Alfie gave a half-shrug. “Sometimes, yeah, they do.”</p><p>“So who shot him? I know I don’t know you all that well, Alfie, but I don’t think you’re in the habit of shooting each other.”</p><p>Alfie cringed slightly and sighed. “We’ve been having some trouble with the Italians lately. I backed out of a deal with Sabini and his men and now they’re taking their revenge.”</p><p>Tommy internally cursed himself for making any kind of deal with Alfie, now knowing how he had backed out of another. He looked at Alfie in disbelief. “So how am I supposed to fucking trust you then?”</p><p>Alfie met his eyes and he placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “You can trust me, Thomas. This, I promise you. You can fucking trust me.”</p><p>He didn’t want to believe him, but the way that the Camden man said this made no room for doubt. Tommy reluctantly nodded and wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He looked down at his hands and saw they were covered in blood.</p><p>“Go and wash up, Tom. I’ll make us some sandwiches for lunch.”</p><p>He shook his head. “I’m not hungry,” he replied before he walked into the downstairs bathroom and started to wash his hands, splashing cold water on his face while he was at it.</p><p>
  <em>Why the fuck should he stay here, saving his men? </em>
</p><p>They weren’t Tommy’s men. He had no ties to them, just a mutual deal with Alfie.</p><p>Then, another voice climbed in his ear. <em>Because you fucking love him. </em></p><p>And he did.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. a storm in his head</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know it's only been a couple days since my last update but I just couldn't help myself haha.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</p><p>Thomas Shelby shouldn’t be here, saving Alfie Solomon’s men, men from a rival gang. <em>No, you’re business partners right now</em>, a voice inside of him corrected. He shouldn’t be associating with this gang who obviously has problems of their own with the Italians.</p><p>He was just starting up his own business; this was the last thing the Peaky Blinders needed right now, to be in a gang war by helping Alfie’s Camden men.</p><p>
  <em>But they needed the startup capital.</em>
</p><p>They had money now, thanks to Alfie, but for how long? He didn’t want himself or his family members to be afraid of losing their homes, or not having enough money for food, ever. He didn’t want to go back to those dark days after the men came back from War.</p><p>He was starting to question being with Alfie. Did he actually love him, or did he just love him because he was a reliable business associate and he gave him money? Tommy wasn’t sure.</p><p>
  <em>He needed to be sure.</em>
</p><p>He took a deep breath and stared at the sandwich in front of him. He felt sick at the thought of using Alfie. If this wasn’t actual love, what was it? He had too many unanswered questions that he needed to be answered.</p><p>And to answer them, he couldn’t stay here.</p><p>“Are the sandwiches not good, Tom?”</p><p>
  <em>He must have been too much in his head.</em>
</p><p>He cleared his throat and he shook his head. “The sandwiches are fine,” he said in a low voice, looking down at the table before he forced himself to meet the other man’s eyes. “I need t-t-to leave, Alfie.”</p><p>
  <em>Shit, he was stuttering again. This time, he knew it was because he was feeling hesitant, maybe even a bit scared.</em>
</p><p>The other man looked at him worriedly, seemingly able to sense it too. “Leave? Leave and go where, mate?”</p><p>“Home,” Tommy answered dryly. “I need to go home. I… I need t-t-to figure things out.”</p><p>Alfie scrunched his face up in confusion before he massaged his beard with his fingers thoughtfully. He looked across the table at the Birmingham man. “Figure what sort of things out, then? Is it about what happened yesterday?”</p><p>Tommy thought for a moment. He couldn’t lie to him, but yet, he needed to, at least for now until he figured his shit out. “No, Alfie… it’s not about yesterday. I’m… not sure about us, our feelings,” he attempted to explain awkwardly. “We… don’t know each other that well, yeah? I… just don’t know what I’m feeling right now.”</p><p>Alfie still looked confused and maybe frustrated even, but he nodded, looking back at Tommy with unsure eyes. “You do what you have to do, mate. Don’t worry, this doesn’t… affect our deal or what have you, right. Everything’s still all right on that end.”</p><p>
  <em>What was Thomas Shelby feeling in this moment? Was that… guilt?</em>
</p><p>He cleared his throat and he felt the need to continue to talk, but his heart was telling him not to. “What we’re doing, isn’t right, is it? I mean, being with each other.”</p><p>“W-What, sorry?” There was an edge to his voice now and he stiffened. “You told me I wasn’t your first man you’ve been with, yeah? How could you possibly believe that it isn’t right to love each other, mate? That doesn’t make any fuckin’ sense, does it?”</p><p>Tommy couldn’t look him in the eye now. He stood up and grabbed his coat before slinging it on. “I don’t know.”</p><p>“No,” Alfie said pointedly now, standing up. “I’m tellin’ you, it doesn’t make any fucking sense. You don’t think it’s right to be with me, right, but you had no problem being with the other ones you’ve been with. What the hell, Thomas?”</p><p>Tommy still avoided his eyes, feeling like he was out of his body as he spoke to Alfie. “I don’t know,” he repeated again. “I just… need to think.”</p><p>“Look at you! You can’t even fuckin’ look me in the eye!” Alfie growled now, not able to wrap his mind around this. “What’s goin’ on with you? You were all on fuckin’ board with this yesterday! Then that shit with one of my man happens and now you’ve suddenly got cold fuckin’ feet? For <em>fuck’s sake</em>, Tommy… look at me!” His voice was angry, but there was more desperation in his voice than actual anger.</p><p>Tommy finally met Alfie’s eyes, and he had instant regret; he could feel himself begin to melt inside. It was all he could do to not let himself stay here with this man.</p><p>“I-I’m sorry, Alfie,” he apologized meekly before he grabbed his hat and then started out of the small Camden house.</p><p>He was quickly stopped in his tracks though when he felt a firm hand grab his wrist to keep him from leaving. When he looked back at Alfie, there was now a fear in his eyes that he hadn’t seen in Alfie Solomons since he met him.</p><p>“Is this me?” He asked now, fearfully. “Was it somethin’ I’ve done, Tom? If so, just fuckin’ tell me instead of runnin’ away like a coward.”</p><p>Tommy ripped his arm out of Alfie’s grip, or rather, he let Tommy go. “No. This is me b-being a c-c-coward,” he admitted, feeling tears in his eyes before he hurried out. He didn’t look back behind him and didn’t stop walking until he had set foot in a boat and made his way back home.</p><p>
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  <strong>………. …. ………</strong>
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  <em>Had it been cowardice that made him run? </em>
</p><p>It was true what Thomas Shelby had said to him though back in Camden: they really didn’t know each other that well. He felt <em>something</em> pulling him towards the other man, though, some kind of magnetism that he hadn’t felt before.</p><p>He swallowed hard as he set foot back on Birmingham ground in Small Heath the next afternoon. He was tired, and dirty, but he needed to figure himself out before it cost his whole family their livelihoods that they didn’t even have an idea it depended on so strongly.</p><p>He walked over to Lizzie, the woman who had kept him alive, inside, and out, since him and his brothers had come back. She appeared to be waiting for someone as she stood by the corner, smoking a cigarette.</p><p>He searched her face with his own dead ones. “All right, Lizzie?”</p><p>She shrugged and gave a weak smile. “Well enough. You look like death warmed up, though. Would you like to come to my place?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>He let her take his hand and lead her towards her small house nearby. It was considerably smaller than his own, but he didn’t mind; this was the routine they had when he got the Flanders blues or when he felt like he wasn’t alive.</p><p>They didn’t say anything at all as they entered her house and she led him into her bedroom. She put a record on the gramophone before she walked back over to him. They started to undress each other, his hands caressing her skin, taking her in.</p><p>Breathing her in.</p><p>He went through the usual motions, but to him, it felt like she was breathing life in him. It didn’t feel like ‘going through the motions.’ He had used her to breathe life back in him for almost a year now and she didn’t seem to mind too much. At least if he did mind, she didn’t show it.</p><p>They kissed every part of each other with such delicateness, embracing every second they had with each other. By the time they were finished, sweat glazed on their bare bodies, and he was still holding her close, kissing Lizzie’s dark hair and breathing her in.</p><p>“You’re more quiet than usual,” she whispered against her pillow, kissing his shoulder. “What are you thinking about?”</p><p>He gently caressed her skin with his fingers in thought. “There’s a storm in my head, Lizzie. I’m thinking of too many things. I don’t know what I’m doin’ anymore.”</p><p>She looked up at him to meet his eyes and searched his face curiously. “You’re Tommy fuckin’ Shelby,” she said simply, smirking slightly. “You’re making a name for us. I know I’m not a part of your family or anything, but I feel like you’re trying to do good for us.”</p><p>He looked down at her and kissed her lips again. <em>Fuck, it felt so nice to taste her. She tasted sweet, like sugar. </em>“You are a part of my family, Lizzie. You keep my heart breaking, no one else. You help me in a way I can’t even describe.”</p><p>He kissed her temple now and lingered there. Being with Lizzie had been nice, as usual, but it had only stirred the storm inside of him, if anything. It made him even more conflicted about his feelings for Alfie. It <em>had</em>, however, grounded him to a certain extent.</p><p>He felt love for Lizzie, but he also realized that his feelings for Alfie were true; he felt love for him too. It was a different type of love he felt. It wasn’t better or worse.</p><p>It was the same type of love that made Tommy feel like he would take a bullet for either of them.</p><p>Tommy was letting business get in the way of his personal feelings towards Alfie Solomons. He looked down at her and saw a glimmer in her eyes, most likely when he had referred to her as part of his family, he imagined.</p><p>“You’re so distant, Tommy. Are you feeling all right?”</p><p>He gave a nod and a contented sigh before he leaned down and kissed her lips again, unable to help himself. “I’m better than I was earlier.”</p><p>She smiled sadly at him before she wrapped her arms around his body a bit tighter. He ran his fingertips up and down her skin before he kissed her hair tenderly and then sat up in bed to put his clothes back on. She looked disappointed, but not surprised.</p><p>This had become their usual routine. Thomas Shelby was sad, they had sex, he was less sad, and he got dressed to leave.</p><p>“I had to save one of Alfie’s men,” he confessed softly.</p><p>
  <em>Oh yeah, and he would tell her things that he wouldn’t willingly tell his family unless it was required information. </em>
</p><p>She propped herself up on her elbows and looked over at him. “What do you mean? What happened?”</p><p>He found his underwear and pulled it on quickly before he stood up to find the rest of his clothes that had been thrown in their moment of passion.</p><p>“One of his men got shot, by an Italian, and I had to get the bullet out of his shoulder,” he searched her face to see how she felt about it.</p><p>“Oh,” she looked hesitant about this information, absorbing it. “Did he make it?”</p><p>He nodded. “Yes, he did. He didn’t lose too much blood. He was lucky. Alfie helped me cauterize it and I think the kid’s going to be all right.”</p><p>She sat up and brought the sheet around her, suddenly appearing shy. “He was lucky you were there,” she spoke distantly, looking up at Tommy who nodded as he buttoned his shirt and tucked it into his trousers, sliding his suspenders back up over his shoulders. “Ada told me you were in Camden doing business. What do you think of this Alfie Solomons?”</p><p>He fixed his hair and then put his shoulder holster on. “He’s a good businessman. I’m glad to have him as a friend and not an enemy.”</p><p>She nodded in agreement, but she could see Tommy working things out in his head. “Can you trust him?”</p><p>Alfie’s had so many opportunities to kill Tommy in his territory and he hadn’t. He hadn’t even attempted to kill him. Now that he thought of it, Alfie had barely even threatened him. Their deal making had gone pretty smoothly. Now that Tommy thought about it, maybe that smoothness had something to do with the Alfie’s attraction towards him.</p><p>He felt his heart skipping at the thought of seeing the Camden man again, but then it twisted, remembering how they had left things.</p><p>It hadn’t been good. “Yes, I think so.”</p><p>He put his jacket on but sat back on the bed again and lit a cigarette. She reached over and caressed the shaven part of his head. “So what’s the problem?”</p><p>“What makes you think there’s a problem at all, Lizzie?” He took a drag of his cigarette.</p><p>She raised her eyebrows and gave a soft chuckle. “You’re too much in your own head. I know you, and I can tell there’s something else on your mind about this man. So, what’s going on?”</p><p>He searched her face. He trusted her to keep all his other secrets, but this felt personal. He didn’t want to give her ammunition that she could possibly use against him later. He didn’t need his family finding out about what he was. He knew that wouldn’t go over well.</p><p>“Just thinking about business, is all, Lizzie. I’ll be fine.” He sighed and stood up again. He wanted to check in with Finn while he was home. This had been a two-fold trip.</p><p>She didn’t push it anymore and lit up a cigarette for herself now and let the sheet drop from her body, no longer caring about shame. Lizzie knew he was hiding something and if he wasn’t going to open up, then she wasn’t going to push him.</p><p>He placed ten pounds on the bed by her and watched as she took it and shoved it in the table next to the bed. “Thank you, Lizzie.”</p><p>“Of course, Tommy.” She gave him a dry smile and he took this as his cue to leave. He put his shoes on and threw his jacket on before he left her house and then made his way down the street to Finn’s place. He knocked on the door and watched as his little brother stood in front of him, except now his brother was almost his own height.</p><p>“Hey, Tom.”</p><p>“Hello, Finn. All right?” He searched the younger Shelby’s face to see if he had gained any new injuries since he had been gone.</p><p>He nodded. “I’m all right. You?”</p><p>He nodded as well, taking another drag. “All right. How’s everything been here?”</p><p>Finn gave Tommy a face that he completely, and silently, understood one hundred percent. It told him: <em>as good as it could be with Aunt Polly trying to conduct betting shop business, Ada consorting with Freddie Thorne, his best friend, Arthur with his blind rage episodes, John picking  fights at every turn, and Esme trying to keep the accounting book accurate and up to date with Polly breathing down her neck at every turn.</em></p><p>“Everything’s okay here,” Finn said instead. “Hey, can… can I come with you again to Camden when you need to go again?”</p><p>He had only taken ten crates of rum back with him to Birmingham this time as a part of their deal for the next six months, but he knew he’d have to go back at least ten more times in that time span. He cleared his throat. “Sure, I’ll be going back tomorrow, if you want to come back with me then. Are you staying out of trouble?”</p><p>He rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t my fault, Tom!”</p><p>“I don’t care. You still haven’t told me what the fight was about, or who it was with,” he declared. “Is there anything else you’d like to tell me about this fight, while we’re talkin’ about it, Finn?”</p><p>His brother was looking regretful about even bringing it up again now. He was looking conflicted but then sighed. “It was one of the boys around here that was… talking about you, and… your speech problem, Tommy.”</p><p>Tommy tensed a bit now. “We don’t go around attacking our own kin. You know this, Finn. If we went around startin’ fights with each other, there’d be no one around to deal with the business. We can’t fight amongst ourselves.”</p><p>“But Tom – they were takin’ the piss out of you!”</p><p>He shook his head in disappointment. “Doesn’t matter, brother.  They’ve been doing that for years, yeah? Next time they do that, just walk away. Don’t be starting any more fights with our own,”</p><p>The younger man looked like he had more fight in him, but he just nodded obediently instead.</p><p>“Good. Be ready to go tomorrow by six a.m. It’s a long ride.” He saw Finn nod again and then disappear again back into his house.</p><p>Tommy sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose before he started towards his own place. He walked inside and heard movement inside. He tensed a bit and silently pulled out his pistol before he held it out in front of him, skirting a corner to lean out.</p><p>“Fuckin’ hell, Tommy! What the fuck?”</p><p>He was face to face with his sister now and he sighed heavily before he put his gun back in his holster. “What are you doing here, Ada?”</p><p>“I heard you were back home. How’s the business going with Solomons in Camden?”</p><p>He looked at her curiously. “Since when do you care about the business, Ada? Did Freddie tell you to ask about it, eh?”</p><p>She shook her head and poured tea for both herself and for her brother. She walked into the living room and handed him the cup before she sat down on the couch. He followed suit and took one last drag from the cigarette before he put it out and looked across the room at her, waiting for her answer.</p><p>“No, you’ve just been spending a lot of time there, without calling to check in here, might I add.”</p><p>He took a sip of tea, feeling it warm up his cold bones. “Been busy is all, Ada. Things have been happening. How is good ol’ Freddie Thorne?”</p><p>“He’s making headway with the workers’ strikes,” she spoke casually. “People are listening to him.”</p><p>He couldn’t deny there was some bad blood between the two of them, but he had to give Freddie credit for his charisma when it came to challenging things and fighting for what he believed in. “And you? Is he treating you all right still?”</p><p>She nodded and smiled, perhaps unconsciously. “He treats me just fine, Tommy.”</p><p>“He better be,” he stated protectively.</p><p>The two of them were quiet for a few minutes, just taking in each other’s company. He had to admit, it did feel nice to be back home. He missed that air that he just didn’t get in Camden. He missed the sound of coal and gravel beneath his feet when he walked.</p><p>It was dirtier here, but it was home.</p><p>“Ada, I know Freddie isn’t the only one you’ve been with,” he started without judgement in his voice. “I… think I might love someone, but I don’t know them very well. Do you think you can feel something for someone without knowing them well?”</p><p>She seemed to take this in. “Is it… about sex, or… do you feel love for them?”</p><p>He hadn’t had sex with Alfie yet, so it was already easy to separate lust from love. “I think it might be love.”</p><p>She looked almost awed by this. “I think it’s possible to love someone you haven’t known for a long time, Tommy. You can feel a connection with them, and if you have enough in common with them, and you get along, and there’s respect, then I really think there can be love there.”</p><p>It was the answer that Tommy had been searching for. He had partially hoped that it could be possible, but if it wasn’t, then he also felt like it was early enough in their relationship, or whatever this was, that he could call it off without feeling very much about it.</p><p>“That’s the answer I hoped you would give,” he admitted.</p><p>She smiled warmly. “Whoever it is, don’t let her go. “</p><p>He didn’t say anything. He wasn’t about to correct her; he wasn’t worried about her using anything against him. For the most part, they were usually on the same side and she was more understanding, but he didn’t want to tell her about the ‘her’ being a ‘him.’ It didn’t really matter to him all that much anyway.</p><p>He finished his tea and then lit another cigarette and took another drag from it as he watched Ada sip her tea and read her book. “You do realize you have a place of your own, yeah?”</p><p>She smirked and looked at him before she nodded and stood up. “I just wanted to say hello, that’s all.”</p><p>“Hello, Ada. Goodbye,” he waved before he stood up as well and hugged her regardless of his wanting to rid her from his house.</p><p>She didn’t appear to be offended. “Eat something, Tommy. You’re wastin’ away.” She started towards the door.</p><p>“Don’t let Freddie get into t-too much trouble fightin’ for the cause,” he half-teased her. He caught her rolling eyes before she showed herself out.</p><p>He took another drag of his cigarette, knowing that Alfie wouldn’t approve of him smoking. He wasn’t here, though, so he was going to take advantage of that.</p><p>Tommy felt so mentally exhausted and it was only four in the afternoon. He walked up the stairs to his room and collapsed in his bed. He smoked for a bit before he put it out and couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore.</p><p>His last thoughts were about Alfie, and how much he wanted to feel his hands on him, and suddenly, he felt like he couldn’t wait to go back to Camden.</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. first time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</p><p>That excitement he had felt last night had replaced itself with dread and nausea as he arrived in Camden with Finn the next morning.</p><p>He had been a coward and had gotten scared at Alfie’s, running off like a child without a solid explanation. He nodded politely at the men by the bakery who seemed to know the routine now and started to load up the cases of rum onto the boat.</p><p>“Help them, Finn,” Tommy ordered gently. “I’ll be just inside.” He waited until he saw his brother nod in acknowledgement before he started inside.</p><p> The men inside didn’t seem to stop him this time to check him, no one taking is hat from him this time; they must had seen that Tommy wasn’t the razor-wielding gangster they had thought him to be when he had saved one of their own from dying at the least from infection, which was all too easy to do these days.</p><p>He looked around for Alfie, half expecting him to meet him at the harbor, but he didn’t see him anywhere. He started upstairs to Alfie’s office and didn’t see anyone inside except Ollie.</p><p>“Where is he, Ollie?”</p><p>The young man didn’t seem surprised to see Tommy. “He’s at home, Mr. Shelby. Told me he was feeling a bit under the weather.”</p><p>“Right,” Tommy sighed and turned to leave the office. “I’ll just go to him then, eh?” He lit up a cigarette and took a long drag before he exhaled.</p><p>Ollie tensed and stood up slowly. “He told me he doesn’t want any visitors, Mr. Shelby,” he spoke a bit firmly now, as if that were that.</p><p>Tommy ignored him now and walked out before he started back over to where Finn was helping to place the crates on the board. “Here’s what’s g-g-goin’ too happen, Finn. I want you t-to finish loading these crates up, and then head back home.”</p><p>As he expected, Finn looked put out and surprised. “What? What about you, Tom?”</p><p>“I’ll be fine, brother,” he took another drag of he cigarette, feeling his anxiety making a home in his chest at the thought of facing Alfie again. “I need to go talk to Alfie.”</p><p>Finn shook his head. “I’m not leavin’ here without you, Tommy. Let me come with! I promise I’ll stay out of the trouble –ʺ</p><p>“<em>Finn</em>,” Tommy spoke firmly now, looking into his brother’s eyes now. “Load these crates up and go back to Birmingham. I’ll call you, so stay by the phone when you get home, eh?”</p><p>It was evident that Finn could tell that Tommy wasn’t going to budge on the issue, so he reluctantly nodded, looking thoroughly frustrated. “All right, Tom.” He started to go back to helping Alfie’s men put the crates on the boat.</p><p>There was a small part of Tommy that felt uneasy about leaving him alone with the Camden men. He had saved one of them, sure, but they didn’t owe Finn anything. He walked over to the one who looked more in charge than the others.</p><p>“Make sure you show my brother Finn here the same kindness you’ve shown me, eh?” When the man gave a weak smile and nodded, he felt a bit better but then walked over to Finn and leaned in his ear. “If they try anythin’, Finn, cut them if you have to. Do you have your gun on you?”</p><p>Finn shook his head. “Pol made me give it to her. She didn’t like that I had it.”</p><p>
  <em>That would be another issue she’d have to take up with her once he got back to Birmingham. </em>
</p><p>He nodded and then took the pistol from his own holster and then gave it to Finn after making sure the safety was on first. “Tuck it away but be careful not to shoot yourself, yeah?”</p><p>Finn looked a bit relieved and he did as he was told.</p><p>“Good man,” he gently squeezed Finn’s shoulder. “Only if you’re forced to, brother.” He saw him nod and then he headed towards Alfie’s, a stone in his stomach.</p><p>He didn’t feel the best not having his pistol, but he knew that this conversation wasn’t going to involve weapons. He knocked on the door and waited, hearing footsteps moving around inside.</p><p>The door finally opened up and he was face to face with irritable looking Alfie Solomons, who didn’t look very happy to see him, which Tommy figured was fair.</p><p>“Alfie,” he greeted, taking a drag.</p><p>Alfie grunted and gave a curt nod. “Would you like to come in, Tom?”</p><p>“Yes, Alfie… I would,” He moved inside the house and waited for the other man to shut the door before he cleared his throat. “All right?”</p><p>“No,” he replied sharply now, bite in his tongue. “I’m not fuckin’ all right, mate. Did you come here alone?”</p><p>“No,” Tommy shook his head. “I c-c-came… with Finn. He’s helping your men load up the crates of rum to take back home.”</p><p>“Well, you should probably run back to him, then. You oughta be gettin’ back home, Thomas.”</p><p>Tommy sighed heavily, taking one last drag before he put the cigarette out and looked at Alfie with guilt in his eyes. “D-Do you want me t-t-to leave, Alfie? I’ve just arrived.”</p><p>The other man looked a bit conflicted as he looked down at his feet and then sighed, rubbing his face, looking anywhere except at the Birmingham gangster.</p><p>“Yes, Tom. I want you to fuck right off now, please, thank you.”</p><p>Tommy heard the anger in his voice, but he saw a contradiction on his face, and Tommy was good at reading other people. He led him into the small kitchen and filled the kettle with more water before turning the fire up under it. He grabbed two mugs and looked out the window over the sink.</p><p>Looking out, he could see a similar scene that he could see back in Small Heath in his own kitchen; when he looked out, he could see brick walls, and kids and dogs playing outside, and he could see men smoking and talking as it started to rain lightly.</p><p>It felt <em>familiar.</em></p><p>The only real difference was that these were Londoners, and back home, they were Brummies. Back home, they were Tommy’s kin.</p><p>He was amongst near strangers around here, so perhaps there really was a difference after all now that he thought about it.</p><p>“Look, Alfie, I… I fucked up when I left here,” Tommy spoke softly.</p><p>Alfie looked over at him and scoffed. “Yeah, I’d say you fuckin’ did, mate! You wouldn’t even talk to me about what was goin’ on, would you? You just fucked off back home without a second glance.”</p><p>He didn’t need a reminder about what he had done, but he was going to try his best not to start another fight with Alfie right now. He poured the water into the teacups and took them over to the table before he looked up at him.</p><p>“So let’s talk now about it, eh?”</p><p>The truth was, Tommy really didn’t want to have this conversation with Alfie, but he knew he had to or else risk their business relationship. Alfie could have him or Finn killed at any point in time, deals be damned.</p><p>Alfie looked at the offering of tea on the table and sat down in the chair across from Tommy when he sat down. He was quiet for a long time before he took a sip of tea and looked at the other man.</p><p>“Well let’s fuckin’ have it then, right. Why did you run off? What did I say to scare you, Thomas?”</p><p>Tommy was strongly disliking Alfie calling him by his proper name; it felt like he was being scolded every time Alfie called him Thomas instead of Tommy. It reminded him of his Aunt Polly, who did similar.</p><p>He took a drink of tea and fought the urge to light up again; he didn’t want to be stuttering his way through his conversation any more than he probably was going to, and he knew the smoking exacerbated his stuttering.</p><p>“I got scared, Alfie,” he confessed softly, staring down at his tea, hanging his head in shame. He never wanted to admit that he got scared at all. “It wasn’t because of that boy with t-the bullet in his shoulder, though. I got scared… because… you’re the first man I’ve actually felt… something strong for that wasn’t lust,”</p><p>Alfie’s face softened a little now and he searched Tommy’s face. He forced himself to finally look at the Camden man as he continued to explain himself.</p><p>“The other men I’ve been with… I’ve always thought I had felt love for them, but… it never felt like this. We just… fucked, and that was that. It was nice, and for a while, I would feel a connection to someone, but then it would be gone, and I’d be onto the next. I got scared because… I don’t know you, all that well, Alfie… and I feel love towards you, and that scares me.”</p><p>Alfie was anxiously fiddling with the gold rings on his fingers, quiet for a bit before he finally spoke. “It scares me too, mate,” he admitted timidly, nodding slowly. “It’s fuckin’ dangerous to love someone and not know who they even are, isn’t it? We both have the power to just… fuckin’ wipe each other out, one way or another… but we have to trust that the other won’t fuck us over like that. It’s a scary situation, Tom,”</p><p>Tommy nodded, feeling the knot in his stomach slowly start to untie itself as they both made their confessions to each other. He hadn’t actually gone to confession in a long time, but he imagined it would feel similar to right now.</p><p>“So,” Alfie started again, “Is that all you feel towards me, love? I mean, don’t get me wrong, mate, it’s a hell of a lot, I know, but… is there nothin’ else there too? I mean… an attraction of the physical sort, or… what is this to be, right.”</p><p>Tommy smirked slightly and took his hat off, laying it on the table. “That’s there too, along with the love, Alfie.”</p><p>“Ah, right… well, good, then. It’s… it’s mutual then,” he grumbled awkwardly.</p><p>Obviously neither man was fit to be having this type of conversation; it felt so awkward and uncomfortable. Neither of them hardly ever showed their more delicate emotions towards anyone else.</p><p>Tommy smiled to himself now. “Good then.”</p><p>“Right, is there anything else you’d care to talk about, in regard to you leaving?”</p><p>Tommy searched his face. “Should be there something else?”</p><p>Alfie shrugged, his hands open as he stared at Tommy a bit pointedly. “What was it in that coal shithole of a place you call home that you found your answer to us? What made you change your mind, then?”</p><p>He thought for a moment. “I had to see if it was possible, Alfie, to love someone without really knowin’ them well.”</p><p>“Oh,” he nodded, still fiddling with his rings nervously. “So, is that it, mate? I mean… are you… on board for all of this, for us?”</p><p>“Until you tell me to fuck off, then yes, Alfie, I’m with you.”</p><p>The other man narrowed his eyes in thought, as if he didn’t fully believe Tommy. He wet his lips and then looked at him. “You told me you have other women in your life, so… do they know about us as well?”</p><p>“No,” Tommy answered directly.</p><p>“Right,” Alfie massaged his beard, still thinking. “Well, I honestly don’t care what you do in Birmingham, mate, but… while you’re here, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t sleep with anyone else. You know, just for some peace of mind.”</p><p>The thought hadn’t really crossed his mind to cheat on Alfie at all, but he thought about Lizzie back home, and how he had trouble staying away from her. Around here wouldn’t be an issue; he didn’t have any business with anyone else except Alfie, and he had heard how the Jewish women in Camden were off limits to outsiders anyway, upon pain of death.</p><p>“I understand, Alfie,” Tommy took another sip of tea.</p><p>Alfie gave a hum of satisfaction before he grew quiet, sipping his tea and watching Tommy look out the window as he did the same.</p><p>The tension between them had dissipated and was now replaced with an amiable atmosphere of respect between the two men.</p><p>“It’s funny… you told me earlier how you basically don’t trust me completely yet, right, and yet you seem to have no problem with leaving your kid brother alone with my men.”</p><p>Tommy looked over at him with an unreadable expression on his face. “Finn has a gun that he knows how to use, and we haven’t heard any shots being fired yet, so I know that he’s all right.”</p><p>“Unless one of my men simply cut his throat.”</p><p>Tommy visibly tensed now, and he searched Alfie’s eyes uneasily. “If they’ve killed Finn, it would mean a war for both of us, and you can’t afford another war on top of the other one you have with the Italians.”</p><p>Alfie looked a mixture of amused and impressed before he nodded and shrugged. “You’re absolutely fucking right, Tom… yes, you are. Anyway, you have nothin’ to worry about from myself or my men, mate… I’ve already told them to leave both of you alone or else there’d be repercussions from me. I’m sure you’re brother is all right.”</p><p>Tommy gave a nod. “I suppose I’ll have to trust you on that.”</p><p>“I’ve actually told me men ahead of time, this morning, before you two arrived, to have Finn call here when he arrived back home safe and sound to let you know that he was safe,” Alfie spoke almost smugly. “So, you see, Tommy, I’ve actually two steps ahead of you, right.”</p><p>Tommy searched his face. “You’re serious…?”</p><p>“Oh, as fuckin’ typhoid, mate. Now, I’m not trying to threaten you here or anything like that, but… I just want you to know that I already know how you think, right. I just fuckin’ <em>knew</em> you were going to come back here to explain, and that you’d send little Finn back home, but not before having him help my men load up your crates… and not only that, right, but I knew that you’d feel uneasy about him out there alone with my men, so… right, I told them to tell him to call here when he got back home,,” Alfie shrugged nonchalantly now.</p><p>Tommy gave a light chuckle before shaking his head, sipping more of his tea. He wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or upset, so he went for the former. “It seems like I’ve underestimated you, Alfie.”</p><p>“Yes, you did, Thomas.”</p><p>No more was said, but Tommy’s nerves were completely gone now, having found relief at Alfie’s roundabout way of telling him that Finn was safe, or at least, would be soon. They finished their tea and Alfie stood up and stretched.</p><p>“Let’s go by the fire. I’m fuckin’ chilled, I am… fuckin’ English weather.”</p><p>Tommy and him both made their way over to the lit fireplace and Tommy sat down in front of it, also feeling a bit chilled. Alfie knelt down next to him and they sat like that for a bit before he placed his hand on Tommy’s thigh.</p><p>The Shelby man looked up at him, trying to decide how he felt about the touch. The dynamic between them had somehow shifted from the first night in the hotel to now, and he realized he actually was feeling more comfortable with the intimate touch.</p><p>He swallowed hard and reached over and placed his hand on top of Alfie’s before he started to caress it, feeling the other man’s rough, callused, and scarred hand. He saw him move closer and then bend down, pressing his lips against Tommy’s.</p><p>A fire ignited inside of him, tasting the minty tea on Alfie’s lips still. He sat upright now and kissed him harder, feeling the other man’s fingers caress his shoulders, and down to his back. They started to undo buttons with shaky, eager fingers, until they were both fully bare in front of each other.</p><p>Alfie was looking somewhat timid, obviously not used to being so vulnerable in front of another male, or even female, for that matter. He went back to kissing Tommy, his hands finding the other man’s cock.</p><p>He let out a soft moan at the touch and started to caress Alfie’s thighs with his own rough hands. Neither one seemed to mind too much that their hands weren’t so soft or gentle, but it didn’t matter. Nothing seemed to matter right now.</p><p>Both their hearts were pounding hard and fast against their ribcages, respectively.</p><p>As they kissed and caressed each other passionately, sweat was starting to bead on both their bodies as they kneeled in front of the fireplace.</p><p>“I-I’ve… I’ve never done this before, mate… I mean… w-with a man.’</p><p>
  <em>So Alfie had been with a woman at one time. </em>
</p><p>Tommy wiped the sweat on his forehead and looked at Alfie, out of breath. “Don’t worry. Just relax, eh? Stay here a minute.” He stood up and disappeared, heading up the stairs to Alfie’s room before he came back about ten minutes later with what he had been looking for.</p><p>He set it down and then knelt down in front of Alfie, suddenly taking him into his mouth.</p><p>Alfie moaned and leaned his head back, his mouth partially open in pleasure. He placed a gently hand on Tommy’s half shaven head, and held him there. “Fuck, Tom… y-you really know your way around a cock then, don’t you?”</p><p>Tommy couldn’t believe even while this man was being sucked off, he still had to get the last word in. It was incredible.</p><p>He could feel Alfie’s cock grew in his mouth as he sucked him and then stood up again before he smirked at Alfie and shook his head, carefully spilling an amount of the body oil into his hand.</p><p>He rubbed his own cock with the oil now and felt it grew from the new texture. He moaned softly in pleasure and saw Alfie’s eyes glint with desire, staring at him like he was a prized mare. Tommy stared back at him and started to feel apprehensive, wondering how Alfie would take the upcoming orders.</p><p>He looked at the other man. “G-Get on your hands and knees, Alfie…” he searched his face, knowing this man wasn’t used to taking orders from anyone.</p><p>Alfie’s jaw twitched slightly but to Tommy’s surprise, he obeyed, slowly getting to his hands and knees, his own cock still hard.</p><p>Tommy felt a slight surge in his own as he watched Alfie obey his orders, but then silently wondered what it’d be like for the situation to be turned around.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe next time.</em>
</p><p>He got behind Alfie; now that he was lower, he was actually at a perfect height for Tommy to enter him at. He placed his hands against the Camden man’s waist, but then felt the need to warn him. “T-This might hurt a bit, Alfie… but then it’ll feel just fine.”</p><p>“Get on with it, Tom, yeah? I just… I want to feel you already…”</p><p>Tommy smirked to himself and then slowly entered him, remembering what <em>his </em>own first time had been like. He felt the other man instantly tense up and swear. He stopped moving, looking over at him. “You need to relax, Alfie… it’ll feel better if you do.”</p><p>“I-I don’t know if… if I can. This feels fuckin’ mental right now.”</p><p>Tommy gave a gentle chuckle, running his hands down Alfie’s back softly. “Of course it does. It’s sodomy, Alfie. I believe your people are strongly opposed to this,” he teased.</p><p>The other man seemed to relax some, giving a weak chuckle at this as well. Tommy felt his body easing up now, and he slowly began to pump in and out of him, feeling his body start to welcome the foreign intrusion a bit easier with every thrust.</p><p>Alfie groaned on the floor. “Fuck, Tommy…”</p><p>He continued to make love to him, feeling Alfie push back against him. Their breathing became heavier, faster, and he could tell they were both getting close. He looked over to see if he could see Alfie’s face, and he noticed the man had his own hand around his cock.</p><p>This seemed to turn Tommy on more, and he suddenly felt himself come inside of Alfie, letting out a loud moan as he did so. He heard Alfie give the same type of moan a few seconds later as he came as well, and the two men collapsed on the floor, out of breath and sweaty.</p><p>Tommy looked over at Alfie. “All right, love?”</p><p>Alfie was grinning, still trying to catch his breath. “I’m better than fuckin’ all right, mate. Was it… was it all right for you, Tom? I mean… was it… okay?”</p><p>The Shelby man smiled brightly and nodded in satisfaction before he kissed Alfie’s lips, half expecting the other man to pull away after remembering earlier activities, but he stayed in the kiss. When he pulled away, they were both still smiling.</p><p>“It was amazing, Alfie. I promise. You, were amazing.”</p><p>Alfie’s smile found his eyes too now and he wrapped his arms around Tommy’s bare body. The two of them stayed like that for a long time until they became too warm and decided to share a bath together.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. the incident</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>here's another chapter up for ya'll. Please don't hate me too much, haha</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <strong>.   .    .</strong>
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</p><p>“I really wish you’d get rid of those fuckin’ poison sticks,” Alfie complained, sitting opposite from Tom, both their legs on each other’s laps to give the other man enough room in the bath.</p><p>Tommy smirked and took another drag, looking at him. “They help me t-t-think.”</p><p>Alfie scrunched his nose up in disapproval, massaging Tommy’s foot absentmindedly. “They help you to stutter and stumble over your words, more like. I really wish you’d see that man whose card I gave you. I really think he could help you.”</p><p>“Did he help y-your sister?” He asked curiously.</p><p>Alfie sighed, shaking his head. “Sadly no, Tom. She died before he came into proper business, but I have no fucking doubt that he could’ve helped her. It’s not too late for you, though, innit?”</p><p>Tommy took another drag and scratched his temple. “I… d-d-don’t want… help,” he stammered, getting upset. “Just let me be, Alfie.”</p><p>He put his hands up in surrender, but dropped the topic. He looked across the bath at the other man, watching him with kindness in his dark eyes. Neither man said anything for several minutes, both of them probably taking in their earlier escapade.</p><p>“So how was your first t-time with a man?” Tommy took another drag before he exhaled and then put the cigarette out.</p><p>Alfie wet his lips and he chuckled. “It felt about as good as the first time I was with a woman, Tommy,” he shrugged. “It was unexpectedly satisfactory.”</p><p>Tommy scoffed and smirked, shaking his head in amusement. “Satisfactory? Are you fucking joking, Alfie?”</p><p>“Yeah, I am. It was unsatisfactory, mate, sorry to say,” the other man shrugged.</p><p>At first Tommy thought he was serious, and felt a sinking feeling in his stomach, but then he saw a smile on his face, and heard him starting to giggle. Tommy violently splashed him now before he also started chuckle. “You’re a prick, Alfie, you know that, eh?”</p><p>“Oh, I am well aware, mate.”</p><p>They finished their bath and were drying themselves off when the phone began to ring. Alfie wrapped a towel around his waist and walked to the phone quickly, picking up the receiver. “Right, hello?” There was a pause. “I-I’ll be right there.”</p><p>He slammed the phone now into its holder and started to hurriedly get dressed again in his clothes they had left by the fire. The alarm on his face startled Tommy that he began doing the same as well.</p><p>“What’s happened, Alfie?”</p><p>He tried to meet his eyes, but when he did, he saw fear in them, and he wished that he hadn’t caught his eye.</p><p>“There’s been an incident at the bakery, Thomas,” he quickly put his shoes back on and grabbed his jacket. “Your brother’s there still.”</p><p>Thomas’ eyes grew wide with fear, and he hurried put his clothes on before his shoes, fearing the worst. “Finn? What the hell happened, Alfie?”</p><p>“I don’t know, exactly,” he said shakily. “Come on, let’s head over there.”</p><p>Both men hurried towards the bakery, both of them wondering what had gone down. If something bad had happened to either of their people, this might be the end of their relationship, and that was a tension that they could both feel without having to ask the other.</p><p>They walked inside, filled with dread, and Tommy looked around until he saw Finn. He was covered in blood, both he wasn’t sure it was his own.</p><p>He walked over to him and then looked down, seeing what Finn was looking at. His brother’s chest was heaving in still fresh anger, and he put the pieces together. Thomas looked down and saw a man who was whimpering in pain, still alive.</p><p>He was cut up pretty good though; his face would be scarred for life, if nothing else. Tommy looked at Finn. “What the fuck did you do, Finn?” He grabbed Finn’s hat out of his hand saw blood dripping off the razors attached to it.</p><p>Alfie bent down to his man and felt for a pulse, just to make sure. He looked up at Tom with the same dreadful expression that he had on his own face. He stood up now and looked at his men.</p><p>“Make sure this man gets to a fuckin’ hospital, right.” He pointed to the young man on the ground, who couldn’t have been older than twenty-five.</p><p>
  <em>Boys. They were all just fucking boys that worked here. Men, with their whole lives ahead of them.</em>
</p><p>“Finn!” Tommy shouted at him in panic. “Answer me… what happened?”</p><p>Finn looked taken back by his brother’s anger and he was caught off guard. “He… he was taking the piss, Tom! He was making fun of you! I… I had to! I couldn’t just let him do that!”</p><p>Tommy exhaled sharply and ran his hands through his hair before he watched Alfie’s men leave with the injured boy, hearing a car start up and leave. He glanced at Alfie before he grabbed Finn’s arm and dragged him outside, not caring that it was raining.</p><p>“What the fuck did you do that for, Finn, eh? I don’t want to hear fuckin’ excuses about you standing up for me because they were taking the piss! It’s happened as long as I’ve been breathin’ and it’ll keep happening until the day I stop! Cuttin’ them isn’t going to make them stop!”</p><p>“It will if I cut out their tongue,” Finn sighed, looking at his brother in disbelief. “Isn’t that what we’re about, Tom? Isn’t that what we do? What’s the big deal?”</p><p>There was so much in Finn’s explanation that he didn’t have to explain why all of it was wrong. He couldn’t tell him about what he was doing with Alfie, and why none of the Peaky Blinders were allowed to touch his men.</p><p>“Finn, we don’t cut the people that we’re currently doing business with, and right now, we’re doing business with Alfie Solomons. If you killed that lad, then he might decide he wants fuckin’ blood in return,” he spoke in a hushed whisper, gripping Finn’s shoulder tightly, looking up at him.</p><p>“He was bad-mouthin’ you and the way you talk! Did you want me to just let him keep doing it? I was standin’ up for you!” Finn was angrier than anything right now, and it was evident that he just couldn’t understand why what he did was wrong.</p><p>“I don’t care, Finn! None of that matters. I want you on this boat, goin’ back to Birmingham, right now, like I told you to before! Take the crates back home, and get them shipped out.” He stared holes into Finn.</p><p>“I was fuckin’ defendin’ you, Tom! I’m the only one back home besides Ada who doesn’t care that you speak differently than the rest of us! I was defending your honor!” Finn suddenly screamed at Tommy, fire in his eyes.</p><p>Tommy heard footsteps from behind him and he knew it was Alfie watching them. He swallowed hard, continuing to stare at Finn, feeling angry himself now. He pointed to the boat. “Back home, now, Finn! We’ll discuss this when I get home in a couple days! Now get out of sight!”</p><p>Finn sighed and shook his head before he got onto the boat and Tommy watched as the boat slowly made its way down the canal, heading back towards home. He looked down at Finn’s hat he was still holding in his hands. He gripped the razors in the hat, clenching his jaw as they cut his palms, but he was so frustrated that he didn’t care.</p><p>“I think that young man’s going to be scarred for life, poor soul,” Alfie spoke now. “Do you care to explain to me what just fuckin’ happened, Thomas? This is quite a serious event that’s taken place here between us.”</p><p>Tommy had expected Alfie to separate business from their relationship, and Alfie Solomons hadn’t let him down. He knew it was going to happen because it had to. They both had their livelihoods and their people to take care of.</p><p>“Let’s talk in your office, Alfie,” he replied, not especially wanting any more Camden men to hear conversations about Finn.</p><p>Alfie nodded and led him upstairs, shutting the door behind him. Tommy felt like he was back to square one with him; there was another shift in their dynamic and suddenly, everything had become complicated again.</p><p>It was as if earlier by the fireplace hadn’t happened at all, or their bath together.</p><p>He looked across the desk at Alfie, who was looking equally as conflicted right now. “All right, so explain, Thomas, why your brother used a fuckin’ razor to cut one of my own young men up?”</p><p>“He was… trying to protect my dignity,” Tommy attempted to explain. “He’s been doing this for a couple years now, whenever someone… makes fun of my… speech issue, he feels the need to look out for me and he’ll cut them. He’s tryin’ to protect my dignity, and my name. I’ve told him numerous times not to do it, but he doesn’t listen.”</p><p>Alfie sighed heavily and his face contorted oddly. He ran his fingers over his beard in thought before he leaned back in his chair and looked out the large office window to see the small pool of blood on the concrete floor.</p><p>He looked back at Tommy and there was an uncertainty in his eyes. <em>He didn’t want to do anything about this. He wanted to let it go, but he couldn’t.</em></p><p>“There’ll be push back from my men if I don’t do something about this, Tom,” he spoke softly.</p><p>Tommy gave a nod. “I know, Alfie.”</p><p>“I’ve never been in this position before, mate. I’m not sure what would be considered fair, right. I don’t want anythin’ to happen to your little brother Finn there. I know how he’s kin and all to you. What do you think, Tom?”</p><p>Tommy searched his face. “Are you askin’ as my business partner or my lover, Alfie?”</p><p>The other man sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Both, I suppose. What should I do here, Tommy?”</p><p>Thomas Shelby thought about what he might do in this situation. If one of Alfie’s men had hurt his, then of course there’d be repercussions, if not an all out war. This felt different, though. He fought the urge to light another cigarette.</p><p>He didn’t want to lose Alfie, not when for the first time, he had found another man he could be in an actual relationship with. He actually wanted to keep him. He was willing to do whatever it took, even if it meant his own business might be hindered.</p><p>“I-I’ll… pay you for the damage caused. Just name your price, and… you can do whatever you want with the money.” He hated how desperate he sounded, but he didn’t want Finn to get hurt, and he didn’t want to lose Alfie and have him turned into an enemy, so this was the only other way he could see to make him stay with him.</p><p>Alfie silently exhaled through his nose and he stared at Tommy before he straightened his back again. “Right, let’s say… five thousand pounds instead of a pound of flesh.”</p><p>Tommy nearly fell out of his chair, blinking slowly. “That was what you already gave us to handle your rum, Alfie. We’ve already spent that to build Shelby Company Limited up. We don’t have that money anymore.”</p><p>“How long do you think it’ll take to get that much money again, then?”</p><p>Tommy clenched his jaw. “Probably several months, once we get paid again for the rum we sell for you,” he figured. At this rate, he’d be lucky if he could keep their head above water. They were just starting to earn something between the betting shops and the Garrison, but they would need to rely on Alfie’s rum for the big earnings.</p><p>Alfie caressed his beard again and looked at him. “Fuckin’ all right, then… forget our previous deal of six months that we made before. Let’s just start all fuckin’ over now, shall we, Thomas? All right, I’m going to pay you six thousand pounds to run the rum that Finn is taking back home now, but in six months, I’m going to withhold the six thousand that time, for the damage and pain caused to that poor young lad today, six more months, we’ll proceed with our previous arrangement unless the situation changes. How does that sound?”</p><p>Honestly, it sounded horrible. They’d have to do business with someone else in those six months they weren’t going to get paid, find another way to make money. He gave a reluctant nod though and watched as Alfie spit into his hand to seal the deal, an attempt to get into Tommy’s good graces by way of custom.</p><p>Tommy spit into his own hand, and the two men shook on it.</p><p>As terrible as this deal was for Tommy and his Shelby Company Limited, it was still considerable better than Finn being hurt or killed because of what he had done. He would take the loss in money if it meant his kin was safe and away from harm.</p><p>“So what happens now, Tommy?” Alfie asked, searching his eyes. “I can’t imagine you’d like to come back to my house for some tea, right.”</p><p>“Let’s have tea, Alfie,” he spoke softly, almost solemnly. He followed the other man back towards his house, loathing how much control the Camden man had over him. He had thought he had been the one in control earlier, but maybe it had been Alfie Solomons all along.</p><p>They arrived at his house, soaking wet, and hung their clothes in front of the fireplace before they sat in their underwear in chairs drinking tea.</p><p>Suddenly, Tommy felt out of place, like he didn’t belong here. He wasn’t sitting with the Alfie he had made love with earlier; this was a different man, one who valued money over relationships, and he wasn’t sure what to make of that.</p><p>It twisted him up inside, tortured him. Having tea with this man felt like he had betrayed the former. He suddenly felt the urge to head back home, but he decided to hold out here for the night and head back in the morning instead.</p><p>“Just so you know, Tom, I… don’t hold any ill will towards you or your brother for what he did,” Alfie spoke softly, glancing over at him. “He was protectin’ your dignity, and that’s a respectable decision. My man was out of line for takin’ the piss, wasn’t he? If I had been there when it had happened, I’m sure I would’ve taken him down too.”</p><p>Tommy finished his tea and set it down, looking over at Alfie. “It was a respectable decision for my brother to cut your man, but apparently, it was still worth six thousand pounds to you.”</p><p>
  <em>He shouldn’t have said anything. </em>
</p><p>Alfie twitched now and cocked his head slightly to the side. “I’m a businessman, Tom, just like yourself. I’m only doin’ what you would’ve fuckin’ done in my shoes, right.”</p><p>“Right, a businessman first, a lover second,” Thomas chided, shaking his head. “I’m just starting out, Alfie, and you’re already trying to burn me down. I’ll have to find other means of makin’ money for those six months we won’t be in business.”</p><p>Alfie’s brows scrunched in confusion and possibly even offense. “You can still come to see me, Thomas… business aside, we can still… be together, right. We can’t forget that your little brother almost killed one of my men, if he ain’t dead already, mate.”</p><p>Tommy didn’t want to remind him how Alfie had admitted he would’ve done the same thing if he had been near the lad. He felt conflicted and angry, and frustrated. “You’re willin’ to take my whole business down so you can still be with me, eh? You’re not just hurtin’ my family, Alfie. You’re fuckin’ hurting me as well.”</p><p>He began to put his clothes back on now.</p><p>Alfie set his tea down and watched Tommy, leaning forward. “I have my own family to take care of, don’t I? My men… these men who work for me, are my family because God knows I don’t have anyone else. I’m just doing what is best for them, right.”</p><p>“Well, Alfie, I guess this is goodbye then, isn’t it?” He put his trousers on and slipped his gun holster back on over his shoulder.</p><p>Alfie stood up now and walked in front of him, shaking his head. “What is it you want me to do then, Tom? Do you want me to fuckin’… kill your brother, huh? What do you want from me exactly, mate?”</p><p>Tommy was so determined to leave, and so hurt by Alfie’s deal that he had already shaken on, angry at himself, that he just wanted to get out of there.</p><p>“I don’t want anything from you, Alfie… just your love, eh? That’s all I wanted.”</p><p>Alfie threw his arms up in the air. “You fuckin’ have it, Tommy! You have my love already! You have my fuckin’ heart, and my love… what else is there that comes with this territory, eh?”</p><p>“How about some fucking consideration for myself and my family? What about standing up for what’s right, telling them what your lad did was wrong, and then calling us even instead of fucking making me owe you money that I’ll never see?” Tommy turned on him.</p><p>Alfie looked taken back now and was left speechless.</p><p>Tommy grabbed his jacket and walked out of the house into the rain, grateful that no one could see his tears that had escaped his eyes now and were rolling freely down his cheeks. He walked over to one of the boats that one of Alfie’s boatmen were piloting and hopped on, telling him to head towards Birmingham.</p><p>He didn’t care about how long it would take to get back home. He just wanted to see Ada and the rest of his family again.</p><p>He was too upset at Alfie, upset that he didn’t understand what love actually meant. Upset that he didn’t understand what came with the territory of loving someone else, upset that Alfie couldn’t give him a break. He could’ve given him half of that six thousand pounds, at the very least, given him <em>something</em> to help Tommy stay afloat.</p><p>Alfie had been the only reason why his business was starting to grow, and just like that, it was going to be taken away again.</p><p>He buried himself below deck with just his thoughts and his tears to keep him company.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this was kinda a filler chapter, but don't worry, things will get more exciting soon!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>.    .    .</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Thomas Shelby was relieved when he stepped foot in his house the next day, despite the fact it was still raining heavily. He closed the door and headed upstairs towards his room and started cutting up the Tokyo that a friend had introduced him to not long after the war.</p><p>He had several vials of it, and right now, he felt like it would be the only thing that could touch his pain he was feeling. He didn’t want to think about Alfie, or their deal, or how sick he felt when he made that fucking deal. He didn’t want to think about how angry he was at Finn, so he snorted up two consecutive lines of snow up his nose before he sniffed and then wiped the table of the excess powder. </p><p>He rubbed his face and took a deep breath, listening to the rain hit the windows from outside. He hated himself for already missing the Camden man. He was supposed to hate him, but instead, he already missed his rough hands and his soft lips.</p><p>“Tommy?”</p><p>He looked up now and tried to pull himself together when he saw Ada. “Yes, all right, Ada?”</p><p>She nodded and searched his face. “How long have you been back?”</p><p>“I came back a few minutes ago,” he answered, sniffing again, and clearing his throat. “Is Finn back?” He wasn’t about to go talk to him anytime soon, but he just needed to know that his brother was at least safe back home and hadn’t been stopped by any of Alfie’s men looking to seek out their revenge.</p><p>She nodded and sighed softly, sitting down in the chair opposite of him. “He came back a little while ago as well. He didn’t seem too happy. What happened in Camden, Tommy?”</p><p> It was his turn to sigh now. He leaned back in his chair, feeling tired. “He cut one of Alfie’s boys for making fun of me. Now Alfie wants compensation the next time he gives us rum to sell in six more months. We’ll have to hope that the business will be stable by that time.”</p><p>She looked at her brother with her mouth agape. “You’re lucky that he came back alive at all, Tom! Alfie could’ve had him killed.”</p><p>He could’ve, but he didn’t, and Tommy didn’t doubt that the only reason for it was that he felt something for Tommy, even if it wasn’t selflessness.</p><p>“Well, Finn’s fine, Ada.”</p><p>She looked at him with worry in her eyes. “And you? Are <em>you</em> okay, Tom?”</p><p>
  <em>Was he okay? Not especially.</em>
</p><p>“Yes, Ada. I’m fine. How everyone else, Arthur, John?” He didn’t want to ask about Aunt Polly, because they were on shaky ground at the moment, but he didn’t doubt that she was continuing to keep an eye on the business and finances.</p><p>Now she go very solemn and went quiet. She looked at him, chewing on her bottom lip nervously. “You should check in on him. H-He tried to hang himself yesterday.”</p><p>“Fuck,” Tommy swore, wishing he could smash everything in sight. Why couldn’t he go away for two days without something horrible happening. He stood up. “Is he home?”</p><p>Ada nodded and also stood up, putting her coat on. “I’ll follow you out.”</p><p>He was glad he rolled in the snow; he didn’t think he’d have the energy to deal with this catastrophe if he hadn’t. Tommy led them both outside and watched as Ada headed towards the Garrison before he knocked on Arthur’s door before he entered, not keen on waiting outside in the rain.</p><p>“Arthur?” He called out, letting himself inside before he closed the door. He heard the sound of a fire crackling and walked into the living area, and sure enough saw him sitting by it, looking somber. He walked over to him and moved the collar of his shirt.</p><p>He could see the rope marks from where he imagined Arthur had tried to hang himself. He felt a sick again, and felt upset that his brother couldn’t see how much he loved him, but he wasn’t in the mood to be angry.</p><p>He shook his head and sat down next to him and lit a cigarette. “Why b-brother?”</p><p>Arthur looked over at him, shame in his eyes. “Why do you think, Tom? It’s me fucking head, yeah? I can’t get anythin’ out of it since we came back. It’s all jammed right up inside there, and I can’t find a way to get it out.”</p><p>
  <em>You should try a gun next time, brother.</em>
</p><p>Words he didn’t say, nor did he want to give his brother ideas. “You need to start livin’ in the present, brother,” he decided on instead. “Stop livin’ in the p-p-past. We’re home now, Arthur. T-The war’s over, and we’re still alive.”</p><p>Arthur gave a nod and took a drink of his whiskey. “It’s torturin’ you too, Tom. I can hear it in your voice. You’re stumblin’ over your words worse now that we’re back home. Why can’t you talk properly, like the rest of us?”</p><p>He looked over at him now, taking another drag of his cigarette. “The drugs make me worse,” he admitted aloud.  “Me brain’s workin’ a mile a minute and can’t c-c-catch up to my tongue. It’s not the war makin’ me this w-way, brother. I’ve been this way for years. I’m sure you remember?”</p><p>“Ay, but it wasn’t this bad, Tommy, was it? It used to be once in a while, but now it seems like every other word you’re trippin’ yourself up.”</p><p>He didn’t want to talk about himself, not to Arthur, not to anyone. He took another drag from his cigarette and stood up before he looked at the other man. “Next time you want that nonsense out of your head, play in the snow or go see Aunt Pol. She seems to be able to knock some sense into you, eh?”</p><p>Arthur tensed, but he nodded. “Right.”</p><p>Tommy knew he wasn’t being much help, but the truth was, he wasn’t sure what the right thing to say to him was. He had suicidal tendencies as well; he felt them crawling in the back of his head whenever something didn’t go right, and he couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.</p><p>He gave Arthur one last glance back before he opened the door. “I love you, brother. Don’t die on us when we’re so close to being successful, eh?”</p><p>“I won’t, Tom,” Arthur promised from the other room in a gruff voice.</p><p>Tommy walked out, back into the rain and then decided to check on Finn, to make sure he was still here at home and hadn’t decided to go back to Camden again.</p><p>He knocked on the door and then heard it open. He walked inside and closed the door behind him before coming face to face with his little brother. He could see the disappointment on Finn’s face, and he could tell it was directed towards Tommy.</p><p>“Well lets it have it, then, Finn, eh? What is it you want to say to me?”</p><p>Finn looked conflicted, like he wanted to yell at Tommy, but also was still in the right mind to remember that he was the one in charge and he needed to listen to him.</p><p>“I… I just don’t like how you let others make you a joke! Why don’t you set an example to everyone else and cut them?”</p><p>Tommy took another drag and exhaled, walking inside deeper and sat down on the couch, looking over at Finn who followed him in. “Because brother, that’s not what we’re about. If I c-c-cut every person who has taken the piss out of me for this speech issue, there’d be no one alive right now. We’re risin’ up, Finn… and pretty soon no one’s going to dare to take the piss out of any of us because of who we are.”</p><p>“What about Alfie, Tom? We’re supposed to be doin’ business with him but instead, you’re at his house for a few days a week! That’s not how we usually conduct business, is it?”</p><p>Tommy exhaled and looked at Finn, wondering if he could actually be trusted. Right now, he was acting childish and petty. He didn’t want to tell him too much.</p><p>“Alfie’s never made fun. We’ve been able to conduct business from his house, and up until yesterday, it’s been successful,” he leaned forward now. “You set us back to square one with him, Finn. Now he’s not going to give us the six thousand pounds for the next shipment, because of what you did to his man.”</p><p>Finn scowled and scoffed, shaking his head as he ran his hand through his hair. “He fuckin’ deserved it for runnin’ his mouth. I don’t regret what I did, Tom.”</p><p>“Look, brother,” he stood up and walked over to him. “I don’t need defendin’. I don’t need you protectin’ my honor or dignity anymore, Finn. I can handle myself, and if they make fun of me behind me back, then fucking let them, eh? Next time it happens, don’t fuckin’ touch them. Don’t fuckin’ cut them. Don’t do anything. Am I clear, Finn?”</p><p>Finn’s scowl disappeared and embarrassment appeared on his brother’s face from being scolded. “I just wish you wouldn’t scold me like I was a child.”</p><p>Tommy looked at him. “You behave like a child, I’ll treat you like one. Next time don’t act out and I’ll treat you like an adult,” he watched Finn nod now in understanding, and sighed, feeling slightly bad. “I appreciate that you wanted to help, but it only hurt our business relationship with Alfie, and like it or not, we need him right now. We need to be on good terms with him.”</p><p>Finn nodded again, and his anger and frustrated seemed to fade away. “All right, Tom.”</p><p>Tommy gently squeezed his brother’s shoulder now and nodded as well. “Good. Then we have an understanding. You’ll see when you’re older, Finn. It’s much better to have friends than enemies, and the enemies you make right now, will still be your enemies later when you take over this business.”</p><p>“What about Arthur and John? They’re next in line before me.”</p><p>“John doesn’t particularly like being in this business, he just likes the violence and the drugs and drink, and Arthur isn’t in his right mind. If John decides to have it skip him and go t-t-to Arthur, then you might have t-to help him,” Tommy stated, searching Finn’s eyes. “You might have t-to be the responsible one, so just keep that in mind the next time you feel like cuttin’ someone your age.”</p><p>Finn nodded and straightened his back, looking serious now. “I will, Tom. I promise.”</p><p>“Good man.” Tommy left him now, feeling better that he was able to change his brother’s mind about things. At least now he felt like he could trust him the next time they had to do a rum run to Camden. He didn’t have to worry about Finn almost killing one of Alfie’s men again.</p><p>He passed the Garrison and saw Ada was in there with Aunt Polly, but decided to let them have their drinks alone together instead of interrupting them. He didn’t know what to do with himself, so he decided to go back home.</p><p>He read for a while by the fire, but he was so antsy that he couldn’t focus on the words on the pages. He regretted doing that cocaine now.</p><p>He had too many energy and nowhere to go. Tommy thought about calling Alfie, but he was still feeling bitter about the business deal they had conducted, and he didn’t want to revisit it. He smoked some opium to relax him, turn his mind down a bit, and before he knew it, he had fallen asleep on the couch.</p><p>
  <strong>…………. …. ……</strong>
</p><p>He woke up with a start, hearing the screaming inside his head, smelling the damp earth again. He felt the familiar tightness in his chest, and the feeling like his lungs had been punctured.</p><p>He gasped for air, and pressed his palms into his eyes, trying to calm down. When he took them away, they were wet.</p><p>
  <em>He was crying. Fuck.</em>
</p><p>“Tommy?” Ada’s voice filled the room, but it sounded so far away to him. “Tommy! Are you all right? Hey, look at me…”</p><p>Tommy blinked several times, still gasping and feeling like his heart was going to explode inside his chest. He forced himself to look up, seeing his sister.</p><p>She turned to him and placed her hands on either side of his face. “Breathe… just breathe. You’re not in France anymore! You’re back home, in Small Heath, yeah? Take a deep breath, you’re all right, Tom. You’re safe.”</p><p>He nodded, taking her words in. He took a deep breath in even though it burned his lungs. He slowly let it out, and did this a few more times before he started to feel better. He began to feel like he could breathe again.</p><p>He placed his hands on her arms, needed to feel grounded again. She gently wrapped her arms around his neck, and he buried his face into her shoulder, breathing her in. It relaxed him again and he suddenly felt ridiculous.</p><p>“It’s all right, Tommy,” she whispered. “You’re safe.”</p><p>He nodded against her and then forced himself too move away from her, wiping his face from stray tears. He looked around and sighed. “What time is it, Ada?”</p><p>“Nearly eight, everyone else is still asleep, I think, but there’s people lining up for the betting shop. Aunt Pol isn’t here, I just checked. She’s the one who usually opens it up,” she explained.</p><p>“Right,” Tommy gave a nod. “Open it up. I’ll go wake Finn and John and tell them to head over there.”</p><p>She nodded and left him quickly. He took a quick bath, got changed into clean clothes, threw his jacket on, along with his hat, and then hurried towards Finn’s house. He didn’t go inside then. He pounded on the door and then waited until Finn opened the window to see who was there.</p><p>“Go down to the shop, Finn!” he ordered, not unkindly. “You need to help take bets today. And here,” he took Finn’s hat out of his jacket pocket and threw it up to him, watching him reach out to catch it.”</p><p>“I’ll be right down!”</p><p>Tommy didn’t wait for him to come down. He walked over to John’s house now and walked inside, knowing that he never locked his door. He knew whoever did dare to walk into his house uninvited would most likely get a bullet to the chest.</p><p>Sure enough, he was met face to face with a rifle aimed at him. He put his hands in the air and looked at John who swore and put the rifle down.</p><p>“We’re at home, John. Who the hell are you expectin’?”</p><p>Esme came down the stairs a few moments later, her hair disheveled. She glanced over at them and then walked into the kitchen to give them privacy.</p><p>“Christ, Tom, I don’t fucking know. I half expect it to be our new business partners. How’s that going, by the way?”</p><p>Tommy shrugged. “It’s going as well as it’s going to, brother. Get dressed, eh? The betting shop’s open and no one’s there to take bets.”</p><p>“Where’s Aunt Pol?” He started to get changed, his clothes lay strewn across the floor.</p><p>“Dunno. Ada and Finn are there right now, but I want you to be there too. I have to talk to Esme about something.”</p><p>“Oh, all right. See you later, then.” John put his shoes on and fixed his hair with his hands before hurrying out of the house and walked quickly down the street towards the shop.</p><p>Tommy walked over to her now, but made sure to leave distance between them, not wanting her to get the wrong idea. She was in the process of making tea when she looked up at him.</p><p>“I need you to go to the Lees and see if they have any plans to go to the races in six months. If they are, I’d like you to bring Johnny Dogs back with you, on my orders. Can you do that for me, Esme?”</p><p>She looked at him curiously. “Of course I can, Thomas. Why not just call him up yourself, though and ask? It’ll be a week before I even arrive where they are unless you have a reason for me not to be around?”</p><p>There was suspicion in her voice, and he couldn’t blame her. She was right to be suspicious.</p><p>“There’s no reason, Esme,” he lied too easily. “I can’t get out there myself, and he won’t give you a hard time if you ask him. He’s your kin.”</p><p>“Very well,” Esme nodded. Even if she did suspect Tommy of ulterior motives, she wouldn’t let on. “I’ll start packing up for the trip there. Does John know about this, then?”</p><p>“Not yet,” Tommy admitted. “But I’ll let him know when I go to the shop.”</p><p>She nodded and seemed satisfied, pouring the hot water into the cup, and looked at him. “Would you like a cup, Tommy?”</p><p>“No, thank you, Esme. I should head over to there to make sure everything’s going all right. Do you know where Pol went, though?” He asked, before he was about to walk out.</p><p>She shook her head. “No idea.”</p><p>He searched her face, but it didn’t look like she was lying about not knowing, so he let it go. “If she does happen to tell you, let me know, eh?” She nodded quickly and took her tea upstairs. He started out of her house and headed quickly towards the shop.</p><p>It was busy with crowds of men placing their bets, and John and Finn looked hard at work. He wondered where Arthur was, but his guess was that he was probably still asleep. He walked deeper inside, and headed over to Ada who was manning the phones of people who were placing bets that way.</p><p>He leaned over, looking at the books. It was looking good so far.</p><p>She hung up and smiled up at him. “Everything’s controlled here, I think. Do you think you could take over for me, Tommy?”</p><p>“No, Ada. This is Aunt Pol’s job, and she’s not here to do it. Let me take a guess – you want to go out with Freddie again?”</p><p>“It’s just the pictures,” she nearly pouted.</p><p>Tommy smirked. “Ay, and tomorrow it’ll just be his place, and the under the bridge. I don’t pay you so you can skip your obligations here to go out with Freddie Thorne.”</p><p>She looked disappointed and sighed, but answered the phone again when it rang. He didn’t think he was being too hard on her; he knew that she deserved to be happy too, but he could tell that she already was happy. It wasn’t as if she never got time to see Freddie.</p><p>All he wanted was to be able to count on her when he needed her, and she didn’t let him down.</p><p>“Tommy!”</p><p>He looked around and saw Finn calling him, seemingly looking to be having trouble with someone. He walked over to them both and cleared his throat.</p><p>“Yes, what’s the problem here?”</p><p>The man, who looked to be older pointed at Finn. “He’s trying to cheat me out of winnings.”</p><p>Tommy looked over at Finn pointedly, searching his face. “Finn, is this true?” Finn looked surprised and taken back by the accusation, and in that instant, Thomas Shelby could tell that this man was just trying to get a young man in trouble. “Sorry, but if you’re going to accuse my brother of cheating you, when I don’t believe that to be the case at all, then you’ll have to face up to myself. Now, I want you to tell me to my face, true and clear, that my brother here is cheating you out of winnings.”</p><p>The other man seemed to lose steam now and began to back down, seeing Tommy’s tenseness. “M-Maybe I could be mistaken…”</p><p>Tommy nodded. “That’s right, you are mistaken. The next time you try to get my brother Finn here into trouble, you’ll be finding yourself in the cut, so think twice about it, eh?”</p><p>He nodded. “Right, sorry. My apologies, Mr. Shelby.”</p><p>Tommy watched him leave and looked at Finn, who looked embarrassed. “Don’t worry, brother. It’s just older folks who think they can take advantage of you because you’re younger than the rest of us. Don’t bother with them. Just tell them to piss off next time.”</p><p>Finn nodded and then went back to collecting bets and offering winnings from the last time.</p><p>Tommy looked around at the chaos of it all. He was glad to be back home, but he couldn’t shake the fact that he was away from Alfie; at least when they had arguments, he wasn’t bored. Angry, frustrated but never bored.</p><p>He was bored here.</p><p>He really was a glutton for punishment, wanting to go back to Camden again. He forced himself to focus on the task at hand, though, and tried not to let his mind trail off to Alfie more than once every hour or so.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. small confessions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>.    .    .</strong>
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</p><p>Tommy tried not to think about the last time he was here with Finn. He thought he was just going to be spending a nice day with Alfie, and the sex they had was one of the best times he’s ever had with another man.</p><p>Then Finn and Alfie both had to fuck up that trip for him; Finn when he cut Alfie’s man, and Alfie, when he decided the young man needed money or punitive damages, ergo, a large decrease in Thomas Shelby’s funds come six months.</p><p>He had to remember he was here because the Camden man was like a magnet that Tommy couldn’t get away from. He was here because being here was somehow better than being back at home, because at least Alfie understood him here. He didn’t make fun of the one weakness Tommy had, even though he could exploit it whenever he wanted to. It wasn’t that Alfie Solomons was an idiot. He was the complete opposite, in fact.</p><p>Even despite that fact that it was still raining, Tommy decided he still preferred to be here. He headed towards the bakery after stepping out of the car and looked around but didn’t see anyone around. He felt sick when he saw the dried blood on the floor though when he was here last week.</p><p>He had a few days before Johnny Dogs and Esme would get back to Small Heath, so he decided to come back to Camden, because he hadn’t gotten enough madness the last time he was here.</p><p>
  <em>He had to be mad just to be here, despite everything that had happened last time.</em>
</p><p>At least this time, he knew better than to bring Finn.</p><p>Not seeing anyone else in the bakery, he started towards Alfie’s house, wondering if him and his men took off together somewhere to avoid war with the Italians, or maybe there were about to initiate one.</p><p>He walked in the mud, ignoring the rain that was hitting him as he walked towards Alfie’s place, and then proceeded to knock on his door.</p><p>A few moments later, the door opened, and Tommy was met with a surprised Alfie. “Tom, what are you doin’ here? Come inside, get out of the rain, mate.”</p><p>Tommy hurried inside and shut the door behind him before he shrugged off his coat and lay in down. “I tried looking for you at the bakery, but no one was there.”</p><p>“Yeah, because it’s the fuckin’ Sabbath, mate. We don’t work on Fridays or Saturdays, right. Would you like anything to drink?”</p><p>Tommy fought the urge to ask for some whiskey or gin. “I’ll take some t-tea, Alfie.” He hadn’t even had one cigarette today, but he had done some cocaine earlier before arriving, so the words were moving faster than his mouth again.”</p><p>“I think I’ll have some as well,” Alfie thought aloud as he headed into the kitchen and lit the fire underneath the kettle. “Rainin’ like bloody cats and dogs out there, isn’t it, Tom?”</p><p>Thomas Shelby moved deeper into the house and settled himself in a chair in the kitchen. He wouldn’t admit it to Alfie, but he secretly enjoyed watching the rain falling outside the kitchen window, hearing it make dull <em>tap tap taps</em> against the glass.</p><p>Tommy’s leg was jumping up and down seemingly involuntary under the table and he was fidgety. “You seem surprised to see me, Alfie.”</p><p>The other man shrugged and turned to him. “Well, mate, to be honest, I am a bit surprised since the last time you was here, your brother Finn used a fuckin’ razor on one of my young man. It also hasn’t been six months yet, so I’m surprised you’ve decided to come here willingly since that unfortunate incident, right,” he admitted.</p><p>Tommy met his eyes and sighed. “I just… c-c-couldn’t stay away.”</p><p>Alfie smiled to himself and then rubbed the back of his neck a bit nervously. “I’m sorry that our business arrangement wasn’t up to your expectations, mate,” he apologized. “I know it isn’t the way you wanted it to be, and I truly am sorry that it is the way it has to be, but you <em>do </em>understand that I have a business to run as well, right? I don’t want to go under just as much as you don’t.”</p><p>Tommy didn’t want to tell Alfie how he wasn’t in danger of losing anything. He had been around longer, he had more allies and probably enemies than he could count on one hand, but Alfie Solomons had money.</p><p>“I understand, Alfie,” Tommy gave a nod and ran a hand over his face. “I want to put our business to the side, for the duration of my visit. I just… need t-t-to be with you.”</p><p>The other man searched his face almost curiously, but he nodded. “I’d like to enjoy your company as well, sweetie.”</p><p>Thomas Shelby was taken back by the pet name. It didn’t sound condescending, but it also didn’t sound especially romantic either; there was a strange tone somewhere in the middle, but it made butterflies flare up inside his chest with warmth and comfort, and a strange protectiveness he hadn’t felt before.</p><p>Alfie poured hot water into two teacups and placed one on a saucer in front of Tommy before sitting down with his own. He stretched out his legs, placing them gently against the Birmingham man’s legs, almost affectionately.</p><p>Both men heard the cup clink repeatedly against the saucer as Tommy picked it up to take a sip, his own hand trembling slightly before he set it back down.</p><p>Alfie shook his head disapprovingly, appearing to have enough knowledge to know why the other man’s hand was trembling. “You silly boy, you’ve been rollin’ in fuckin’ snow, haven’t yeh?”</p><p>Tommy’s brows knitted in confusion at first, but then he sighed, shaking his head. “I’m f-f-fine, Alfie.”</p><p>“Yeah, I can tell you’re fine. Want to know why?” Alfie was gearing up for an argument.</p><p>Thomas Shelby shook his head before he took another shaky sip. “Not really.”</p><p>The other man ignored him. “I can fuckin’ tell because you don’t stutter this much unless you’re smokin’ or fuckin’ drinkin, but you haven’t done either as far as I know, so it must be snow, right. Tell me, Tom, don’t you dream of bein’ able to speak properly?”</p><p>Tommy was grinding his teeth a bit, whether it was the cocaine or frustration he was feeling, he couldn’t tell. “I’d like t-to be able t-to speak normally, yes.”</p><p>“Well I can tell you how to do that, can’t I? You need to stay away from the fuckin’ snow and drink and fags, right. Once you put your vices in a drawer and shut them away, that’s when you’ll be able to talk like the rest of us,” he explained simply.</p><p>As much as he was frustrated, Tommy knew that Alfie was right. It hadn’t gone without his notice how less he stammered and tripped over his words when he didn’t drink as much, or smoke as much, or sniff cocaine as much, but he just wasn’t ready to put away those vices quite yet.</p><p>“Sometimes, it doesn’t seem t-to matter, Alfie,” Tommy shrugged, taking another drink of tea. “Even when I’m not d-d-doing any of those things, I’m still this way.”</p><p>Alfie gave a nod. “I’ve noticed that as well, with my sister, Tom. She seemed to have been born that way, right…  she would stumble over your words when she was feelin’ especially stressed about things. Are you stressed about anythin’ in particular when you don’t smoke or drink or sniff, mate?”</p><p>“Always, Alfie,” Tommy nodded and cleared his throat. “I’ve got family to take care of, enemies to watch out for,”</p><p>Alfie gave a knowing nod and then a tension appeared to linger in the room between them. He was looking a mixture of angry and fearful that Tommy realized he could relate to himself.</p><p>“Is there anything I c-c-can do to help your Italian troubles, Alfie?” He asked now.</p><p>Alfie grumbled now. “Yeah!” He suddenly shouted with a humorless chuckle. “You and your lot can fuckin’ kill all of them!” There was an odd desperation in his voice that Tom hadn’t heard before, and it made him feel ill. “I’m fuckin’ tired of my men getting hurt, Tom! I’m tired of havin’ to watch my back every time I step out of my house or the bakery. It’d be fuckin’ nice to be able to walk around my own place.”</p><p>Tommy gave a nod of understanding and wet his lips. The smart thing would be to stay out of the business Alfie had with the Italians, with Sabini, of course it would be smart, but Tommy wasn’t just thinking about how to help Alfie, he was thinking of how to help himself and Shelby Company Limited.</p><p>He felt guilty, but his intentions were two-fold. “I’d like t-to help you with your problems with Sabini,” he stated, straightening up in his chair.</p><p>Alfie searched Tommy’s eyes and then shook his head in disbelief. “I thought we weren’t going to fuckin’ talk about business, mate.”</p><p>“I know, and we won’t after this conversation,” he promised. “Just tell me you want me help, and we’ll talk about it another time I’m here, or the next time you’re in Birmingham.”</p><p>A dry laugh from Alfie now. “Mate, I’m never setting foot in fuckin’ Birmingham.”</p><p>“Fine, then the next time I’m here in Camden. So, Alfie, do you want me help or no?” He finished his tea, and with a shaky hand, fought the urge to light up a cigarette.</p><p>Alfie was quiet for a long time, thinking, glancing out the window at the rain thoughtfully. Tommy sat there patiently, despite his bouncing leg. The other man shook his head now. “No, as much as I do appreciate your offer of help, Thomas, this is business I must take care of myself, right. Now can we please fuckin’ stop talkin’ about business?”</p><p>“Sure, Alfie,” Tommy said with finality before he leaned across the table, with Alfie meeting him halfway eagerly, and he pressed his lips against Alfie’s.</p><p>They both stood up now and made their way to each other before Alfie suddenly pressed Tommy up against the cupboards and kissed him deeply, letting their tongues crash and collide. He dropped his holster gently on the counter as they started to undress each other, until they were both completely bare. They pushed each other roughly against the counter, wanting to touch every piece of skin that was visible.</p><p>Tommy shoved Alfie face first into the counter, but made sure his face didn’t actually come into contact with it. He ran his hands down to Alfie’s hips, and lined himself up with the other man before he slid into him slowly, letting the Camden man get used to Tommy’s girth before he proceeded further.</p><p>He felt Alfie tense at first, like he had their first time together.</p><p>“Breathe, Alfie,” Tommy ordered gently. “Just breathe.” He saw the other man’s back rise and fall, and then he felt his body invite Tommy in again.</p><p>He started to slowly thrust into him, hearing Alfie moan into the counter tops. He continued to caress Alfie’s scarred back with his fingers, tracing them lovingly.</p><p>
  <em>Battle wounds. </em>
</p><p>He had his own battle wounds that he was sure Alfie no doubt had seen as well.</p><p>“F-Fuck, Tom,” Alfie spoke breathlessly. “I want to feel you. Come on, Tom… please.”</p><p>Tommy thrusted a little faster now, harder, and let his hands trace down Alfie’s thighs. He groaned in pleasure as he made love to him, the positions feeling oddly satisfyingly opposite to their business positions.</p><p>For once, Thomas Shelby felt like he was the one in charge, and he didn’t mind at all. He tried not to laugh self-deprecatingly as he thought how Alfie was the one fucking him business wise, and now he was the one fucking Alfie.</p><p>He forced himself to stay in the moment, though, and focused on the pressure that he could feel building up inside of him. He forced Alfie’s legs further apart a bit more, wanting Alfie to feel what Tommy was feeling.</p><p>He could hear Alfie’s breathing become more and more erratic, until he suddenly grunted and let out a cry of ecstasy. It didn’t take long after that when Tommy felt himself explode into Alfie’s body, holding him tightly as he also groaned in pleasure.</p><p>“Alfie!”</p><p>The other man was gripping the counter tops tightly, white-knuckled, and the two men collapsed together on the floor as both their legs gave out from their earth shaking orgasm.</p><p>It was Alfie who was holding Tommy now loosely against him. They leaned on each other they attempted to catch their breath. Tommy felt like his heart was going to explode in his chest; it was racing so fast and hard against his ribcage.</p><p>“Thank you, Thomas,” Alfie smiled against him now. “All right, mate?”</p><p>Tommy nodded, still trying to catch his breath. “Y-Yes,” he breathed shakily. “I-I’m all right…” He couldn’t tell if it was just his stutter or the cocaine that was causing him to stammer now but he just felt his heart was going to beat out of his chest.</p><p>Alfie looked down at his friend now and he could see Tommy’s eyes closed. He held him closer to him now and now he could feel Alfie’s hot breath in his ear. It wasn’t as erotic as it was calming now, however. “You seem to be feelin’ the effects from the snow, mate. Just breathe, right. Just take slow breaths, Thomas.”</p><p>The Shelby man nodded obediently and took deep breaths through his nose before exhaling through his mouth, having felt like this before when he had done cocaine. He had noticed Arthur had felt similarly, and Tommy had come to the conclusion that the drug didn’t mix with their own demons from the war. It played wildly with Arthur’s erratic rage episodes, and it thrashed about with Tommy’s nightmares. Finn seemed all right on it, though, only getting into fights mostly after doing it, and it appeared to only give John extra energy when he did it.</p><p>He eventually calmed down, though, and when he was able to breathe normally again, he reached around and wrapped his arm around Alfie’s shoulder, just wanting to stay close to the other man.</p><p>“Come on, Tom. Let’s have a bath, shall we?”</p><p>Tommy nodded in agreement and the two of them filled water in the bathtub, lying in the tub opposite from each other as they washed their bodies in the warm water.</p><p>They were comfortably quiet for a long time, enjoying the lucidity of the water together. <em>This is what Tommy enjoyed the most</em>, he thought, <em>being here, in the bath, with Alfie. </em></p><p>Maybe it was the fact that neither man could hide anything in here. Everything seemed out in the open. They were equals in here, at least, showing their most vulnerable side to the other man.</p><p>Alfie’s knees were out of the water from his sheer height and Tommy reached out, playfully twirling the small hairs on his legs as he smirked to himself.</p><p>“So what deal did you back out of with Sabini?”</p><p>Alfie lifted his head from the back of the tub to look at Tommy. “What’s that, Tom?”</p><p>“You told me before that you’re at odds with Sabini because you backed out of a d-d-deal with him, and now he’s after you. What d-deal did you make with him, Alfie?” His voice was soft, but he wanted to know.</p><p>Alfie rubbed his face and sighed heavily before he looked across the bathtub at the other gangster. “Several months ago, well before you and I, right, one of my young men scrapped with one of his. It was just a fuckin’ fist fight, yeah, and my man broke his fuckin’ eye socket, right… Sabini didn’t take too kindly to that. He considers himself high class, fuckin’ king of the castle, and then he told me if I didn’t make a deal with him, then it would be all out war between us,”</p><p>Alfie paused, and Tommy searched his face, seeing dread. “What was the deal, Alfie?” He asked again, gently.</p><p>“He wanted me to fuckin’ shoot the young lad that gave his man the broken eye socket, right, plus he wanted a few crates of rum and money as penance for what happened. The rum and fuckin’ money was fine, right, Tom? I could part with those, but… this was a fuckin’ <em>kid</em>, mate. I couldn’t just shoot this lad who was doing what all men his age do! I just fuckin’ couldn’t, so… I told him no. I backed out of the deal, didn’ I? Now he’s taking his own pound of flesh.”</p><p>“That lad I saved at your b-bakery… is that the one who broke the other man’s eye?”</p><p>Alfie shook his head. “I have a lot of young lads here, Thomas.  He was a different one,” he answered.  “The one who did that, his name is Joseph Aberman, right, and I’ve been tryin’ to keep him out of sight in case Sabini’s men come around knockin’ and askin’ for his head on a silver platter.”</p><p>Tommy nodded now in understanding, but something didn’t quite add up. “Why is this lad so important to you, Alfie?”</p><p>The Camden man scrunched his face up. <em>He was hiding something.</em></p><p>“What are you talkin’ about, Tom? He’s one of my men, and as such, I consider them as good as fuckin’ family, right.  Wouldn’ you protect your men if they got into trouble?”</p><p>Tommy continued to caress Alfie’s leg, thinking. He searched his face. “I would, and I have, Alfie. It also depends on the severity of the incident though as well. If t-t-they’re not my blood kin, then I consider lettin’ them be punished by the red right hand. So is this young man a p-part of your bakery business, or is he kin?”</p><p>Alfie looked a bit uneasy now, shifting slightly in the bathtub. “Fine, all right? Joseph is one of my mate’s kin, right. He died in the war, and now he’s workin’ for me making the bread in the bakery.”</p><p>Tommy knew full well that bread was just another word for rum. “So why hide it from me, Alfie? Why not just t-tell me straight out?”</p><p>“I need to remain separate from them, Tom. He might be a son to me, right, but I need to always be above him professional-wise. If anyone else knew what he was to me, then they could fuckin’ use that to their selfish means…”</p><p>Tommy put the pieces together now. “And you think I might do that,” he searched Alfie’s eyes, seeing the validity of his hypothesis in them. “I’m not going t-t-to fucking use kids if we ever went to war. I don’t use them as pawns, Alfie. Like you, I use them as the soldiers I know they are.”</p><p>Alfie Solomons appeared to relax slightly now, nodding. “Good to know you’re not the monster I’ve heard you are.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m a monster, Alfie, make no mistake about that,” Tommy spoke solemnly. “B-But I love you, and I never want to be a monster to you or your men, if I don’t have to be.”</p><p>Tommy didn’t want to mention the money that Alfie was still intending on keeping from him later on, because the truth was, he didn’t want to fight about it, and he had no reason to right now. He wasn’t so thick though as to think he wouldn’t need to bring it up again later on, if it became too much of an issue. He <em>did</em> love Alfie, like he loved Lizzie, but he also knew that despite love, his family came first.</p><p>That included Shelby Company Limited since there was no Shelby Company without them.</p><p>For now, though, he relaxed, and decided to just let himself enjoy these moments with Alfie. These would be the moments he looked back on later when the two of them might be at each other’s throats.</p><p>“You know this is too perfect to last, right, Thomas?” Alfie whispered to him sadly. “This happiness can’t last forever.”</p><p>Tommy looked across the tub at him and gave him a small smile. “T-Then we should enjoy it while it lasts, eh?”</p><p>Alfie gave a nod and placed his hand on Tommy’s leg now, caressing it under the water. “I never thought I’d be doing this with another bloke, mate, I’ll be honest.”</p><p>“How does it feel?”</p><p>Alfie narrowed his eyes in thought. “Not all that much different from doing it with a woman,” he admitted. “It’s really nice. I might regret saying this later, right, but I’m fuckin’ glad it was you, Tom… being with you, makin’ love to you, taking baths with you… all of it. I even look forward to havin’ fuckin’ tea with you. It’s never happened to me before.”</p><p>Tommy grinned now before he let it fall and exhaled contently. “T-Tell me about what your girlfriend was like, that you had before.”</p><p>Alfie’s eyes became grim, but he continued to run his fingers over Tommy’s ankle softly. “She was gorgeous, Tom. She was tall and fuckin’ beautiful. She was intelligent, right, and I’m pretty sure she might have actually loved me. I loved her, more than myself, more than my men, but… not more than the business, right, because I was still just startin’ off.”</p><p>“It became a problem for her,” Tommy guessed.</p><p>Alfie gave a soft nod. “And for me, as a result. We was so fuckin’ poor, Tom. We needed money. I wanted to show I could provide for her. It got to the point that some days we made love all day, and then more often than not, right, we fought like cats and dogs. She left, said that she loved me still, but I couldn’t give her what she needed. I let her go, because… what the fuck else was I supposed to do, Tom? Beggin’ on my knees wasn’t me, it isn’t who I am, so… I told her I understood, and I let her fuckin’ go.”</p><p>Tommy nodded, listening to him. “What was her name?”</p><p>“Rebekah,” Alfie smiled to himself, perhaps remembering her face now. “I’ve gotten letters from her once in a while, but… she doesn’t give anything away, you know?”</p><p>“Do you wish y-you still had her?” Tommy wasn’t sure where this jealousy was coming from, but suddenly, he was feeling like <em>less.</em></p><p>Alfie seemed to sense this as well because he leaned across the bath, meeting Tommy halfway and kissed his lips. “I miss her, I can’t lie, Thomas, but I love you, and I’m glad we’re together right now,”</p><p>It wasn’t a definitive answer, but Tommy didn’t want to press him.</p><p>“Do you have anyone back home?”</p><p>He remembered now how Alfie had told him how he didn’t care what he did back in Birmingham, just as long as Tommy was his in Camden. “Her name is Lizzie. We’ve been… together since I c-came back. Some nights she’s the one who stops t-the nightmares and stops me heart from breakin’.”</p><p>“Do you love her like me, Thomas?” There was no pain or jealously laced in his voice, though. Merely curiosity, because Alfie always just wanted to <em>know</em> more than he already did, in every situation.</p><p>Tommy felt conflicted. “I love you and her in different ways, Alfie… not more or less, it’s just… different, in a way I can’t explain.”</p><p>The other man nodded, accepting this answer before moving on. “Are we the only ones you know, then, Tom? I mean… I know it’s probably kept low-key and all, mate, but… you know, our… kind? Do you know anyone else who are like us?”</p><p>They both knew they couldn’t use the word homosexual, since they both loved women as well as each other. They weren’t sure what the proper term was, perhaps it hadn’t even been created yet.</p><p>“There’s a gent I know back home, his name is James. He lives with m-my sister as roommates, and he’s not exactly l-l-like us, but he does have a fondness more towards men. He’s a nice lad,” Tommy explained.</p><p>He had been out of the house whenever Tommy had visited Ada, that it made him almost forget that James lived there at all. It had been awhile since they had properly talked.</p><p>“Your sister, Ada, she’s all right with all that, then?”</p><p>Tommy gave a nod. “She is,” he smirked. “She d-doesn’t necessarily know about me, though. I haven’t told her anything about us.”</p><p>“Do you plan to?” Alfie searched his face.</p><p>“Do you want me t-t-to, Alfie?” He asked him curiously. When he saw him shrug, Tommy shrugged as well. “Then I won’t. I don’t want her to be tellin’ anyone else back home about me. I’m pretty sure not all my brothers will take it as well as she has.”</p><p> They were quiet again, and then Alfie cleared his throat again to speak. “I hope you realize that… the sex isn’t a part of our rum deal, because of what I’ve told you back at the hotel before? I really do love you, Tom, and… I just want you to know, right, that our lovemaking is the by product from that, not a business deal to me or anythin’.”</p><p>It had only been a passing thought in the back of Thomas Shelby’s mind, but he was glad now that it was being addressed. He looked over at the other man. “I know, Alfie. We’re fucking because I want to, not because we have to.”</p><p>Alfie nodded and gave him a loving smirk, if there even was such a thing; it was the only way Tommy could describe the look being given to him now.</p><p>“How long are you in town for again, Tom?”</p><p>Tommy thought about how he’d have to be back home by the end of the week. He’d have to leave in three days in order to make it back home in time. “A few days. Do you mind if I stay here with you, instead of the hotel?”</p><p>“Not at all, sweetie.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. business decisions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>.    .    .</strong>
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</p><p>Thomas Shelby didn’t get any sleep last night; he had stayed awake all night thinking of ways to help Alfie with his Sabini problem.</p><p>He didn’t want any more of his men to get hurt, and the thought of Sabini’s men hurting Alfie made him feel sick. He couldn’t deal with that, so he felt like he had to do something, for Alfie’s sake. It was only seven in the morning when he got out of bed and got dressed, glancing over to see Alfie’s half naked body peering from under the sheets.</p><p>Tommy tried his best to be quiet, but his shoes made gentle <em>tap </em>sounds on the stairs as he grabbed his holster and hat, and then his jacket and made his way out. He hadn’t had to deal with the Italian gangster yet, but he knew where his territory was, so he began walking in the direction of it.</p><p>He knew Alfie wasn’t going to like that Tommy decided to interfere with his business, but Tommy felt whatever affected Alfie from here on out, also affected him as well.</p><p>It took about twenty-five minutes to walk there, but when he arrived, he knew there was no turning back now. He walked over to one of Sabini’s men who was standing guard outside, his hands up, and watched as he eyed him up and down.</p><p>Tommy took off his hat, which caused the man to tense, and then recognition touched his eyes. He motioned for Tommy to come over to him, and he proceeded to feel him for weapons. Tommy expected his gun to be taken away, but they didn’t take his hat. It made him wonder if they actually knew who he was at all.</p><p>At least he wouldn’t be stuttering too badly, not having had any cigarettes, alcohol, or cocaine yet today.</p><p>“You can go inside.”</p><p>Tommy walked in, and looked around. There was a boxing ring in the center of the room, and he saw Sabini sitting down, drinking something.</p><p>“Who the fuck do you think you are coming in here like you own the fucking place, Thomas Shelby?” Sabini asked him, a look of disgust on his face.</p><p>“Ah, so you <em>d-do</em> know me, then. Right, well… I come in peace, Mr. Sabini.”</p><p>Sabini narrowed his eyes at the stammer. “Peace… why do you fucking come at all? We have no business with each other, and nor do I care to have business with fucking gypsies!”</p><p>Tommy didn’t falter. “I came here because I’m aware that you have taken issue with Alfie Solomons, and I’m currently doing business with him.” He wasn’t going to tell him much more than that, and he didn’t want to say he came on Alfie’s behalf either, since that would just make the Camden man lose face with this man.</p><p>Sabini sipped what Tommy now saw was tea, staring up at the Shelby man. He didn’t say anything for a long time, and that unnerved him more than anything because he knew it was just to personally waste his time.</p><p>“Well that seems fitting… scum does business with scum,” Sabini sighed. “I suppose that means that his problems are yours, aren’t they?”</p><p>Tommy felt himself be pushed down on the floor of the ring suddenly, and he automatically started to fight against whoever was pinning him down; he couldn’t see them, but he felt a heavy knee holding him down on his back.</p><p>“Give Alfie a little message for me, gypsy scum,” Sabini suddenly kicked the side of his face. Tommy felt one of his molars give way now and fly across the floor. He coughed, tasting blood. “Tell him that the deal we had is still fucking on, and the only way there will be peace between any of us is if he does what I fucking wanted him to do! Now that you’re involved, maybe you can shoot that boy yourself and put him out of his misery!”</p><p>Tommy coughed to stop himself from swallowing any more blood.</p><p>“Let him up!” Sabini ordered to the man above Tommy. When he was able to stand, he did so quickly, and grabbed his hat that had fallen off his head. He thought about cutting Sabini, but he wouldn’t make it out of the place with the other man watching him so closely.</p><p>He spit out more blood at Sabini’s feet now and looked over at him, his blood racing with adrenaline. “Until it’s done, don’t be surprised if he finds out of my men at his little bakery to kill each and every boy!”</p><p>Tommy thought about spitting blood in his face, but once again, he knew he wouldn’t make it out of there. “I see that you c-care little for the life of young men, Mr. Sabini,” he declared, staring at the man in front of him. “I’m sure you have some around here somewhere, though. Don’t be surprised when they’re the ones who are digging your grave in the near future if you try to go through with your plan.”</p><p>Sabini gave a loud, humorless laugh. “You think I’m scared of a Jew and a fucking Gypo? Get out of here before I take your eyes now, along with more of your teeth!”</p><p>He thought about standing his ground, about not leaving, but he needed to make it back to Alfie’s place. Tommy knew he would be awake by now, and Alfie and he were basically the same person; he would know exactly where Tommy had gone, and he’d go there too.</p><p>He wasn’t afraid, but he had to at least put on a show to make it seem like it. Tommy sighed and then walked out of the building and grabbed his holster that the man outside had frisked from him earlier before he began heading back towards Alfie’s territory.</p><p>“Fuck!” He yelled into the empty streets, expecting no answer in return. Why did Alfie have to be so stubborn?</p><p>He knew that it was a delicate situation, but Tommy knew that if it a war lingered on the border of Small Heath, he’d kill one of his men to protect the rest of his family. He spit out more blood in the street as he walked inside Alfie’s house almost thirty minutes later.</p><p>“Where the fuck did you run of to then, Thomas?”</p><p>Tommy sighed heavily, seeing Alfie dressed already, looking ready to head out into the street, just as he had imagined. He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.” He turned away from him, but Alfie reached out and grabbed Tommy’s wrist.</p><p>“Tom,” he tried again. “You went to Sabini, didn’ you? To settle the deal…”</p><p>Tommy looked at him now, feeling like this was going to end in another argument. “He wanted me to t-tell you to kill that lad that messed with his, or his people are going to fuckin’ c-come down here and start shootin’ all of your young men, one by one.”</p><p>Alfie let go of Tommy now and ran a hand over his face. “You made things fuckin’ worse for me! I don’t need you to protect my honor, Tom! I can do that myself! That’s why you was nosin’ about with the deal last night in the bath, so you could figure out how to fix things for me, wasn’t you?”</p><p>Tommy shook his head. “No, it’s because I fucking c-cared about what was going on. Eh? I fucking cared about you, and that’s the truth. I went to Sabini because I know whatever happens to you, will fucking happen to us since we’re doing business together.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s all it is, just business! You’ve opened my eyes now… well the next time you fancy goin’ on an early morning fucking stroll back to London, then you can tell him to come fucking at me because I ain’t scared of him or his wop men!”</p><p>Tommy felt disgusted by the whole ordeal that he thought about just leaving Camden and going back home, but he didn’t want to leave things like this. He didn’t want to leave Alfie like this.</p><p>“It wasn’t all about business, Alfie,” he admitted. “Not entirely. I wanted to see for myself what Sabini was like, and I wanted to see if I could help fix things between the two of you, so no men have to die.”</p><p>Alfie looked both angry at himself, and concerned for Tommy, and in the end, concern won out. Alfie placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder and gently moved him into the loo before he wet a towel and started to clean up the blood that was on his face.</p><p>He sighed. “Sabini is a man of the worst fucking sort, Tom. You don’ want to be a part of this war, I’m tellin’ you now, mate. You need to just let the two of us handle this on our own.”</p><p>Tommy weakly waved Alfie’s hand away the next time it went up to his mouth to clean the blood. He leaned over and spit again into the sink, feeling the blood pooling in his mouth. It seemed better now, though after he did that.</p><p>Now he was just feeling pain. He moved around Alfie and opened the medicine cabinet, rummaging until he found a small bottle of morphine. He unscrewed the lid and drank a bit from it before he set it down on the sink, feeling the pain in his mouth begin to numb a bit a few moments later, making his head feeling somewhat foggy.</p><p>He looked back at Alfie. “I asked you last night how I c-could help you, Alfie, and you told me that I could have my people shoot them all down. Do you want my help or no?”</p><p>Alfie searched his eyes, his own seemingly conflicted, but he shook his head. “Nah, no thank you, Tom. I said that last night because… I was tired and I was just talkin’, you know. I appreciate your offer, but… just stay out of this, right. My men can handle it.”</p><p>Tommy gave a nod now. “All right, Alfie.” He was afraid that this was going to blow back on him and his own family; that once Sabini took out Alfie, then he’d come after Tommy next. Maybe this is how it had to be, though.</p><p>He knew that once Sabini kept to his word and started to kill off Alfie’s men soon, then he would finally give in and ask Tommy for help, and for better or worse, Thomas Shelby knew he would help him.</p><p>Alfie grabbed the drinking glass of the sink and filled it with water before he handed it to Tom. “All right, mate. Swish it ‘round your mouth and then spit into the sink, right. It’ll help keep it clean.”</p><p>Tom knew he meant the empty hole in his mouth where his molar used to be. He did as he was told, spitting the water back into the sink, seeing a faint trace of leftover blood before he lay the glass back on the sink again.</p><p>“So are you mad that I did what I did?”</p><p>Alfie wrapped his arms around Tommy’s shoulders and pulled him in gently. “I’m just glad that you came back to me in one piece, Thomas,” Alfie replied, gently patting his back, and holding him close. “Just don’t ever fuckin’ do that to me again, love.”</p><p>Tommy gave a nod against him, embracing him back. When they parted, he just realized he wanted to be close to him again. He leaned in and gently kissed Alfie’s mouth, despite the pain he was currently feeling.</p><p>Alfie kissed him back, but then placed a hand on Tommy’s face to gently stop him. “There will be time later for intimacies, mate. I need to go in and check on the lads at the bakery. Would you like to come with?”</p><p>“Do you want me to come with?” He asked casually.</p><p>Alfie looked up at him as he made his way to the living area and put his shoes on. “Of course I do, but only if you fuckin’ feel like comin’, right. So come or don’t, it’s your decision.”</p><p>Tommy nodded and then grabbed the cigarettes from the kitchen before stuffing them along with his lighter into his pocket and headed towards the door, straightening his jacket. Alfie grabbed his own coat and opened the door for the two of them before making his way out.</p><p>Tommy suddenly had a sickening feeling. “How well do you know your men, Alfie?”</p><p>Alfie glanced over at him as they walked. “Well enough, I would think, mate. Why are you askin’ me a question like that, Tom?”</p><p>“What if one of your men are actually Sabini’s men? Would you even notice?”</p><p>Alfie seemed to tense a bit at the thought, but he didn’t slow down. “Of course I would fuckin’ notice! It’s not difficult to tell an Italian from a Jewish man, Tom! It’s like askin’ you if you could tell your Gyp kin from an Italian or Jewish one.”</p><p>Tommy shrugged and gave a shake of his head, still walking with him, glancing around to watch their backs. “You wouldn’t necessarily be able to tell them apart if they were good at blending in. If they really want to hurt either of us, they’d find a way.”</p><p>“Fuckin’ hell, Tom. Always an optimist, aren’t you?” He walked inside his bakery and began walking through the crowds of his men who were making the rum, eyeing them warily. It was obvious by the look on his face that he actually didn’t know each and every man.</p><p>Tommy didn’t say anything, but started looking for signs that he thought might differentiate them. The men were keeping their eyes down, focusing on their individual tasks at hand, none of them looking at either Alfie or himself.</p><p>Alfie eventually led Tommy upstairs to his office and closed the door before he looked down at all of them. “Did any of them look Italian to you, Tom?”</p><p>Thomas Shelby sighed and took out a cigarette before he placed it between his lips and lit it. “We d-didn’t exactly stay long enough to find out, eh?” He took a drag and then scratched his brow before exhaling. He walked over to the window next to Alfie and looked around.</p><p>They were talking to each other now a bit more freely, but still doing their work. Then Tommy saw it; a young boy no older than maybe twenty-two looked up at them and eyed them before he looked back down again.</p><p>“That’s one,” Tommy declared. “He’s nervous. He looked up at us, probably fucking relieved we didn’t find him out downstairs.”</p><p>Alfie’s brows knitted now, conflict in his eyes. “Fuckin’ hell, Tom… he’s a kid.”</p><p>“Exactly,” Tommy nodded, turning to the side to look at Alfie. “You wouldn’t kill your mate’s son, so they sent someone as young as he is, to see if you could kill this one. They’re fucking playing games with you, Alfie. What are you going to do about it, eh?”</p><p>Alfie clenched his jaw and shook his head. “I have to fucking kill the boy, don’t I?” There was a hesitation in his voice.</p><p>Tommy thought for a moment, tried to think of a way where no kids would have to die. He thought back to his time with Sabini earlier; he had said he actually cared about his younger men, but evidently, he had lied. If he had truly cared about them, then he wouldn’t have knowingly sent one here to be a spy since Alfie would end up killing him eventually.</p><p>“Do you want me to do it, Alfie?” Tommy asked, taking another drag. He didn’t want to cut down any young man if he didn’t have to; he would try something else first before he did that.</p><p>Alfie sighed heavily, looking down at the young man working on the ground floor. He put a straighter face on and straightened his back. “Let’s get the young boy up here first, see what he can tell us about Sabini before we put him out of his misery.”</p><p>Tommy nodded in approval, figuring that would be the route Alfie would go first.</p><p>Alfie knocked on the window to where Ollie stood in the middle of the room, managing things, and then motioned for the young man to come up to his office. Ollie told something to another man and then he seemed to take over orders for him.</p><p>“Come in, Ollie, shut the door behind you, son,” he greeted him kindly. Ollie shut the door, not looked very perplexed. “Right, you know that one lad working on the floor for us, yeah, the young one… younger than yourself? Brown vest with the brown coat, right.”</p><p>Ollie gave a nod. “Yeah, that’d be David. What about him, boss?”</p><p>“David, right, can you bring him up here? We need to talk to him.”</p><p>Ollie gave a nod and hurried back out before he headed down to the floor. Tommy watched as he walked over to the man and pointed to the office. The man known as David looked a bit fearful as he walked up the stairs and then walked inside the office.</p><p>“David, lad, sit down, yeah. We have a few things we’d like to discuss with you.”</p><p>David was looking especially nervous now. He fidgeted in the chair once he sat down and looked between the two of them. He hadn’t been told how to act if the worst should happen, so he hadn’t expected to be found out. “Err, what is it? I have sort of a lot of work to get done on the floor…”</p><p>“It’s all right, David,” Tommy assured him. “This won’t take too long.”</p><p>Alfie glanced at him, and then back down at David before he sat down on the desk, crossing his arms in front of him. “You look like a smart lad, David,” he began coolly. “What did Sabini say to you before he sent you across town to my bakery?”</p><p>“I-I don’t know w-what you mean, sir, Mr. Solomons,” the young man stammered nervously.</p><p>A part of Tommy wished he could talk to David alone, but he also didn’t want to trample all over Alfie’s feet either. He had to keep reminding himself he was in Alfie’s territory, not his own. He didn’t expect the older man would take too kindly to him inserting himself into his business; it didn’t matter that they were fucking.</p><p>Alfie punched David down across his face, breaking his nose on impact. “I think you know exactly what I fuckin’ mean, lad! Now tell me what Sabini said to you, else, my business associate here will fuckin’ cut your eyes out! Do you know who he is?”</p><p>Tommy took another drag of his cigarette and looked over at Alfie, a part of him wishing that he hadn’t included him in his threats of violence. He knew he could do it if Alfie really wanted him to, but Tommy really did not want to cut down a young man in his prime if he didn’t have to.</p><p>David looked him up and down and then began to look even more nervous. “H-He’s a Peaky Blinder,” he answered. “Thomas Shelby. Everyone knows him.”</p><p>“That’s right, mate. They fuckin’ do. Now, let’s hope that you don’t have that pleasure to get to know him better, up close, and personal, right. Tell me what the fuck Sabini said to you!”</p><p>David was breathing a bit heavier, wiping the blood that was running down his face from his nose. He swallowed hard. “I-I wouldn’t k-know… please… just let me get back to work…”</p><p>“We’ll let you get back to work as soon as you tell us what you know, lad,” Alfie insisted.</p><p>
  <em>A lie. </em>
</p><p>“H-He told me to come here, spy on you,” he suddenly confessed, looking up at Alfie. “He t-told me… t-that you w-wouldn’t kill me because you’re weak, and you wouldn’t kill the younger ones. Sabini told me t-that if you want to have peace, then you need to kill the kid who got into the fight! That’s all I know… please…”</p><p>Tommy swallowed hard, closing his eyes for a few moments after taking in the confession. It would’ve been better if this kid had denied everything until the bitter end, at least that would’ve made Alfie think twice about whether or not it was him.</p><p>He opened his eyes and then took a last drag before he put the cigarette out. He saw Alfie take his gun out from the desk drawer and cock it before aiming it at the kid. Tommy watched him intently, the next few minutes determining their future relationship with each other.</p><p>Alfie was looking angry at this young lad, but Tommy knew that he wasn’t mad at him. He was mad at himself and at Sabini for putting him in this position in the first place. David had his eyes closed in anticipation, his chest heaving up and down with fear as he waited.</p><p>Alfie looked over at Tommy, who slowly shook his head. He looked back over at David now and sighed, putting his gun down. His hands were trembling, and he looked back over at Tommy again.</p><p>“Handle this for me, will you, Tom? I have other work that needs to be done. I don’t have fuckin’ time to mess about with this shit, right.” He didn’t wait for Tommy to answer him before he stormed out of his office and headed downstairs, leaving Thomas Shelby alone with David who was looking even more afraid now, given Tommy’s reputation.</p><p>Tommy was partially taken back by the situation and he knocked around in his head what exactly Alfie meant by ‘handle this’ for him. He thought about what he would do back home if the situation were similar, but he couldn’t apply it to this.</p><p>Now Alfie was fucking forcing him to make business decisions for him.</p><p>Tommy cleared his throat and walked over to where Alfie had been standing earlier in front of David. “We’re not going to c-cut you, David, but you realize that you can’t go back to Sabini? If you go back to him, he might just murder you himself because you’re disposable to him. He doesn’t c-care about you at all. If he cared about you, then he wouldn’t have sent you here, eh?”</p><p>David took this in and nodded quickly, apparently just grateful to have been kept alive. “S-So… what are my choices, then?”</p><p>Tommy took out another cigarette and lit it. “You can… take your chances with Sabini, trust that he won’t kill you, or… you can stay here, continue to work for Mr. Solomons, who will take you in, treat you like his other workers, and eventually maybe even become a part of the family here. What do you say, David?”</p><p>The young man mulled things around in his head for a few minutes before he looked up at Tommy. “I-I want to stay here. If I go back, Sabini will kill me. I don’t w-want to get killed, Mr. Shelby.”</p><p>He searched the young man’s eyes, seeing only truth and fear. He wasn’t about to turn tail back to Sabini’s. Tommy gave a nod. “Smart lad. Go on, now. You can get back to work again. You aren’t to tell any of the others what happened in here, though, eh?”</p><p>David nodded quickly again. “I won’t, I promise.”</p><p>“Good,” he took another drag. “What’s your surname, David?” He began to look nervous again. “We know you’re Italian, it’s all right. What is it?”</p><p>“Rossi,” he answered now. “My name’s David Rossi.”</p><p>Tommy nodded and looked out the window at Alfie as he talked to the one young lad Tommy had saved before, and looked back at David. “That’s not your last name anymore. You can keep the first, that’s fine, but you need to pick a different surname before the week is through,” he walked over to Alfie’s desk and rummaged through it until he found a sheet and then handed it to him. </p><p>“Fill this out, change your name, and then give it to Ollie. You have two days to become someone else. Go on, lad. You’re excused now. You c-can get on with your work again.”</p><p>He watched David nod and stand up, looking at Tommy with confusion before he folded the paper up and put it in his coat pocket. He left, heading back downstairs, and now Thomas Shelby really did feel like he was taking over Alfie’s business.</p><p>Would he had done that back at home? He wasn’t so sure.</p><p>He saw Alfie come back into the office about ten minutes later and look at him in disbelief. The look in his eyes told Tommy that he was about to get an earful, and that Alfie was not happy. He slammed the door before he closed the shades and turned on Tommy.</p><p>“I tell you to fuckin’ handle it, and you end up givin’ the lad a fuckin’ job?! That’s not what I meant, Tom!”</p><p>Tommy took another drag before he shook his head and looked back at Alfie. “He knew if he went back to Sabini, he would’ve been killed…”</p><p>“Which is what I expected you to fuckin’ do to <em>him</em>! Christ, Tommy…”</p><p>He sighed heavily, feeling his own anger bubbling up inside of him. “I’m not in the business of cutting fucking kids, Alfie! He’s terrified, eh? He doesn’t want to die. The viable option here was to let him keep workin’ for you. As long as he’s working for you, he’s not working for Sabini.”</p><p>“Oh, right,” Alfie shook his head. “What makes you think he’s not going to run to Sabini at any fucking point in time? He might decide the risk is worth it if he can give that bastard fucking intel on me! You should’ve cut him, like I wanted you to, right. Giving him a job isn’t going to change a fucking thing!”</p><p>Tommy clenched his own jaw now and moved over to him. “I did you a favor, Alfie. I handled the situation because you fucking couldn’t. I gave you an extra man that you didn’t have before. He’s not going back to Sabini. He’s young, and intel or not, he’s stayin’ right here. He’s going to change his name and blend in, keep his head down. I fucking helped you because you couldn’t handle the situation yourself!”</p><p>Alfie stormed over to him dangerously but then he stopped short, realization flickering in his eyes. They weren’t just business partners; they were <em>together.</em></p><p>They were in love.</p><p>Alfie was realizing he couldn’t handle this situation as business associates. “Get out, Tom. Go back to my house, or your house or wherever the fuck you want to go. We’ll talk later, right… or whenever I see you again.”</p><p>Tommy wanted to explain himself further, tell Alfie how else this would benefit him, but he could tell that the conversation was over, and he’d have to do it later. He walked out of the office and started down the stairs where Ollie was standing with a crossword in hand.</p><p>It was clear he had been watching the whole fucking thing.</p><p>“Can I ask you something, Mr. Shelby?” Ollie asked him as they walked towards the front door.</p><p>Tommy glanced over at him. “What is it, Ollie?”</p><p>“I can’t help but notice you’ve been coming here a lot, Camden town, I mean. You don’t have rum to take over for a few more months, but you’ve been hanging around here a lot. What are you to Alfie nowadays?”</p><p>Tommy took another drag of his cigarette. “Just business partners, Ollie. Perhaps even friends.” His answer seemed to quiet the young man.</p><p>He began walking back to Alfie’s house as it began to rain. He wasn’t ready to go home yet, not when he still wanted to explain why he had done what he had done. Alfie could at least give him that.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. agree or disagree</h2></a>
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</p><p>Tommy felt like an idiot for staying at Alfie’s, waiting on him. They had a row earlier about Tommy choosing to keep the boy around instead of having him killed, and Alfie hadn’t liked that decision that he had made.</p><p>He was leaning against the wall, waiting for the other man to return from the factory, but inside he was fighting the urge to jump on a boat and head back to Birmingham. He didn’t want to have this discussion with Alfie Solomons, at all, but he figured maybe it was best to get their thoughts out in the open, regardless.</p><p>He didn’t have to wait too much longer before he heard the door open and close again. He moved out of the kitchen and walked into the living room; if they were going to have another row, then at least he’d be warm.</p><p>Alfie walked into the living area where Tommy stood in front of the hearth and he walked over to him, looking at him expectantly, but his eyes looked conflicted.</p><p>“Well, let’s have it, then, eh?” Tommy urged, wanting this to get over and done with. He wasn’t sure what to expect; Alfie was either going to banish him back home, kill him, or threaten him.</p><p>Alfie sniffed and squared up to look at him. “Right, well… I suppose you shouldn’t have fuckin’ gave him paperwork to make him an employee, shouldn’t you have? That wasn’t your place, right, Tom.”</p><p>Tommy was prepared for this. He knew that Alfie would say something along those lines. “W-What is it that you would’ve preferred that I d-do with the boy, eh, Alfie? Did you want me to fucking cut him, right there in your office?”</p><p>Alfie sighed and clenched his jaw. “Preferably, yes, Tom.”</p><p>Tommy shook his head in disbelief. “If you wanted him dead so badly, why couldn’t <em>you </em>do it, Alfie? You had the gun in your hand, aimed right at his head. You couldn’t kill him, though. Why do you think that is?”</p><p>“I don’t fucking know, do I?” Alfie threw his arms up impatiently. “I… I fucking choked, right. I choked… I should’ve killed him, but… I couldn’t do it. That’s why I wanted <em>you</em> to! I told you to get rid of him!”</p><p>“No,” Tommy corrected, shaking his head, and pointing an accusatory finger at Alfie. “You told me to take care of it, Alfie. Well, I fucking took care of it. He’s Finn’s age, for fuck’s sake. I’m not going to kill him, because that’s what Sabini wants.”</p><p>“I don’t give a shit what Sabini fucking wants!” Alfie roared now, stepping threateningly towards Tommy, but then took a step back and sighed heavily, as if he remembered what the two of them were.</p><p>They weren’t just business partners anymore.</p><p>They were lovers.</p><p>They were in love.</p><p>Tommy didn’t move or flinch at Alfie’s outburst. He had expected that as well. He searched his face and saw frustration spread on it, but the Camden man wasn’t saying anything else, so Thomas Shelby took this chance to explain himself.</p><p>“That’s what he wants,” Tommy repeated again. “He wants you to k-kill that kid, to prove that you could do it in the first place. He wants revenge for what your man did to his in that fight. Sabini isn’t going to stop there, though. No… once you kill Mr. David Rossi, Sabini will make you k-kill your own man. It’s never to going to fucking stop,”</p><p>Alfie was listening intently, letting Tommy continue talking.</p><p>“You can use him, in your ranks. Let him live, and he can be valuable to you, Alfie.”</p><p>Alfie stroked his beard in thought. “Valuable, right… valuable how, exactly?”</p><p>“He’s going to fill out that employee sheet with a different name. He doesn’t want to go back to Sabini. He told me he wants to stay alive, and he wants to stay here. He has problems with his own. He’ll be loyal to you, Alfie. Give him work to do, he can spy on Sabini’s men for you without being noticed. He’s a smart lad. He’ll do what you tell him.”</p><p>Alfie nodded and ran his hand over his face. “I’m still quite upset at you, Tommy. I have too many other problems to think about right now though, don’t I? For example, I have Sabini’s men fucking shooting fire at mine, right. What am I supposed to do to stop this, Tom, go out there waving a white fucking flag?”</p><p>“Depends,” Tommy lit a cigarette, much to Alfie’s visible disapproval now. “D-Do you want peace, or do you want a war?”</p><p>Alfie rubbed the bridge of his nose exhaustedly and threw his hands up again. “I want peace, but I don’t want his foot on my fucking neck either. He barely even knew you and he knocked loose your teeth, didn’t he? He’s a fucking’ headache.”</p><p>Tommy thought for a moment. He knew what Alfie was asking without even being asked; he wanted the Peaky Blinders to step in and clear Sabini out of the territory, and wipe him off the face of the earth.</p><p>Now this was delicate territory for him. If he didn’t help Alfie do this, then he might lose Alfie as both a lover and a business associate. If he helped Alfie though, his own people back in Birmingham might not like that he’s helping out a man like Alfie. Worse yet, he knew that they wouldn’t come out of this injury free.</p><p>They would lose men.</p><p>There would be men lost on both sides of this war, but the real question here was: Were his men more disposable than Alfie’s?</p><p>“Tommy, say something.”</p><p>Tommy took a drag from his cigarette and exhaled. “I have to have a family meeting first, but… the decision will be on the table to help you.”</p><p>Alfie looked almost relieved but there was more conflict behind his eyes. “I could take Sabini on, right, with all my men, but… chances are decent I’ll lose more than half of them. They’re young and not so experienced yet.”</p><p>“Making excuses, Alfie?”</p><p>The other man looked at him and shook his head. “I’m just fuckin’ tellin’ it like it is, aren’t I? Sabini is an insane fuckin’ monster put on this earth by some hot blooded devil. He doesn’t deserve to live. I mean, look what he did to you, right? He knocked your teeth out of your skull!”</p><p>“Are you doing this for your men, or is this some revenge for what he d-did to me?” Tommy asked him neutrally, taking another drag.</p><p>Alfie thought for a moment and he shrugged shyly. “Why can’t it be both?”</p><p>Tommy felt his heart swell in his ribcage, and he gave a nod. He wouldn’t let Alfie Solomons know how touched he was by the gesture, because he still would need to talk to his kin about this. He took another drag from his fag and searched Alfie’s eyes.</p><p>“My people will help t-take out his men, but you need to be the one to kill Sabini,” he spoke firmly. It wasn’t that he was afraid of the Italian because Thomas Shelby wasn’t. It was simply a matter of putting things to rest with this gang.</p><p>This wasn’t Tommy’s war, even though he found himself finding in it. It was Alfie who was being targeted.</p><p>“Don’t worry, Tom. I’ll kill the wop. You and your kin just help my lads wipe out Sabini’s men.” Alfie reached over and took Tommy’s cigarette, and threw it into the fireplace.</p><p>Tommy wasn’t upset. He smirked, finding Alfie’s annoyance towards Tom for smoking amusing. He looked up at him now. “So are we all right then, Alfie?”</p><p>The other man gave a nod. “We’re fine, Tom. I suppose you’ll be heading back home now, though, won’t you?”</p><p>“I c-can leave tomorrow morning,” he smiled slightly, watching Alfie inch closer to him. “Did you wish to talk about business, or pleasure?”</p><p>Alfie gave a dry laugh and started to undo the buttons on his shirt. “Right, I think I’d prefer it if you put that pretty mouth of yours to better use, sweetheart.”</p><p>“Is that so?” Tommy chuckled now, smiling.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s so, Tom.”</p><p>He shook his head but shrugged his jacket off, laying it on the chair. He let Alfie take his shirt off, and then began to undo his shirt as well. The more clothes that came off, the more eager both of them became, passionately pressing their lips together in rough kisses.</p><p>Their breathing hitched when their bare bodies were finally touching, Tommy on his knees in front of Alfie in a submissive pose, probably the only time that Thomas Shelby would ever get on his knees for any man.</p><p>He looked up at Alfie who smirked down at him, love apparent in his eyes. Alfie tenderly ran his fingers through Tommy’s dark hair.</p><p>“Go on, Tom. Show me how well you can use that mouth of yours.”</p><p>
  <strong>………. … ……..</strong>
</p><p><strong><br/>
</strong>Tommy stepped off the boat by late afternoon the next day, and felt a heaviness in the pit of his stomach. He called the family meeting and explained the situation to them in the most neutral way he possibly could, and his family’s reactions were exactly what he had expected they would be.</p><p>Aunt Polly was vehemently opposed.</p><p>John was willing, as long as they would get something out of this.</p><p>Arthur was hesitant and unsure.</p><p>Esme, Ada, and Lizzie were against it as well.</p><p>Finn, Isiah, and Jeremiah agreed to helping Alfie.</p><p>And now they were all looking at Tommy, the majority of his family outnumbering him as they swung the vote in their favor. He needed to change their minds without giving himself away.</p><p>“Alfie Solomons is a business partner,” Tommy spoke evenly, looking at them. “We need him to continue to build up this business. He’s proven himself trustworthy, and reliable.”</p><p>“Why,” Aunt Pol cut in now. “Just because he hasn’t slit your throat yet? Thomas, you don’t even <em>know</em> this man! You’ve been over there drinking and fucking about, making business deals right and left with him, without our knowledge! This is the first time there’s been a vote in months.”</p><p>Tommy could feel a headache start to form already. Against his better judgement, he placed a cigarette between his lips and lit it. He carefully scratched his brow with the side of his hand and then looked at the older woman.</p><p>“Pol, I haven’t come back to call a family meeting because I didn’t fucking need to. I was able to make business decisions all on my own. I’m doing this for us,” he looked around at the rest of his kin. “For <em>all </em>of us. It’s in our own best interest to help him take out Sabini.” He took another drag.</p><p>“Why should we get involved in a gang war that shouldn’t even involve us in the first place?” Esme’s voice came next.</p><p>Tommy would be upset at her, angry even, if he didn’t understand where she was coming from. Her family was all about minding their own business and keeping their self to their self unless a personal affront came along. If nothing else, Thomas Shelby at least respected her.</p><p>He took another long drag, feeling the tightness start to build up in his throat again from his growing intake of cigarettes again. “We should become involved, because it does involve us, Esme. You’d be smart to think of t-this from a business point of view. If Sabini wipes Alfie and all his men in Camden out, we’re out future profit, as well as a business associate. He’s given us a lot of money to move his rum, and if he’s dead, then there’s no more rum to sell, and no more money to take.”</p><p>She had skepticism on her face but the hard look in her eyes softened a bit now. “Is there any way to do this without cutting down anyone?”</p><p>He couldn’t blame her for wanting to go about this without inciting unnecessary violence. “I’ve thought about this from different angles, and I don’t believe so. Sabini sure as hell won’t hesitate to p-put us down where we stand. We shouldn’t either.”</p><p>Worry touched her eyes, and in that moment, Tommy knew she was thinking of John, but she grew silent again. He looked around at the others before settling his eyes on Arthur.</p><p>He cleared his throat. “You’ve b-been awfully quiet, brother,” he nodded in his direction. “What do you think, eh?”</p><p>Arthur fidgeted a bit and grumbled incoherently before he looked at Tommy. “I think we should put it to a proper vote… but… I can see things from a business standpoint, Tom.”</p><p>He nodded. “Right, I just want to say something else before we vote on it again. Some of us may d-die, but this isn’t any d-different from our past skirmishes with other gangs. None of you know Alfie Solomons like I’ve gotten to know him. He’s intelligent, he was in the war as well, and he’s seen his fair share of blood and bullets, just like the rest of us. Even if no one else agrees to help him, I still plan to, so… take from that what you will. All right, let’s put it to a vote, then, yes?”</p><p>His family straightened up now.</p><p>“All in favor of helping Alfie Solomons and his men in Camden town take down Sabini and his men, raise your hands,” Thomas instructed.</p><p>John, Esme, Arthur, Ada, Lizzie, Finn, Isiah, and Jeremiah all raised their hands.</p><p>Tommy looked over at Polly who looked as if she were ready to storm out. “Pol, you, of all people, ought to see the advantage of helping him from a business standpoint. It’s good for business here. Don’t you want fancy dresses and good whiskey?”</p><p>The last part was said with an air of teasing, but it was clear she wasn’t in the mood.</p><p>“Fuck whiskey. Fuck fancy dresses! You’re willing to feed all these boys to the wolves for money! For some rum maker in London!”</p><p>He sighed, truly wanting this decision to be unanimous, but it was apparent that it wouldn’t be. “They’re not boys, Pol. They’re men, and they know that this is w-what we do. This is w-what we do, Pol! We’ve done this before, and we’ll do it until every g-g-gang in England is gone. This has to be done, and when we succeed, then we’ll come out of it even richer. Eventually we’ll get to a point where we won’t have to keep looking over our fucking shoulders all the time!”</p><p>Aunt Polly scoffed and shook her head. “That’ll be the fucking day.” She grabbed her coat and walked out of the room.</p><p>Tommy ran a hand over his face and rubbed his eyes before he looked around to see everyone looking at him expectantly, their hands still raised. “Majority rules. We’re going to war with Sabini. Jeremiah, gather up our b-best men and arm them.”</p><p>Jeremiah nodded agreeably and walked out of the betting shop.</p><p>“Finn, Isiah, make sure the cars are filled with petrol. We’ll be taking several with us to C-Camden,” he watched as his younger brother and Isiah both hurried out. “Arthur, help Jeremiah with the guns and ammunition. We might need to use a lot of it.”</p><p>“Aye, right, Tom.” He stood up and headed out, leaving just the other women in the room with him.</p><p>He watched Lizzie smoke quietly, examining his face cautiously, before looking at Ada who gave him an encouraging smile, and then glanced over at Esme, who stood up and walked over to him.</p><p>“So what are we supposed to do while you men are in Camden, sit here, taking bets and twiddling our thumbs?”</p><p>Tommy smirked gently. “I have no doubt you’ll find something to k-keep yourselves occupied while we’re away. If you want something to do, gather all the alcohol. We might need them to help get bullets out when we come back.”</p><p>Esme’s eyes grew big and wide now. “What, you’re already expecting to lose? You’re not doing much for my optimism right now, Thomas.”</p><p>He shrugged and looked at her helplessly. “Just planning for the worst, Esme.”</p><p>He walked out but as he started for his house, he felt a hand on his arm, stopping him in the street. He turned around to see Ada looking worried.</p><p>“Do you really believe you won’t win this time?”</p><p>He searched her face, deciding that he needed to lie to her. Now was not a time to not have any hope. “We’ll win, Ada,” he promised, hoping it would come true. “Don’t worry. I’m just trying to think the worst case scenario.”</p><p>Ada bit her lip nervously, but she nodded.</p><p>He had faith in his men, but every gang war felt different, even just slightly. Different people, different plans, different weapons, different languages. Tommy just wanted to feel prepared.</p><p>“Thank you, Ada,” he spoke softly now. “For voting to do this.” The two of them both knew that he didn’t need Ada’s vote to be able to do this, but it meant a lot to him that his sister understood why they needed to help Alfie.</p><p>“Of course… don’t know if Polly will ever forgive you for this, but… if we win this, then I can see how we’ll benefit in the long run.”</p><p>He nodded gratefully. “I’ve got a phone call to make. Excuse me, sister.” He walked inside his house and grabbed his phone before he dialed Alfie’s number.</p><p>
  <em>One ring. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Two rings.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Three rings.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Four rings.</em>
</p><p><em>“Yes, ‘ello?”</em> a grunted voice asked.</p><p>“It’s me, Alfie,” he spoke quietly, event though it was unnecessary. It wasn’t as if anyone on Tommy’s end could hear him.</p><p>
  <em>“Tommy, just couldn’t stay away from me, could you?” </em>
</p><p>He ignored that. “We voted, and my family has agreed to help you t-take Sabini down. We’re preparing right now, and we should be ready t-to leave for London by week’s end.”</p><p>
  <em>“The week’s end, right… I see. That’s awfully fucking soon, but I’m sure I can prepare my own men here. Will you get to come back here before the war starts, then?”</em>
</p><p>Tommy felt his heart sink a little. “No, I don’t think I’ll make it. I’ll see you when I bring everyone else over, though. After t-this, I’ll see you when the war is won.”</p><p>There was an uneasy silence on the phone and Tommy could almost see Alfie squirming nervously on the other end. “Tom, I just want to say… be careful, all right, mate? Be fucking careful. You need to be alive once all of this is over, right. We still have business to conduct.”</p><p>Alfie’s tone had taken a professional turn, and Tommy wondered if maybe Ollie had walked in and now Alfie was being forced to be subtle.</p><p>“Right, well, I’ll stay alive if you can promise me t-that you will as well, Alfie.”</p><p>“Don’t you worry about me, sweetie,” Alfie’s teasing voice came again. “No one can bury me until I’m good and ready for it.”</p><p>“That’s good to hear, Alfie. I’ll see you soon.”</p><p>“Yeah, right… see you, Tommy.” Alfie hung up now and Tommy lay on his bed, already regretting getting wrapped up in this.</p><p>He was putting all his kin at risk of being taken out by a bunch of mad Italians. If Thomas Shelby wasn’t so hell bent on helping the man he loved, he would definitely reconsider this suicide mission.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you like, please comment, bookmark, subscribe! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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